Go Forward With Courage
by jusobele
Summary: When the physical phase is just the beginning. When a teenage boy must be broken almost beyond repair before he can be rebuilt to fulfil the destiny for which he was born. When the future of an entire tribe rests on the shoulders of a boy who was forced to become a man. Pre-readers: niamhg and effie83. Banner by Cat Rhodes11 . J/B pairing EVENTUALLY.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Yes, yes, I know. My last fic got deleted, I threw a tantrum and swore never to write again. Obviously, that tantrum was short lived :-p**

**Just as a really big disclaimer...the couple of "Native American" words in this prologue are _not _a part of the Makah or Quileute languages. I believe they do belong to indigenous languages, but not necessarily with the distinction I've applied to them here. It's fanfiction, it's just for fun, so I've taken a big liberty for the purpose of this prologue. If anybody reading does speak a Native American language, I would love to have a chat with you! And the other disclaimer...obviously I own nothing related to Twilight.**

**Go Forward With Courage**

When you are in doubt, be still, and wait;  
when doubt no longer exists for you, then go forward with courage.  
So long as mists envelop you, be still;  
be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists  
- as it surely will.  
Then act with courage.

Ponca Chief White Eagle (1800's to 1914)

**Three Days Before The Fight With The Newborns**

Unusually for the state of Washington, it was an oppressively hot day. The sun shone brightly in a cloudless sky. The wolves roaming the forest surrounding the reservation looked longingly towards First Beach whenever they passed that way. It was one of the few days of the year that the residents of La Push came out in force. The wolves could smell the salt from the cool ocean and imagined how good the water would feel on their always overheated limbs. Fur on days like this was as unwelcome as it was cumbersome.

The wolves' moods were uniformly dark. There wasn't likely to be a vampire in sight that day—the sun would make them sparkle altogether too obviously. But with the imminent threat from the newborns, their leader was erring on the side of caution and had stepped up patrols.

It didn't escape any of the pack's notice that that same leader was not joining them for patrols himself. What they weren't sure of, was where he actually was.

* * *

The Clearwaters' small living room was filled with several voices all talking at once. Sue, as hostess, was presiding over the meeting. There were no official council buildings for the Quileute Elders. La Push was too small, too poor, too under-resourced to justify such an extravagance. Instead, the Council utilised one or another of the Elders' homes whenever a meeting was required.

This meeting had been called urgently at short notice by Samuel Uley, and Chief Black's presence had been specifically requested. Also present were Old Quil, Sue herself, and Connie Littlesea. The latter was Billy Black's sister, and the mother of Collin Littlesea. As a blood relative to the Chief of the Tribe, and the mother of a shape shifter, she had recently been invited to join the Council. The existing Elders had found their workload increasing with direct proportion to the size of the wolf pack and Connie had been the obvious choice once they agreed a new member of the Council was required. This was her first meeting, and her baptism was fiery.

Billy's voice rang loud and clear above the others. "They must possess some evidence of the pack. This should be our starting point. If we find out what exactly they know, we will be better placed to answer them."

"And how exactly do we do that?" Connie demanded impatiently. She was happy to take liberties when addressing Billy that the other Elders may not. He may be the tribal Chief, but to Connie he was still her older brother.

Unperturbed by his sister's brash tone, Billy turned to Sam. "Can Emily help us? It is her tribe making these threats after all. Perhaps her sister or a friend has heard something?"

Sam sighed heavily. "I can ask her to see what she can find out. But it sounded to me like the Makah Elders are aware of the need for secrecy. I think it would be like someone here talking to our families about pack issues." He looked at each member of the Council in turn, reminding them of the vow of silence they had all sworn. Each Elder nodded at him in understanding. Not a single one of them had, or ever would, reveal the secret.

"So where does this leave us?" Sue asked. "They asked specifically for the _saqamawit_?"

"Yes," Sam confirmed. "The _saqamawit_, not the _sakima._"

Significant looks were exchanged between the Elders. The distinction was clear. _Leader, _not _Chief._

"Tell me again exactly what the messenger said, Sam." Billy steepled his fingers under his chin as he listened intently to what the young man patiently re-explained.

"He said that he was speaking for the Chief of the Makah people. They have evidence of unnatural activity in La Push which has led to direct harm to one of their own people—my imprint, Emily Young. They demanded that the _saqamawit_ must meet with one of their own Elders to discuss retribution for her injuries."

"The official story is, of course, that Emily's scars were inflicted by a wild animal," Billy said for the benefit of his sister. He sighed heavily. "Sam, he approached you directly instead of a member of the Council. He asked for the _saqamawit _and not me. They must have some evidence of what they call _unnatural activity. _But what? Is it possible one of the pack have strayed too close to the Makah reservation and someone has seen them?"

"Absolutely not." Sam was heated in his defence of his pack. "And Emily won't have breathed a word to any of her relatives or friends from home either."

The Elders all began to talk amongst themselves again. It was clear that a spokesperson had to meet with the Makah representative. The question was who to send. They had asked for the leader, which would suggest Sam—but sending a young man with no connection to the Council would only add fuel to their suspicions.

Sam spoke up again, voicing the one thing he believed may solve the immediate problem.

"I think we should send Jacob."

Billy's head snapped up at that. "Why? He doesn't want the Alpha mantle. He's sixteen years old, Sam! He's not ready for that kind of responsibility."

"His head is elsewhere," Sam replied flatly. "He's a born leader and this is his destiny. If he spent as much time thinking about his responsibilities as he does thinking about the Swan girl, he would be more than ready to take over as Alpha. If he attends this meeting, he goes legitimately as the son of the Chief. That fits the role of _saqamawit_. He can give a false confession to leading some renegade teenagers and deny any attack on Emily. Jacob is the person best equipped to deal with this situation."

"His time has not yet come."

The whole room turned to look at the elderly wise man who rarely spoke at these meetings. Old Quil's black eyes pierced the lighter brown of the young man who wore the borrowed Alpha robes.

"Jacob Black's destiny is indeed to be Alpha of the wolf pack. But he is not yet ready to shoulder the burden. The boy needs to find within himself the courage to face his predestined future. Every member of the pack has known hardships and sacrifice throughout your lives. The tribulations you have all endured have been extreme, and Jacob's have been more than most. This is not coincidence, or bad fortune, Samuel. This is what you have called _destiny. _You have all spent your lives being prepared for what lies ahead of you. Before Jacob picks up the reins of his own life, he must first be broken down so that he can find who he truly is. He should not attend the meeting with the Makah representative. He is simply not ready."

Old Quil hushed then, leaving a resounding silence in his wake. Finally, Billy spoke up.

"What do you mean Jacob needs to be broken down?" It was rare for the concern of the father to intertwine with an official matter, but the truth was that Billy was deeply worried about his son's attachment to Bella Swan, in love with a vampire as she was.

Old Quil turned to look his Chief directly in the eye. "I mean, old friend, that your boy is stubborn. He is following the wrong path with that iron will of his. It is my belief that in order for Jacob to open his mind to his destiny, his will must be broken. He needs to be receptive to what he is being shown before he can see his path clearly."

The meeting adjourned shortly afterwards. Nothing was resolved satisfactorily other than an agreement that the pack's greatest current concern should be the impending battle with the newborns. When the Makah tribe announced the date of the meeting, it was likely that Billy himself would go. Perhaps, he thought privately, he might bring his son with him to help him cut his teeth.

Billy couldn't have known—none of the Elders or even Sam Uley could have known—that by the time the meeting came around, events would have unfolded which would take the matter straight out of their hands.

**A/N: So there's the prologue. Chapter One will be up in a couple of days. It's quite short but tissues may be an advantage!**


	2. Chapter One Love You More

Billy Black sat in his small kitchen in the red cabin that had been his home for his entire adult life. Love, fear, joy, pain, devotion, anger...Every emotion known to man had been lived and experienced in this home. The last time Billy could remember feeling such helplessness was in the weeks after his beloved Sarah had passed on, leaving him a widower with three children to raise. He vividly remembered the despair—how was he supposed to bring his children through this most difficult of times?

He had managed, somehow; and he would manage again now. Billy told himself that firmly as he sat, confined to his wheelchair, and waited. It was too quiet. The clock that had been a wedding present and had never once lost a minute's time ticked too loudly on the window sill.

What was happening, in that little bedroom that belonged to his overgrown son? Was the girl he adored smashing his heart to match his bones? Casting aside the love he had bestowed on her so willingly, so unconditionally, longing only for a _fraction _of the same devotion in return?

The clock continued to tick and the silence continued to oppress. Finally, Billy couldn't hold himself back anymore. Grimly gripping the rim of one wheel in each hand, in a practised motion he began manoeuvring his chair along the narrow hallway. He thought he had heard the girl shut the door on her way in but it was lying ajar, perhaps having rebounded. Like most things in the cabin, the door handle was in a state of ill repair. Using one of the smaller wheels at the front of his chair, Billy nudged the door wider open and almost fearfully took in the scene before him.

His sixteen year old son lay broken and battered on his too-small bed. His dark skin was beaded with perspiration and his thick raven hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. His crushed and drugged body was partially covered by a quilt but his good arm held the girl he adored close to his side. His eyes were squeezed shut, his nose buried in her hair as he breathed deeply. The girl was obviously lying there willingly and Billy's shoulders sagged with relief. _She had come to her senses. _

Earlier, when his bones were being so cruelly reset at the icy hands of the vampire doctor, the boy had been raving in an agony-induced delirium. Billy had deduced that prior to the fight with the newborns, something had happened between the two teenagers which had planted a seed of hope in the boy's heart. It would have been too cruel—too, too cruel—for Bella to reject Jacob now.

His curiosity satisfied and a small smile on his lips, Billy felt that he had seen enough. He was reaching for the wheels again when the girl stretched her neck up and laid her cheek against the boy's overheated skin. When she spoke, she did so quietly but the distance was close enough that Billy still made out her words.

"You know I love you."

Billy's smile widened. Jacob would recover from his physical injuries, and more quickly than he should due to his wolf healing. The emotional damage Bella could have inflicted today would have been an entirely different matter.

But just as Billy began to reverse back out of the door again, he saw his son's face contort in anguish as his arm tightened reflexively around the girl's waist. His words reached his father's ears, spoken in a broken tone of voice no man ever wanted to hear his son use.

"You know how much I wish it was enough."

Relief split wide open and gave way to horror as realisation dawned in Billy's heart. _NO! _A small cry may have left his lips but both teenagers were oblivious to his presence. Even Jacob, with his supernatural senses, was too stoned on morphine and too caught up in his heartbreak to notice his father in his bedroom doorway. Rooted to the spot like a bystander unable to tear himself away from watching a slow motion train wreck, Billy's heart bled for his boy over the next few minutes.

Anger raked Billy's normally mild heart when he heard Jacob call himself a "spare option". Bleak despair filled his soul when his son admitted he would still love the girl even after she became his natural enemy. When she told him to be good so he would recover faster, he had to bite back a scream, and listening to her admit she would be jealous when Jake met someone else made him want to shake her. Still, Billy couldn't tear himself away from the tragedy before his eyes.

It was only when she leaned in and kissed Jacob's face softly, saying "Love you, Jacob," that Billy came, startled, back to his senses again. He made it back out of the doorway just before the boy forced a light laugh and said three words that made tears begin to silently fall down his father's cheeks.

"Love you more."

Billy hung his head low between his shoulders in the kitchen so Bella wouldn't see his tears as she raced out the cabin without so much as a goodbye. He knew he had to go in to his son, knew Jacob would be in a worse state now than he was before she came...hell, the boy was probably in a worse state now than he had ever been, perhaps excepting the weeks after his mother passed away. But Billy needed a few minutes to compose himself before going back in to the small room that had just become his only son's own personal hell.

A broken sob reached his ears and a tortured cry left his own lips. Throwing his head back, Billy looked skywards and sent a silent prayer to his wife, the mother of the crushed boy who he could hear crying now through the thin wall. He beseeched her to guide him in the coming weeks and months as he tried to bring their son back to some sort of life.

Then, Billy Black got a cold, wet rag and balanced a basin of cool water on his knees. He wheeled himself back to Jacob's bedroom. The boy—no more than a child, really—didn't even attempt to hide his tears from his father. No words were exchanged; none were needed. Billy stayed with his son late into the night. He replaced the cool rag from his forehead when it overheated, which happened often. He kept his tears silent when the boy fell into delirious, fevered dreams and ranted of his love for the pale skinned girl with the bewitching brown eyes. He winced when the morphine began to wear off and physical agony combined with emotional hell to make the boy scream in unbearable pain. He phoned the leech doctor and begged him to bring more morphine when his son cried again and pleaded with his father to take the pain away.

And later, much later, when the new dose of morphine had taken effect and Jacob was finally drifting into a more peaceful slumber, he smiled weakly with gratitude at his father who hadn't left his side once for hour upon hour.

"Dad?" His normally husky voice was now hoarse.

"What is it, son?"

"I love you."

Jacob's eyes closed finally and his father hung his head between his shoulders once more. A helpless sob left him as he squeezed his boy's hand tightly and brushed hair, slick with sweat, back from the features that belonged to a man, not a boy of sixteen.

"Love you more, son."

**A/N: I was very pleasantly surprised by the responses to the Prologue! Having been away from FFnet for a while, and this story being a little different to my "big three" fics, I wasn't sure how this would be received. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and added an alert. My inbox was busy!**


	3. Chapter Two Be Still

The night wore on.

It was one of the longest nights of Billy Black's life. He kept watch over his boy as first his sleep was blighted with dreams of the girl who owned his heart—the girl who, Billy feared, would _always _own his heart—and then as a fever took hold. There was no point in trying to read a temperature. When a person ran at 108.9 as a matter of course, what constituted a fever?

Billy simply removed the quilt that covered the boy's battered and broken body, and continually sponged him gently with cold water...those parts of him that weren't strapped up anyway, which didn't leave much sponging to be done.

Billy had no intentions of leaving Jacob's side that night—but even if he'd wanted to go to his own bed to sleep, he wouldn't have been able to. Moving and handling him was something Jacob had to do. It was something he'd done for years. Even as a child, a boy of eleven who was in no way physically capable of lifting a grown man, Jacob had managed. There hadn't been any other option, really. Billy couldn't live in his wheelchair and favours from friends and extended family only went so far.

As Billy watched over his son, he remembered back to the early days after he had phased. Even through the anger at the fate, the unwanted fate, that had been thrust upon him...even through the bitterness and self-loathing that had haunted him...Jacob's hands had still been gentle when, morning and night, he lifted his father into and out of the chair to which he was confined.

They had joked about it, when joking with Jacob became an option again. With his new, muscular build and ridiculous inherent strength, father and son had agreed that Jacob could now lift Billy with one hand while fighting off a couple of leeches with the other.

Sponging his son's good arm with cool water, Billy wondered when he would joke with his boy again. He refused to think _if. _The first weeks after the initial phase had been difficult. The sunny boy had been so infatuated with Bella Swan. Billy wasn't sure what the greatest shock for Jacob had been—finding out he was a shape shifter, or learning of the secrets the girl had kept from him.

It was only when Bella found out his secret—and Billy still wasn't sure exactly how Jacob had gotten around the Alpha orders to let her in on it—that his son began to cope better with his fate. Bella going after the Cullen..._thing_ to prevent its suicide mission had brought Jacob to a new low, but he had begun to fight back, to fight for the girl he loved.

And now, that girl had broken the boy's spirit. Billy could see it even as Jacob slept. There was a pain etched on his face that hadn't been there before; not when he had first shifted into his wolf, not even when she had run off to Italy.

Again and again, Billy applied cool water to his boy's overheated body. Again and again, he sent up pleas to Jacob's mother to guide them both through the weeks and months ahead. Again and again, he wiped away his own tears as his heart broke for the boy who had known too much pain in his sixteen years.

By four am, Billy felt almost delirious with exhaustion. His legs ached from sitting for too long in his chair. He needed to go to the bathroom, another task he struggled to do alone. It was becoming urgent. He was going to have to manage on his own.

Billy ran the cold sponge across Jacob's forehead one more time, plastering the boy's hair to his skin as he did so. He laid down the sponge and turned his chair around. Wheeling himself towards the door—not a considerable distance—he stopped suddenly when he heard a noise like a whooshing wind behind him. Turning his head over his shoulder, there was nothing to see. He was about to dismiss it as his over-tired mind imagining things when his eyes fell on Jacob's face. The hair that had most definitely been plastered with water and sweat to his forehead, now stood out at an angle as though a strong wind had swept it back.

The Chief of the Quileute tribe stared at his boy for a moment longer before continuing on his way to relieve himself. A seed of hope took root in his heart. Perhaps, if the Spirits were on his side, Old Quil had been right after all.

**Jacob's POV**

_Pain._

I am swimming in pain. No, that isn't right. I am _drowning_ in pain. Physical pain, the likes of which I have never encountered before. Even my first phase, complete with cracking bones and morphing body parts, hadn't been as continuously agonising as this.

And yet, I would take the physical pain gladly. I would take it a hundred—no, a thousand—times over, if I could escape the emotional agony.

Bella loves me. She is _in love _with me.

And it isn't enough.

She's still choosing him. Choosing death. Choosing an eternity as a frozen predator that will become my mortal enemy the instant her red eyes open.

_No._

I can't take it. Can't face the brutal reality of this pain. I am going to give in to the morphine. The dose is too high, I know that without any doubt. I don't care. I am stoned, tripping, flying away from my cares. More importantly, flying away from my pain.

Am I sleeping? I'm not sure. Images are flashing before my mind's eye and they are all pleasant. A sheltered river with cool, fresh water from which I drink deeply and quench my burning thirst. The cold earth beneath my paws as my muscular wolf runs with so much _speed _through the canopied trees, just because he can. Rolling in the icy ground in the forest, which in so many ways is my new home, the cold earth soothing my overheated body. A girl with gentle brown eyes smiling at me as though I truly am her sun...

_NO!_

Not her. Not the pain. Take me away from the pain.

I'm flying now, high above the trees and watching the reservation below. My reservation.

_NO! _

Not that, either. Not the responsibility of Alpha Protector and future Chief. Take those burdens away from me.

A memory comes to me now. I remember this clearly. I was a young boy, maybe seven or eight years old, sitting between my mother's legs on the beach. She was wearing a long, flaring skirt which she had spread in such a way that I could sit on it to prevent my good pants getting covered in wet sand. We had been at a tribal event, something it was necessary for us to do regularly because dad was Chief. I had gotten into a scrap with Paul Lahote and dad had clipped my ear for causing an uproar. Mom took me to First Beach to explain things to me.

"You will be Chief one day, Jacob. You must learn not to just react with your heart. Other people in the tribe, they can be impulsive and think with their emotions. But you...you must learn to think with your mind. Sometimes, making decisions with your heart is good. But when you are angered, or upset, you must learn to be still until the light shines through."

I didn't understand. I was too young. Mom died before I ever got the chance to ask her to explain it to me again. I have the feeling that it's important, now, but I don't know why.

On and on the flashes go. Some are memories, others just images. Frequently, my peripheral vision catches some strands of mahogany hair; or somebody's eyes turn to chocolate and then to red. Each time that happens, I force it away, make myself turn away from the pain and another, more palatable sequence of images begins.

Here is a particularly pleasant scene. I am young...or wait, perhaps I'm a little older than now. Either way, I _feel _young. Strong, happy, the kind of guy I really want to be. I am walking through long grass. The rain is falling lightly on my hair and face but it's refreshing on my heated skin. Something has happened. I'm not sure what, but something is making me feel smug, content, satisfied.

I want to stay here, to enjoy being this man, but I am being pulled away by a force stronger than my will. Some_one _is pulling me away. Someone wants to show me something. I feel that instinctively. Here is the new scene and I know immediately that I like it. I am barefoot and bare-chested, walking through an unfamiliar house. I feel happy, almost deliriously so. I find my way easily to the kitchen where a woman with brown hair tied up in a messy bun is humming an old Quileute lullaby which I recognise. Balanced on her hip is a chubby baby who is gnawing on his fist while he hungrily watches his mother prepare his breakfast one-handed. I lean against the door frame to watch them, love and joy beginning at my heart and extending to the roots of my hair and the tips of my toes. Sensing me there, she turns to face me and the love that radiates from those beautiful eyes that I know so well almost brings me to my knees.

_NO!_

It's torture. Sweet, damnable torture. What cruel Spirit is sending me visions that I know will haunt my waking hours? Visions that can never be, because she is choosing death? I try to twist and turn away from the hallucination that I know is going to fester in my mind when the morphine wears off and the bleakness that is my life begins once more.

"Be still."

I freeze. What is that voice? It speaks in my mind, commanding me like...like _Sam. _It is the voice of an Alpha, the voice of a leader, the voice of a man who will not be thwarted and cannot be defied.

I still. I have no choice. A rushing wind blows across my conscience, bringing with it more images. Unlike what I have seen up until now, there are no details to these visions. They are nothing more than a sequence of audio-ed pictures, each one flashing before my mind's eye with rapidity.

_Dad, crying over my broken body and calling on my mom for guidance._

_Sam, worrying over Emily's scars._

_An unfamiliar native man, ordering **altajajeh. **_

I almost laugh. This is the twenty first century, not the eighteenth. Why would one Indian tribe be attacking another? I'm hallucinating, tripping, stoned on morphine and delirious with pain.

"Be still. All that you see will come to pass."

That voice again. Imperious, commanding. I feel my will bend and submit. I don't even bother to fight it. What's the point? Then again, who the hell is this that's ordering me around? I stir again, fighting the fetters of the command, but I sense it coming before it happens. Another vision flashes before me, my disobedience being punished in the cruellest way imaginable.

_Bella, chestnut hair tumbling loose around her naked shoulders as she stands, vulnerable and trusting before me under the light of the moon. Her long hair partially covers the exposed swell of her breasts and I reach out to gently sweep it back over her shoulders. She shivers under my touch, her eyes filled with a love and desire that takes my breath away. She is here willingly, knowing what is about to happen. She chose Jacob, and now the Alpha is going to choose her as his lifelong mate. _

_NO!_ I can't take this agony. Anything else, but not this. Please don't punish me with this. Give me venomous leeches biting into my flesh, or break every part of my body and take away the morphine, but don't show me my every dream coming true when I know it can never, ever be. My will is quivering under that voice's command and I call out as I struggle in a final attempt to thwart it. I know even as I do so that my punishment will be even more brutal than before.

_Her skin under my hands is cool, pliable, **human. **Her eyes are the brown I adore as she gazes up into mine, acceptance and love mingling together. Her heart is racing and her body is aroused; I can smell it as I stand naked before her. My own need for her is throbbing, demanding. She licks her lips once, and then drops to her knees. I have to brace myself so my own legs don't buckle as her mouth wraps around me._

It isn't enjoyable, this dream. It isn't a teenage boy's wet dream or fantasy. It is persecution. It feels _real_, and it isn't, and it can never be. The hideous pain of knowing this combines with seeing and feeling everything I long for and will never have.

I feel it happen and am helpless to stop it.

My will breaks.

I have no further resistance; worse, I have no _desire _to resist. I will do whatever it wants, that voice commanding me inside my own head, so long as it never tortures me like this again.

I still, and wait. At first, there is nothing and I think that perhaps that was all it wanted—to break my will. _Well you've done it. There is nothing left of me. Only a shell...an empty shell devoid of the essence of life. Congratulations._

But now the images are starting up again, playing like a slideshow of moments across my mind. There are no details, just one instant in time after another as they unfold.

_An unfamiliar native man, ordering **altajajeh. **_

_A different man, strong and proud, a formidable leader, speaking with the strength of his own convictions to a table of unfamiliar faces._

Wait...was that me? Too late—the next image is here.

_Emily's scars._

_A girl with brown hair running towards the treaty line, fear etched on her face._

I can't even summon the will to argue that this wasn't part of the deal, that I had made it clear I would submit if there were _no more images of Bella._ I'm too busy worrying that she won't make it across the line to safety.

_The Cullen residence, lying empty._

_Bella walking alone on First Beach, her arms keeping the cavity in her chest from splitting wide open._

Figures, if they've gone. I can't even find the strength to feel happy that this turn of events could give me another chance at winning her heart. Do I even have the will left to work on fixing her again?

I think I might be the one needing fixed, this time. But who will be there to do that for me?

"You."

That voice resonates in my head the instant after my thought forms. I still again, waiting for further explanation which I know must be forthcoming. When it speaks again, it isn't exactly the clarification I was hoping for.

"Everything you have seen will come to pass. But first you must find the courage to discover who you truly are, Jacob. Listen to me now. When you are in doubt, be still and wait. The sunlight will pour through and dispel the mists and your uncertainty. Then, you must go forward with courage."

I want to ask him who he is, why he felt it necessary to torture me with images I will never forget, and what the hell he's talking about anyway, but he is one step ahead of me.

"I am Taha Aki. Waken now, and forget all that you have seen here except this..._Be still._"


	4. Chapter Three Wait

Dad was sitting next to my bed when I opened my eyes. He was snoring gently, his head lolled uncomfortably to the side. My good hand was held loosely in one of his, as though he had been clasping it when he drifted off to sleep and his grip had relaxed in slumber. My head thumped and span when I turned it to look at him and an involuntary groan escaped my lips. Dad woke up immediately. As I watched, he yawned widely and grimaced, then rubbed his neck with his hand as though it ached from the position it had been in. Finally focussing on me, he instantly stopped rubbing his neck and his eyes widened.

"Jake?" He leaned far forward in his chair as though to examine me more closely, one hand braced against my mattress to stop himself falling too far forward. "Son...how are you?"

How was I? I frowned as I thought how best to answer that question. My head was pounding, my throat and mouth were parched, my limbs ached and I felt as though someone—namely, Bella Swan—had put my heart and soul through a grater. And yet...

Something felt different. I tried to figure it out. At first I thought it was the morphine dulling the physical pain. Then I realised my extreme body heat had burned off the morphine and the pain had lessened because of my heightened healing abilities. That wasn't it, though.

I felt empty. But at the same time, there was a sense of peace underlying everything else. My frown deepened as I tried to make that one work. I knew myself, and I was familiar by now with my wolf's reactions. I was hurting from Bella's final rejection. I _should _be warring with conflicting emotions right about now. Animal, feral rage ought to be attempting to dominate the hopelessness of the spurned teenage boy. To a certain extent, that _was _what I was feeling. My emotions were definitely being tossed around on a turbulent water and even worse than that, I simply couldn't muster the energy to care. But that felt like merely the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the surface was a deep oasis of calm that felt like it was entirely within my grasp. I just wasn't sure _exactly _how to reach it.

"Jake?" Dad's voice cut through my reverie and I turned back to him, slightly startled. He was still leaning forward in his wheelchair, scrutinising me intently.

"I'm..." My voice came out as a sandpapered croak and dad grabbed at a glass of water that was on my nightstand. He handed me the glass and then positioned his forearm under my neck, as though he could help a mammoth sized shape shifter into a sitting position from his wheelchair. The simple gesture tugged at my heart. He was always there for me, no matter what. I couldn't remember anytime that he _hadn't _been there, just supporting me quietly in his own inimitable way.

Hauling myself painfully into a semi-sitting position, I took a sip of the cool drink and damn, it felt good. I chugged back the rest and flopped back down on the bed again.

"It hurts, dad." I didn't know whether I meant physically or not. Either. Both. He nodded his understanding and I realised he still hadn't taken his eyes off me. "What?" I asked dully.

"What happened while you were sleeping?" He asked it entirely too calmly. I'd heard this tone of voice before. It was the same tone he used the night I first phased. I'd come home after the movies with Bella and marshmallow guy, feeling uncharacteristically angry and agitated. Dad had casually asked me how I was feeling and then just as casually suggested I go and run off some of my aggression in the forest. Like the good kid I was, I did as he said. He never told me that by the end of that run in the forest, I'd be furry and on four paws.

I watched him warily when I heard him use that tone again now. "Why?" I demanded. My voice came out harshly and I saw his eyes narrow in response. I was familiar with this look, too. This was his Chief's face, speculative and shrewd. He was weighing up how much to tell me.

"Just spit it out already, dad." I heard my own impatience and chided myself for it. I sounded like a petulant teenager who wasn't getting his own way and even though that was kind of what I _was_, there was no denying the fact that my disabled father had just spent a highly uncomfortable night nursing me as I began to recover from supernatural wounds. I knew better than to treat him with such a fractious attitude. That said, I couldn't muster enough energy to apologise. Couldn't muster energy for _anything_. I was...broken, and not just in body.

"You look different," he said finally. He waved his hand in the general direction of my face. "Your eyes..." His voice trailed off.

"What about them?" I asked, but he was already turning his chair away and the lethargy that had settled over me prevented me from pushing it.

"You must be hungry. I'll go and make us both some breakfast."

* * *

The morning passed slowly. Actually, it felt like it wasn't going to pass at all..._ever. _Dad eventually brought me piles of toast and burnt bacon with some juice and coffee to wash it down. He looked tired—haggard, even, and I kept on catching him staring at me with a disturbed expression. That same lacklustre attitude prevented me from asking any further questions. After that, I spent most of the morning just lying in my bed, in pain and morose, while dad alternately sat with me and gave up trying.

We hit something of a wall when I needed to use the bathroom. I managed to sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed, but when I tried to put any weight on my gammy leg, the pain nearly made me black out. Eventually, we figured out that so long as he used his arms for leverage, I could lift dad out his wheelchair with my good arm and help him sit on my bed. Then I got in his chair and wheeled myself one-handed to the bathroom, hoping my sheer bulk and weight wouldn't break his chair. There was no way we could have afforded to replace it.

Once in the bathroom, I had to endure intense physical pain to get out the chair and go about my business, but eventually I was back in bed and dad was seated in his wheelchair once more. I was drenched in sweat and exhausted from the effort it had taken, and I drifted into an uneasy sleep.

I woke when Dr Fang arrived to check on me. The evening before, I had been delirious with pain and his icy hands had actually felt quite good. I quickly found it was an entirely different matter when the physical pain had lessened and I was more in command of my senses. His hand had no sooner made contact with my bruised and heated skin than my wolf went absolutely berserk.

The thing was, it was strange, this sudden desire to set my wolf free and rip the leech's fucking hand right off. Obviously being around bloodsuckers made me jittery; I was built to destroy them and my every instinct made me want to sink my teeth into their marble flesh...But this was different. My whole attitude had been so despondent, so lethargic, so _broken _all morning; yet this sudden compulsion to destroy the bloodsucker who dared to lay his hands on me ripped through me, leaving me breathless and struggling to maintain control over my wolf.

Within a second of having touched me, Dr Fang jumped back with real fear etched on his face. Somewhere deep inside, past the war I was raging internally, I felt a bit smug about that. I had long felt that the Cullens were entirely too complacent around us and it felt good that I was the one to make him afraid.

"Jake!" I heard dad's reprimand and turned my head to look at him. "Dr Cullen is here to help you, son."

"I. Know. That." I had to grind it out through gritted teeth because fuckin' hell my wolf was _right _under the surface of my skin, clawing and snarling to get out and do his job right there in my bedroom in dad's cabin.

"Jacob if you phase into your wolf now, you will do all manner of harm to your injuries." I heard his silken voice speak to me soothingly and my wolf snarled louder that he _dare _address us, this dead fucker who by rights ought to be dust under the ground by now.

I was fighting to control my wolf and I was losing the battle. The urgency with which the animal within was brawling to break free was like nothing I had ever felt before. It was more than a need, it was an _obligation. _This was why I existed. This was my duty. The fucker standing in my room whose frigid touch left lingering traces of ice on my arm needed to be destroyed. My wolf felt like needles under my skin, trying to pierce through my human flesh and break free.

"Dr Cullen." I heard my dad's voice and he sounded slightly panicky. I hated to hear him like that, and it helped me get a little more control but only by a margin. Dad and the filthy leech exited my room swiftly, leaving me shaking, gulping and sweating on my bed.

_What the fuck was that?_

Even when I had first phased—when my control was flaky and I was liable to phase when I got upset—my wolf had never tried to consume me like that. Squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to make the trembling subside, I tried to bring myself back under control.

_Be still._

The thought came from nowhere and I again became aware of that deep oasis of calm which I had detected earlier. I had the sense that there was a memory eluding me, but as happens so often with an almost-remembered thought, the harder I tried to grasp it, the more it evaded me.

I heard the murmur of voices in the living room—dad and Dr Fang discussing what to do with me now.

"It seems I will be unable to perform any examination," the latter pointed out the obvious.

"So it seems." Dad's voice was calm now and I knew the Chief's mask would be in place. "What do I need to do to help him recover?"

"The bones were set properly yesterday. It should be a straightforward case of allowing his accelerated healing to do the rest. I would have liked the opportunity to confirm that they are knitting together perfectly but that seems unlikely now."

"Thank you for your help, Dr. Cullen." While polite, my dad also sounded a little dismissive. There was a short silence, and then the leech spoke again.

"His control over his wolf..."

"Is usually perfect."

"Yes, that was the conclusion I had reached before today. Certainly, Edward has been impressed..."

I didn't catch what had impressed Edward because hearing his name suddenly triggered an image of _Bella_. Agony seared my heart and I hated that the leech in the living room would have heard the whimper I emitted. I was left dealing with a dull, empty ache that threatened to swallow me whole, while my dad and the doctor agreed that all anyone could do now was wait.

Carlisle having left, dad came cautiously back into my room. My wolf was under control, and I was staring listlessly at the wall when he wheeled himself to my bed. I was thinking of Bella's heartbeat—how it would pick up pace slightly when she saw me, and how it would skip a little when she saw me unexpectedly; how it would slow to a steady thrum when I held her hand, as though my simple touch relaxed her; how it was so distinctive to me that I could pick it out in a crowded room. And...how it was numbered.

"Jake?" I felt dad's thumb brush my cheek and realised I was crying.

"I'm good. It's under control." I didn't look at him at first, but when he remained silent I turned to see what he was thinking. He was simply sitting there, waiting for me. "I don't know what happened, dad. It was when he touched me...my wolf, he went nuts. I've never felt it like that before. It was as if I was _failing_ by not attacking the bloodsucker."

Dad searched my face and then asked me again. I had actually been kind of wondering myself. "What happened while you slept last night, son?"

"I can't remember. I don't think I _want _to remember. Whenever I try to, it hurts. Here." I rubbed my good hand over my chest to show I meant emotional pain and not my broken bones.

"Well, what do you think is important about what happened? Is your instinct telling you anything?"

I snorted humourlessly. "My instinct is telling me to _wait. _Just wait." Saying the words aloud triggered something in my mind and I frowned then. "Wait until the sunlight pours through," I muttered.

Dad's head jerked up. "What?"

I turned to look at him again. "Wait until the sunlight pours through," I repeated. "I don't know where that came from, but it sounds...right. What's wrong?"

Dad's face had contorted slightly, disbelief and awe merging together. "Jacob..." I knew this was serious. Dad rarely gave me my full title. "Am I correct in saying that you have never read our scriptures?"

I stared at him. "Those ancient papers at Old Quil's house? No, I've never read them." As a tribe, we hadn't been great at documenting our histories—hence the absolute lack of details we had about the wolf pack. Take imprinting, for example. If you believed what was written about it from previous packs, it was as rare as a blue moon. Yet three of our pack had already imprinted: Sam on Emily; Jared on Kim; and Quil on Emily's sixteen year old cousin, Clare. What we _did _have was a collection of dusty, smelly old parchments penned by Taha Aki himself. Apparently, the man wasn't just the founding member of the wolf pack—he was some kind of religious oracle as well. The Elders referred to his writings as _scriptures_; the rest of the tribe thought he must have been barking mad.

Dad laid his elbows on the arms of his wheelchair and steepled his fingers under his chin. His eyes glazed over slightly and I knew he was deep in thought. I waited, thinking not about the old parchments that smelled stale, but about brown eyes that lit up when they saw me as though I was the light of her entire life. Again, my heart bled and I felt the crevice open over an abyss of pain and despair. I knew that abyss was going to engulf me when night fell and I was all alone in this too small bed.

"Jacob, I think that if you are confined to bed for a couple of days, you might as well put the time to good use. Sam phoned—he wants to come and visit you. When he gets here, I'll go and see Old Quil. I'm going to bring you back the parchments and I want you to read them."

"Oh, great," I snapped at him. "So I get my bones crushed, Bella..." I couldn't finish that sentence without falling apart and I wanted to be mad, not crying like a girl. Swallowing hard, I glared at dad. "And now I need to read the ravings of a mad man?"

Dad's expression didn't soften. "I think you'll find they help you," he stated firmly. I groaned and turned my face away. Well, he could bring me the papers, but he couldn't make me read them.

* * *

"They're empty." Billy gazed steadily at his old friend and ally, allowing him to see the deep concern he felt for his son. "Jake's eyes have always been so expressive, you know that. Whatever he's feeling, it's right here." He pointed to his own eyes and then shook his head. "_Nothing._"

Old Quil nodded sagely. He wasn't surprised and he shared Billy's belief that something must have happened to the boy when he had been sleeping during the dreadful night. Billy had confided in him about the rushing wind that had swept through the boy's room. Further, he had told of how, on his return to Jacob's room ten minutes later, he found the boy moaning and thrashing on the bed as though trying to escape from some unimaginable torture. Concerned about his son damaging his crushed limbs further as he flailed on the bed, Billy had been about to call the leech doctor again when Jacob suddenly stilled. Billy had dozed off in his wheelchair soon after that, and when his boy awoke, his eyes were dead.

"How's he been since waking up?" Old Quil asked. "Sam's with him?"

Billy nodded. "Yes, Sam will stay with him until I get back. As for how he's been...he's heartbroken and he's laid up in bed with broken bones. He's grumpy, short tempered and more than a little self-indulgent in his pity party. I can handle all of that. But his eyes..." He shook his head, unable to convey in words the worry and sorrow he felt for his boy.

"He has been broken," Old Quil said sagely. "Now he needs to find his path. This is good news, old friend. The boy is leaving us and the man will be mighty. I don't think it will take him long to find his way."

"Yes but what broke him? Was it Bella and the fight with the newborns? Or _did _something happen while he slept?"

"Does it matter? What has he told you?"

"I don't know if it matters. He remembers nothing. He says he doesn't want to remember, when he tries he recoils away from the pain of the memory."

"I think that answers the question of what broke him. He was shown something as he slept, something which hurt him deeply and destroyed the last of his childish will."

"That makes sense. I hope you're right that he will move forward now. Here's what else he told me, and it's the reason I came to visit you today. He told me—and these are _his _words, Quil—that his instinct is telling him to _wait until the sunlight pours through._"

The pop of Old Quil's lips parting in disbelief was audible in the quiet room. Wordlessly, he rose to his feet and left his Chief alone. When he returned, he was carrying an armful of yellowed, thick paper. Depositing them on the table in front of Billy, he met the other man's eyes.

"You'll be needing these then, old friend."

* * *

Sam had been with me for half an hour. At first, we just talked about how I was doing, relived some of the finer moments of the fight with the newborns, and I told him how I had reacted to Dr Fang earlier. He was confused about what I described and said that if the leech came back again, Sam wanted to be present to monitor the situation for himself. Then, he passed on some messages from the rest of the pack. They were all worried, but were under orders not to disturb me until I was a little better.

"Sam...speaking of orders. Am I under some kinda command at the moment?" I had been trying to figure out what this unfamiliar _calmness _was that was hovering just under the surface today, and an Alpha order fit the bill.

"No, you're not under any orders Jake." Sam smiled at me. "Just get better, I'm not asking anything else of you just now."

I sighed in frustration. "Just get better," I repeated. "Right."

Sam hesitated. "I know she left for good," he said quietly. I turned my face away from him. He was so damn happy all the time, and I was glad for him—I really, really was—but it could also be difficult to face the lovefest when my own heart was in tatters. I turned back to him finally.

"I don't want to talk about her. I've talked about her till the buffalos come home and it's never made any difference." I saw something flicker in Sam's eyes. It might have been relief, but again, I couldn't muster the energy to care. "Help me to the bathroom?"

With a fellow wolf to help, this trip was a lot easier and a lot less painful. I managed to walk a little of the way myself, which meant my bones were definitely still healing well. Bracing myself against the washstand, I splashed water on my face. I really wanted a shower but figured that might need to wait a little longer. Raising my head, I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I saw instantly why dad had been worried about my eyes earlier. Looking back at me were two blank brown chasms. I didn't look like me, or not really. My features were still the same, but the person inside, the boy who was looking out of the mirror at me...he wasn't me. He was lost, he was broken, he was..._nothing_.

My head bowed down between my shoulders as the truth hit me. The reason I was feeling so lethargic, so lacking in energy today, wasn't because my bones were broken but because _I _was broken. The boy I was...no, the boy I _had_ _been_, no longer existed. I was an empty shell. I clenched the sides of the washstand tightly as despair filled my heart. What would become of me now? Who would fix me, the way I had fixed Bella?

_I would._

I knew it in my heart. I was strong. I was stronger than this. I might be down, I might be broken, I might never again be the boy I once was. But I wasn't going to let this beat me. A flame of determination flickered in my heart and I let out a long, steadying breath.

I raised my head and stared at the boy-shell in the mirror before me again. A fire, faint but definitely present, glowed in his eyes this time and the smallest of smiles graced his lips.

I was Jacob Black, heir to the Quileute wolf pack, and I bowed down before no man, girl or leech.


	5. Chapter Four Acceptance

Yawning widely, I glanced over at the clock beside my bed and was shocked to see it was almost ten thirty pm. I had been reading Taha Aki's parchments for nearly three hours and apart from the fact that my head was bursting full of thoughts and information, it seemed that no time at all had passed.

I knew dad was dead beat after the rough night he'd had the night before. We had eaten dinner together, here in my room three hours earlier. I hadn't seen him since he'd left with the dishes balanced on his knees. I realised now that I was thinking about him that I could detect his steady heart beat and a gentle snore coming from the vicinity of the kitchen. I frowned at the clarity with which I could hear him. It wasn't that it was unusual for me to hear such subtle sounds at this distance, but the ease with which I could make out the swooshing of his blood through the organ that pumped it, and the air whistling down his throat, was definitely new.

Placing the old papers aside, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and trialled putting some of my weight on them. There was no way I was letting dad sleep in his chair for a second night running. If I couldn't do this on my own, I'd phone one of the pack...but that was my last option. Dad and I were Blacks, we were Chiefs and Warriors. We didn't ask for help to take a piss or go to bed unless it was really fuckin' drastic.

I made it to my feet, absolutely certain that I shouldn't be pushing myself like this but equally determined to do it if I could. Gingerly, and using whatever I could reach with my hands to help take some of my weight, I made my way out of the room and through the small cabin. I made slow progress, and as I went I thought through some of what I had been reading that evening. I hadn't expected it to be so spell binding...or so pertinent.

Dad had returned from Old Quil's and dumped the heavy pile of paper at the foot of my bed with orders for me to read it. I had steadfastly refused. Then, a few minutes after dad left with our dinner dishes, a freak gust of wind blew in the open window and knocked some of the parchments to the ground. Figuring it was disrespectful to leave them lying there, I leaned over the side of the bed to pick them up. In ornate handwriting in the Old Quileute language, the first words my eyes fell on were _dispel the mists_.

Without knowing how or why, those words struck a chord deep inside of me. Still leaning over the side of the bed, I read on in an attempt to work out why those three words seemed so familiar. It was only when I realised my blood had run to my head and I was getting a cramp in my arm from leaning on it awkwardly that I picked up the papers and settled myself to read more comfortably.

I arranged the parchments in the correct order and started at the beginning. The early entries were quiet musings of a fairly young man. The life he lived was very different to early twenty first century La Push, but even so, practically every word I read struck home. It was almost as though Taha Aki was writing for me, talking to me, from beyond his grave.

During the early pages, there was a lot about the sorts of tribulations a man might face. Women figured highly, and there were plenty of veiled references to being a Spirit Warrior as well. At the end of each entry, he summarised how he was feeling at the time of writing, and his bottom line was always the same—there is a bigger picture, wait patiently until it is shown to you.

A part of me wanted to dismiss my eagerness to find messages in these parchments as being no more than superstitious nonsense; yet I couldn't help but feel that I _knew _there was a message here for me. All my fears, all my pain, all my anger and every single barbed rejection were meaningless. They were transient, affecting me only in the present, and only if I allowed them in. There was a bigger picture somewhere for me. It was a comforting thought, even if I had no idea where it originated from.

Turning finally into the kitchen, I saw my dad sleeping—as I'd guessed—in his wheelchair. Wrapped around his hand was an old necklace of my mom's, and a battered photo of her was on the kitchen table in front of him. I knew he had been praying, asking her for help...for me, no doubt. I saw the worry every time he looked in my eyes today.

I needed a short rest before making the journey back along the hall to his bedroom. I took the seat across the table from him and simply watched him sleep for a minute. Even in slumber, lines etched his face and I realised suddenly that he wasn't getting younger. Of course, I'd known that before, but in the abstract way that a teenager thinks of his parents as being old. But now, looking at the deep lines around his brow and eyes, I wondered how long they had been there and what else I hadn't noticed about him lately. The thin threads of grey peppering his hair I had seen and teased him about, but as I looked properly now I saw they were more thickly scattered that I had realised.

Turning my attention to the picture on the table, I slid my hand across and turned the photo around so that mom was facing me. She looked so incredibly happy. Her smile seemed to radiate out of the photo and nobody looking at her could have denied the joy she was feeling as she looked not at the camera, but whoever was behind the lens. I knew it was my dad that had taken the photo.

My parents had been so much in love. Even as a young child who didn't really understand what the love between a man and a woman was, I knew they were happy together. It was there in the way mom's eyes lit up when dad came home from work. It was there in the way he put his arms around her waist and whispered things in her ear that made her cheeks flush. It was there in the way they kissed each other when they thought me, Rachel and Becca were busy playing.

As I held the photo in one hand and saw the tenderness in her eyes, my other fist clenched on the table. It was so reminiscent of the way Bella looked at me sometimes—an acceptance that I made her happy, just the way I was.

_Why couldn't she see it?_

I discarded the photo and clenched my other fist, my heart starting to pound and ache as thoughts of Bella bombarded me. The one memory I had been trying to keep out was the one I knew would haunt me tonight, when I was lying awake in the dark in my room, unable to phase and run off my emotions.

_The kiss we had shared._

I needed to get my mind away from that. I couldn't give in to the memory of how soft her lips felt against mine, or how silken the strands of her hair between my fingertips. I stood up faster than I should have, deliberately putting enough weight on my bad leg, so that the searing pain would shoot up to my hip and take my breath away. If it was that or the agony of reliving that kiss, I would take the physical pain gladly.

Using the table for support, I made my way round the table and gripped the handles of dad's wheelchair. I picked up the photo of mom and tucked it down the side of the chair cushion, where I knew it mostly stayed. Then, letting the chair take the brunt of my weight, I made good progress back along the hallway.

Getting dad ready for bed was usually an easy task. It was a routine we were both familiar with. I gave him as much privacy as I could while helping him get organised for and into bed. Tonight, it was more of a struggle. Dad woke up as I pushed him along the hall, and helped me as much as he could. He joked about us being a pair of crocks, but the worry was still there whenever he looked at me. I didn't blame him.

At last, I made it into my own bed. I fervently hoped that by morning my body would have healed enough that moving around wouldn't be so much of an ordeal. I didn't think I would sleep, and picked up Taha Aki's parchments where I had left off. I thought that if I could lose myself in them again, the night may be bearable.

Sleep overcame me quickly.

"_Kiss me, Jacob! I'm asking you to kiss me!"_

_Soft skin. Such a small, fragile body under my large hands. Silken hair that smelled of her shampoo and the mountain air. Her lavender scent swirling all around me, simultaneously calming and arousing me. The taste of her lips as my own captured hers. The whimpering sound she made when I bit down on her bottom lip, her tongue emerging immediately afterwards to twine with mine._

_**Love **radiating between us, charging the ions and particles in the air. I had imagined we were actually altering matter, so intense was the atmosphere surrounding us during that kiss. _

_Acceptance. Joy. Confirmation of one indisputable fact—**Bella is mine.**_

I woke with a start, disorientated and confused at first. I had been reliving every moment of that cherished, hateful kiss and it had been so damn real. I had an Alpha hard-on and tears on my cheeks. _How fucked up is that?_

I spent a good part of the night wallowing in it. I allowed all the good memories I had of my Bells to surface...and yes, that included the kiss on the mountainside. I had been so certain, so convinced that she would change her mind and choose me, after that kiss. My dream had been accurate. The love we had both poured into that one moment in time was phenomenal. We may not have made the earth literally move, but we made the air around us crackle and hum. I could probably live till I was two hundred and never recreate that shared love with anyone else.

And still, she denied the depth of it and chose death instead.

Sleep came and went. My despondent musings became troubled semi-dreams from which I would awaken gasping for a reprieve. Of course, no respite was available and around three a.m. I didn't think I could take anymore. With no option of going anywhere and nothing else to do, I returned to Taha Aki's manuscripts. Again, it seemed as though he was speaking to me through the pages. The message, presented in different ways, was always the same.

_In times of need, wait until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists._

It was such a familiar message, and I didn't know why. I decided to discuss it with dad when day finally arrived.

It took a long time for day to break. It took even longer for dad to waken up, exhausted as he was after his vigil over me the night before. I figured out around six a.m. that I could walk a little easier. I made it to the kitchen without needing to lean on something to ease the agony. I still had to kind of shuffle in a very un-wolf stealth way, but it was much better than before.

As I rummaged in the fridge for something I could eat pretty much immediately, I heard a familiar beep from the corner of the room. Glancing over, I saw my school backpack lying discarded on the floor by the back door. I rarely attended class anymore, and when I did I was so far behind it was humiliating. I remembered now that my cell phone was lying in there; the beeping indicated it was running low on battery.

I didn't really have much need for a cell these days. The only friends I had left—now that my life was clandestine—belonged to the pack, and we had a direct line to each other's heads. Only Bella ever used my cell to contact me. I wondered suddenly if she might have sent me a text. She would be worried about me and, like a dog at the prospect of a steak, I moved as fast as I could over to the corner where the backpack lay. Reaching in and fishing around until my fist closed around the phone, I pulled it out eagerly.

Nothing.

I froze, my hand tight around the phone. I had been so certain she would have sent me something, anything at all to show she was thinking of me and wondering how I was. I had told her I needed time, but since when had Bella ever listened to me?

A _crack _alerted me to the fact that I was holding the case too tightly and needed to ease my grip. I had to fight the urge to throw the fucking phone out the window. Dad would kill me if I smashed the glass, and I might need the phone at some point in the future, too.

That was the point where the realisation that she really, _really _had decided against being with me crashed over me like a tidal wave. I had heard her words and seen the truth in her eyes...but this action, or lack of action to be precise, spoke to me louder than anything she had ever said. Never before had Bella shown me so clearly by her actions that she didn't care enough about me. I slid to the kitchen floor, my grip tightening on the phone and cracking the case completely.

Pain that I had been only barely managing to keep at bay ravaged my heart and I tasted salty tears and heard great heaving sobs which I eventually realised were the products of me crying. It wasn't just that Bella was choosing someone else over me. It was that she was giving up her _life_, and doing so of her own free will. Instead of accepting the love of a human—and it didn't have to be me—she was running repeatedly back into the arms of a cold, dead thing that would turn her into one of them.

The memory of the feel of Bella's soft, warm cheeks cupped in my hands came floating to the forefront of my mind. That memory was immediately tainted by the image of those cheeks turning cold and hard, my natural enemy personified in the girl I loved beyond reason.

My wolf went berserk. As when Dr Fang had touched me, he erupted to the surface. Needle points all over my body strove to break through my human skin. He wanted me to give in to him, he wanted to hurtle through the trees and drag Edward Cullen out of his own home by the neck. He wanted to first bite off the fingers that had dared to touch Bella, and then tear his head from his body.

Writhing on the floor, fear joined with pain and anguish as it all combined together. Bella had rejected me, she was choosing death, and my wolf was stronger than me.

_NO!_

It began as a stubborn refusal to allow the wolf to take me over completely. It spread like molten lava through my arteries, veins and capillaries, until it reached my skin. Then, it slowly began pushing back the needle points that were my wolf attempting to break through. Bit by bit, using a force of will I never before knew I possessed, I gained over the animal until he was forced to recede completely.

Sitting on the kitchen floor, gasping and sweating, I finally felt that I had enough control to attempt to stand again. I had lost my appetite, which was highly unusual. Instead of eating, I went into the bathroom to attempt a shower. I was shaking, not from the need to phase, but from fear. Was I losing control of my wolf? What the fuck was going on with him?

Looking in the mirror, I saw again how dead my eyes seemed. I switched on the light for a better look. If the fire was still there, it would afford me some small comfort. Peering at my reflection, I was pleased to see that not only was the ember still burning, but there was a trace of determination now, too. I could feel it, the resolve not to give in to this pain. I could include my own fuckin' wolf in the list of things not to give in to, now.

I managed to get awkwardly into the shower, and stood under the warm stream for a while before beginning to get washed. As I lathered soap over my body, I thought my muscles seemed a little thicker than last time I had done this, the morning of the newborn fight. Looking down at myself, I was certain my thighs seemed stronger and when I glanced at the shower head, which was set to its highest point, I thought I had grown taller relative to it, too.

I was frowning by the time I dried with a towel that may as well have been a postage stamp for all it covered of me. Once we phased into our wolves, the growth spurt was supposed to stop. I hadn't gained an inch since my first phase and the other guys were the same.

Hearing dad stir, I realised again how much more clearly I could hear him now. I limped naked to my bedroom where I received confirmation that I had definitely grown again. My best fitting jeans were too short in the leg and too tight around my middle. I pulled them on anyway and went through to help dad out of bed and into his chair.

I had a lot I needed to discuss with him.

Two hours later, dad and I were together, poring over Taha Aki's parchments. He was reading the beginning pages which I had read the previous evening, and I was now onto the part of his life where he must have combined with the wolf. My heart sank when I read his description of his third wife: she is the one we have chosen.

I knew that meant she was his imprint. I hated—_loathed_—the concept of imprinting. Moreover, my wolf hated it, too. We couldn't deny that Sam, Jared and Quil were blissfully happy. Quil, the lucky fucker, was even getting laid regularly. But the idea that genetics would dictate who my soulmate was, set my teeth on edge. I wanted to _choose_. My wolf wanted to _choose. _Confirmation that our very founder had imprinted felt like a death knoll.

But that wasn't what dad and I were reading the scriptures for. He had listened to me talk for over an hour while we ate a breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon and coffee. I was confused about why Taha Aki's messages seemed so personal to me. I was frightened about what was happening with my wolf. I was baffled by my most recent growth spurt.

Dad told me Old Quil's theory—that I needed to have my will broken before I could move forward with my life. He suggested that the combination of having my bones crushed, Bella's final rejection, and something else which he believed had happened while I slept the night before last, had indeed broken my will. I agreed that was how I felt, but told him of the fire I could feel in my belly, and the oasis of calm that seemed to be just out of my reach. He smiled and patted my shoulder, telling me they were probably signs that I was already beginning to open my mind to my future.

He phoned Old Quil and I heard both sides of the conversation clearly. They both felt that my wolf was growing stronger, because he was preparing to take over as Alpha. Old Quil added that only when I was strong enough to control my new, more aggressive inner animal, would I be able to embrace my destiny.

Just listening to his voice as it hummed across the phone lines made me want to conquer all my fears and face what lay ahead. Life had thrown a lot at me—the loss of my mother, my sisters, my father's independence, my _own _freedom, and now the girl I knew for certain I would always love. I was stronger than all of it. I just needed to find my path, and I suddenly found myself eager to do it.

That was what led to dad and I poring over those old documents all day. We read and we talked, and I even made notes as we went along. By nightfall we were both convinced that my wolf was indeed preparing to take over as Alpha, and that this further metamorphosis had been triggered by the depth of emotional pain I'd had inflicted on me over the past couple of days.

The knowledge gave me some strength and instead of balking from what was going to be added responsibility, I was actually getting sort of excited about it. I hadn't felt equipped to be Alpha when I first phased and it seemed now that that had quite literally been the case. My wolf hadn't been ready to lead anymore than the boy had.

We had a couple of scares that afternoon. At some point my mind wandered and thoughts of Bella clouded my mind again. An image of her pure, innocent body being touched by a dead hand brought my wolf erupting to the forefront again. Dad stayed with me, and even though I could smell his fear and make out individual beads of perspiration along his brow, he kept on talking to me. He told me I was stronger than the animal, that I was born for this life and would be a great leader just as soon as I gained control over this. The second time the same thing happened, it seemed easier to get myself back under control.

And when, finally, Quil and Embry arrived with four gigantic pizzas and we were forced to put the parchments aside, I felt that I had made some real progress that day. I was still utterly broken. But I had a future, I had people around me who loved me, and I had listened to the message that Taha Aki really did seem to have written just for me.

_Be still and wait. The sunlight will pour through and dispel the mists. Then, go forward with courage._

**A/N: ****Thanks to a(nother) family drama, I'm not going to be around much for a while...meaning slower posting...I'll aim for a chapter a week, two if I can make it, until things get a little easier. I promise I'll be plotting twists in my absence!**


	6. Chapter Five The Birth of a Leader

**A/N: Before I start, I would like to give a huge shout out to Orla, who has joined niamhg as a pre-reader for this story. She is challenging me and making me think, and I like the results...even when I argue;) This chapter is for Orla, amended and extended as requested!**

The bear stood on her hind legs, looking down and slightly to her right at the clearing in the forest. Trees and natural hills obstructed her view, but even with an imperfect vantage point her keen eyes could make out most of what was happening. It was a sight likely to never have been seen before.

Nine enormous wolves sat in an almost perfect circle, spaced at a distance of a couple of metres apart. In the middle of the circle was another mammal. This one did not belong to the wild animal kingdom. This one was two-legged and lived in one of the wooden homes in the vicinity. Judging by his slightly stooped stance, even from a distance the bear could see he was elderly. His arms were raised high above his head. A sound reached the bear's ears and she cocked her head to listen better. It was an incantation of sorts.

Bizarrely, the nine wolves seemed to defer to this aged two-legged creature. As one, they bowed their heads to receive his blessing and as he passed by them, each one in turn lowered their shoulders in a sign of respect. He stopped finally by the largest wolf—a massive black beast that, before the human arrived, had appeared to be the leader.

The bear paid close attention as the behemoth black Alpha dropped his muzzle almost to the ground. He tolerated the old man actually laying his hands on his head, staying docile and still while the human prayed some further incantation. This was not the natural order of things. No member of the bear's own family would have tolerated such an invasion by another beast; especially one from a lesser species. Then again, bears were solitary animals, while wolves were sociable and loving by nature.

A rumbling sound alerted bear and wolves to the fact that more humans were approaching. Far from scattering or preparing to defend themselves, the wolves' ears pricked up expectantly. They were waiting for this company, and from the prancing paws of the youngest two wolves, it seemed as though they were excited.

The engine cut out a short distance from the clearing. A soft _thud _as a door closed and virtually undetectable footfalls were followed by a clanking sound. A pause, another _thud_ and muted voices. The bear was at too great a distance to hear much more.

The wolves, on the other hand, could clearly make out the sounds of their tribal Chief and his son approaching. Excitement, mingled with nervous anticipation, coursed through the pack mind. This day had been quite a long time coming.

It was three weeks since the fight with the newborns. Although Jacob Black's physical injuries had healed in mere days, he had not yet phased into his wolf. The pack were all well aware of the reasons for this. The wolf was strengthening, becoming more dominant, growing into his Alpha status. The boy—their old friend and comrade—had been struggling to keep his animal under control. Over a week earlier, when Embry visited him, he saw for himself what happened when the wolf attempted to break free.

It had been a new blow for Jacob. He had been immersing himself in the writings of Taha Aki, and taking instruction from Old Quil on how to pray in the old Indian way. He was keeping a log of his wolf's activities and how he felt as a human. He gained control daily and found that his own inner strength was slowly beginning to help him conquer his demons. He had announced he would phase within a few days and let the pack see who he now was.

And then, the wedding invitation had arrived. Ostentatiously ornate and stinking of leech, a condescending note was attached saying that if the roles were reversed, Edward would want the choice of whether to attend. For the first time since phasing, Embry felt real fear as he watched his childhood friend struggle against his enraged, bloodthirsty wolf.

Later, when Jake had his inner animal under control, he holed himself up in his garage to lick his newest wounds. Embry called the pack together and showed them the formidable beast they would soon have to deal with.

The very next day, Sam visited Jacob. Billy answered his knock and, smiling broadly, said only three words—_he is ready_. Sam took one look at Jake and knew exactly what Billy meant. The boy had finally gained an edge over his wolf and his heartache.

The boy was now a man.

Jake and Sam talked for hours that afternoon. Jacob wanted to take over as Alpha but asked for a few more days to test his own strength first. Self-doubt still crept in when he allowed it, and he wanted to be certain he was in full command of the animal within before taking over his pack. Sam vowed he would not fight the rightful Alpha but asked to be appointed as pack Beta, a request Jacob immediately granted. Uncertain how to proceed—never before had a born Alpha needed to take over from a stand-in—they approached Billy and Old Quil for guidance. The latter believed the will of the wolves would be enough to allow the switch to occur, but agreed to be present at the official pack meeting in case things did not go as planned and further instruction was necessary.

The appointed time was here. The wolves were assembled and Old Quil had blessed the pack in preparation for the change they were about to experience. Billy had requested to be present as tribal Chief. He and Jacob were now making their way through the foliage and into the clearing.

A crack of twigs under the wheels of the chair, a cough from the Chief, and a low hanging branch pushed aside...and the heir to the wolf pack walked slowly into the clearing.

His pack all knew he had grown again in recent days. He stood a few inches taller than before the newborn fight, and his muscular build had thickened still further. But the biggest change, the greatest difference, was in his stature and the gleam in his eyes. The boyish slouch was gone; the man stood tall and proud. His eyes, once so warm and filled with amusement and then blank, dead slates, were now pools of fiery determination that any man or beast would quake before.

In three short weeks, the metamorphosis from teenage boy who housed a young and inexperienced wolf, to Alpha and Leader, looked to be complete.

He didn't speak. His eyes pierced those of his pack individually, searching each one for any sign of doubt over what he was about to do. He found none; not even in the depths of the black wolf's. Nodding slightly, he turned to his father and spoke for the first time.

"Let's get this over with." Even his voice sounded different. Still husky, it had nonetheless dropped a couple of pitches. His deeper voice sounded more commanding and when it reached the assembled wolves' ears, they unconsciously bowed slightly in submission to it.

Billy reached out his hand and grasped his son's briefly. He alone knew the intense struggle that Jacob had endured over the past weeks. Three weeks may have seemed short to anyone else, but from the father's perspective, it had been a time of helpless agony. He saw through the new, tough exterior and understood that Jacob was nervous about what the pack would see in his mind today. It was the real reason he had not phased at all since the newborn fight...since Bella had left him.

Dispensing with his shorts, Jacob Black stood proudly naked before his pack. Even the lone she-wolf didn't avert her eyes; rather, she looked him over appreciatively. Her new Alpha was unashamedly glorious in his nudity. Strong, dense muscles seemed to cover every inch of his body. Russet skin coated the powerful sinews, which rippled as he moved. The black wolf rose to his feet and shifted his position in the circle, relinquishing his place as Alpha and leaving a gap at the head of the assembly for the rightful leader to fill.

Only Old Quil noticed that the previous Alpha had deferred not to the wolf, but to the man. He dropped silently to a lotus position on the ground, ready to absorb the mystical events which were about to occur. If the man could make an Alpha male defer to him...what would the beast be capable of?

Taking a steadying breath, Jacob looked around the assembled group once more. Sam had willingly relinquished his title and would be rewarded by being named Beta of the pack. Quil looked eagerly back at his old friend, winking one huge eye as he did so. Embry and Seth both give him a slight nod. Paul looked impassive. Leah and Jared looked merely expectant. Brady and Collin were prancing skittishly.

The time had come.

Shimmering around the edges, Jacob allowed the familiar _rip _to race along his spine. His wolf leaped eagerly to the surface, having been shackled for far too long, and the magnificent russet beast materialised before the pack and the two older men. He held his head high and breathed deeply as he allowed the clean forest air to fill his lungs. It had been an unnaturally prolonged period of time since the wolf had been allowed free.

The cacophony of the pack mind instantly bombarded Jacob. Excited greetings were yelled at him, both within the pack mind and in the yips and barks of the wolves. Happiness to see his wolf, delight that he was back in their midst, concern about his welfare, anger towards Bella and the Cullens for the pain they had inflicted on him, impatience that this ceremony was taking so long, desire to follow a new leader...

_**QUIET!**_

The internal roar was accompanied by a deafening snarl that made the two humans jump. The pack instantly hushed, dropping almost in unison to their hind quarters. The russet animal walked majestically through the centre of the circle, his tail held high in a display of dominance. He ignored Quil's chocolate wolf who lolled his tongue comically at him. This was not the time to joke around.

Taking his rightful position at the head of the group, he looked around him.

_It's done._

The slight tenor of surprise in his voice mirrored that of Sam's mind. The sheer force of Jacob's will had shifted the balance of power in his favour. He was the Alpha of the pack. His wolves acquiesced to him, and him alone. The role of leader was his birthright, and he had claimed it. A surge of pride and _rightness _flowed through him.

The Alpha male stood there, silent and still, and allowed his pack to access his mind for this one time only. He knew they would all be curious, and he knew there was nothing to be gained in attempting to hide it.

Seth saw it first, and jerked in shock. One by one, the rest of the pack found what they were looking for. An abyss of utter despair and heartbreak festered just under the new, tough surface.

_It makes no difference. I am stronger than it. I am more than capable of leading you through any invasion of bloodsuckers. The rest is my own business. You will not see it again._

Jacob deliberately shut off his heart to the joined mind and spent a further half hour focussing on pack business. He agreed to continue with the current patrol schedules but informed them of his intention to use the training they had learned under the guidance of Jasper and Carlisle. He wanted to enhance their repertoire of tactics against bloodsuckers. Until now, they had relied on crudely ripping them into pieces, relying on their sheer numbers to do so. As he now pointed out, one leech stood little chance against four or five wolves, but what if they found themselves outnumbered, or one wolf against two leeches with no immediate aid available? It was an unlikely scenario, but one he was determined they would be prepared for.

Sam was appointed Beta and a few minor issues dealt with. Then, Jacob adjourned his first meeting as Alpha. He remained seated at the head of the group while the wolves one by one phased out. Leah unexpectedly nuzzled his shoulder as she passed him by, then dipped her tail and licked up at his muzzle in an uncharacteristic display of submission. Quil and Embry didn't budge and finally, only Jake and his two oldest friends remained in the pack mind.

**Quil – **_That was nasty, Jake. How the fuck are you staying in control of that?_

_I just am. I told you, I'm stronger than it is. It got on top of me for a few days, and you both know I've been struggling with the wolf. But I'm strong enough to handle the wolf and the pain._

**Embry – **_Are you gonna be okay, man?_

_Yeah. _

No further explanation was forthcoming and Quil shifted uneasily. The festering wound in Jacob's heart did not look like it was going to be okay...and yet there was no doubt that his friend was convinced everything would turn out fine.

**Embry – **_Jake...what are you gonna do about Bella? I'm sorry to ask but we all want to know if we'll be asked to take out the Cullens._

_I'm gonna wait till she's ready and pray she doesn't do anything stupid in the meantime._

**Quil – **_Ready for what?_

_For me._

**Quil – **_Uh...she's marrying the bloodsucker in less than two weeks, you do know that, right?_

The russet wolf let loose a snarl that echoed through the entire forest.

_I do know that, Quil, but do not ever fuckin' mention it again._

The chocolate coloured wolf dropped immediately to his belly on the forest floor. His whine resonated in his Alpha's ears and Jacob sighed in something like regret.

_C'mon, do you guys wanna see how fast I can run now?_

Without waiting for an answer, Jake delightedly set his wolf free. His claws left deep gouges in the earth as he took off at a flat out run, easily hitting eighty miles an hour before he even left the clearing. His two old friends watched slack-jawed for a moment, before setting off after him. Without a prayer of catching up, Quil and Embry allowed their friend's sheer exhilaration to wash over them.

Jacob revelled in the feeling of the wind in his fur, his paws pounding the earth and the trees blurring past him. His wolf was faster, stronger, more powerful than before and the boy who had always loved speed and physical activity embraced it head on. Allowing everything to drop away—his heartbreak, his responsibilities, his burdens, his fears—the Alpha focussed only on the power that surged through his mighty body and enabled him to move at speeds he had only ever dreamed of. Without even the trace of a burn in his muscles, he tested his new strength and stamina and barked in delight at what he found.

His friends, valiantly trying to follow him, had long since fallen so far behind that they had to follow his scent. When Jacob finally came to a stop, scarcely out of breath and more than five miles ahead of Quil and Embry, the metaphor wasn't lost on him.

Jacob's pack brothers and friends could follow him. They could show their support and bring up his rear. But when his time came—and he understood that this was only the beginning—the Alpha stood alone.

* * *

On the hillside, the bear dropped from her hind legs and set off at a lope through the trees towards her home. She had witnessed strange sights that day. A human had interacted with the large wolf pack, a power balance had shifted, and the new Alpha was formidable.

He also had a very conspicuous weakness.


	7. Chapter 6 Still Friends

**Bella's POV**

"I think you should go and visit Jacob, love."

A marble hand shot out in time to catch the mug I dropped. I swung my hair over the side of my face and bit down on my lip to try and stem the tears which instantly flowed at the mere mention of..._my sun._

"He doesn't want to see me," I replied shortly, grabbing a cloth and dropping to my knees to wipe up the spilled coffee.

"No, he doesn't," Edward agreed calmly. "But that doesn't mean seeing each other wouldn't do you both good."

"I am definitely _not _good for Jacob!" I clambered back to my feet, still not looking at Edward and still trying to fight back my tears. "If I was good for him, I wouldn't have broken him the way I did!" I couldn't catch the sob that escaped my lips and I wanted to stamp my foot in frustration.

I had broken my best friend beyond repair, and I made my fiancé daily watch me cry over another man.

What sort of person _was _I?

Edward sighed and pressed cold, hard lips to my forehead. I tried to control the shiver that his icy temperature had evoked since..._that kiss_.

"Your dad's thinking about Jacob right now," Edward informed me candidly. "He's worried about him. He's changed over the past few weeks—quite considerably, apparently. And so have you, love. Go and see him."

"What is dad thinking _exactly?_" I stilled my movements rinsing the coffee out of the cloth and waited to hear what was going on in Charlie's head. He had, as usual, been spending a considerable amount of time in La Push. In the immediate aftermath of the newborn fight, he had been told Jake was involved in a motorbike accident. Billy went the extra mile and told my dad that it had happened after an argument with me.

Charlie had rarely been so angry with me. Even after I'd run off to Volterra and been grounded, my father's wrath hadn't felt so brutal. The way he saw it, the boy he regarded as almost a son was lying, bruised and battered in bed, nursing a heart that had been broken by me. The "accident" had been my fault for breaking his heart in the first place. It was me. All me. I had broken Jacob in every possible sense, and Charlie was disgusted with me.

I was disgusted with myself. Ten times a day, I picked up my phone to call him. Twenty times a day, I began to type a text message to send him. Each time, I remembered the look in his eyes when he asked me to give him some time, and each time, I lost my nerve. The only day I had come close to speaking with him was the previous Tuesday. The phone had rung—the house phone, not my cell. I answered and was met with silence. Something told me it was Jacob, and I had pleaded with him for over a minute to speak to me before whoever it was hung up. I called his cell and Billy's cabin immediately. Both went to voicemail and I had hung up shakily, without leaving any messages.

Every evening, dad would ask if I had contacted Jacob. When I was forced to admit I hadn't, he would shake his head in distaste.

Edward's voice cut through my thoughts. "He saw Jacob this morning. He was talking on the phone and he looked worried about something. Charlie thinks there's something going on in La Push that nobody's telling him about. He thinks Jacob has too much on his plate and that he could use a friend to help him deal with it. That friend, of course, being you." He smiled indulgently at me.

I frowned. There was plenty going on in La Push that nobody told Charlie about, but for it to be worrying Jake so much that it made my dad concerned, simply didn't sound right. I gnawed on my thumb nail as I thought about it. It dawned on me that having a mind-reading fiancé may help.

"_You _don't know what has Jake worried, do you?" I asked. He instantly looked guilty. "You do!" I accused him. "Why didn't you _tell _me? You know I've been killing myself over how he is! What do you know?"

"Bella, don't over-react when I tell you this. I know you had decided against this course of action but putting myself in his shoes, I would want the opportunity to see it happen for myself." Edward's hand was reached out towards me soothingly, and a horrible suspicion formed in my mind.

"You didn't," I whispered.

"I did, love."

"Edward, how _could _you? You sent Jacob an invitation to our wedding?" My voice rose in hysteria as I pictured my poor, broken Jacob opening the envelope that contained the precise date of my death knell.

"It should be his decision whether he attends or not," Edward attempted to placate me.

"When? When did you send it?" I demanded.

"Last week. It arrived on Tuesday."

"Oh my God." I sank onto a chair, remembering last Tuesday's phone call. "You had no right, Edward." He at least had the grace to look shamefaced as he acknowledged this as fact.

Right on cue, dad walked into the kitchen. I swore he had some kind of radar these days. Whenever I was arguing with Edward—which I had to admit, had been happening regularly since the newborn fight—he would materialise to lend his support to my side of the discussion.

"What's goin' on, kids?" he asked casually as he rinsed his coffee mug under the faucet.

"Edward sent Jake an invitation to the wedding," I informed him while glaring accusingly at my fiancé.

"Yup," dad drawled, putting the cup next to the sink to dry. "Doubt he'll be coming, though."

"You knew?" I was staring at Charlie now.

"Yup," he repeated. "It was kinda hard to miss. It was set on Billy's mantelpiece, charred round the edge a little. Looked all out of place in their living room but then it isn't their family's wedding." He rubbed the back of his neck and pulled a face. "Looks kinda out of place in our living room too, Bells."

I ignored his comment about this wedding being unlike my usual tastes. "Charred around the edges?" I asked.

"I guess Jake objected to it before Billy could stop him, something like that." His arms folded, Charlie settled against the kitchen counter with the look of a man who was not going to be moved. Edward sighed and kissed my forehead.

"Think about what I said, Bella," he murmured in my ear before heading for the door.

"You're leaving?"

"Yes. I'm going away for the rest of the day with Emmett."

"You didn't tell me." I knew he needed to hunt—his eyes were dark—but usually he gave me advance warning.

"Alice thought it would be best not to." He glanced warily at Charlie and I read instantly between the lines.

"She wants to spring another dress fitting on me," I concluded wearily.

Edward chuckled lightly. "It should be the last one, Bella. She'll be here any minute."

My last dress fitting had been a horror of fluffy material and obtrusive icy hands pulling at me. I had endured it in bad grace. Alice had picked out an ornate dress which, while apparently the height of _mode_, was definitely un-me. Chagrin at Edward's decision to send an invitation to Jacob after I had strongly argued against it, combined with the dread of another fitting session with Alice. I squared my shoulders and set my jaw.

"Dad? Can you call my cell in twenty minutes to check I made it to La Push?"

* * *

As I drove mutinously towards the reservation, studiously avoiding looking in my rear view mirror, it crossed my mind how ironic it was that after three weeks of mulling and obsessing, the decision to go and see Jacob had been made in the heat of the moment. I could feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach and my hands grew clammy on the steering wheel.

_How would he be? Would he hate me?_

I deserved his contempt. Part of me wished he _would _hate me and make me even more miserable than I already was. I had earned every scornful coal he could heap on my head. And yet, I yearned for him to come racing out the garage when he heard my truck, hauling the door practically off its hinges and pulling me out the cab into one of his bone crushing hugs.

Signalling to turn left off the main road, I chanced a glance in my rear view. The silver Volvo wasn't signalling. Of course, he couldn't follow me onto the reservation, but my shoulders sagged in relief when he drove straight past. I avoided his disappointed gaze, focussing instead on the cruiser that had followed _him_. It was also going straight on.

Charlie's cop instincts had, quite understandably, kicked in the moment I asked him to ensure I made it to my destination. He made a fuss about having something he needed to discuss with Carlisle and before I knew it, he was waiting by the cruiser while a disgruntled Edward quietly attempted to talk me into going with Alice instead. I pointed out to him that he was the one who had suggested I should go and see Jake, and marched off to my truck.

On the road to La Push, I crossed the treaty line and almost immediately, a howl sounded to my right. I smiled automatically; it felt foreign on my face. It had been a while since I'd heard one of the wolves so close by. They didn't patrol around Charlie's home anymore. Edward was always with me and if he had to hunt, I was with Alice. I had protection enough from any nomadic monsters.

Of course, I also knew I had burned my bridges with the pack the moment I left Jake that dreadful day. They wouldn't feel any desire to protect me now. That thought sent a shiver through me. I was an enemy here, or at least fraternising with them. The hairs on the nape of my neck rose and I wondered if I was being watched. I looked around me uselessly as I drove. If the wolves didn't want to be seen...they wouldn't be.

Arriving at last outside the familiar red cabin that evoked warmth and sunshine in my mind, I waited for a moment. I was yearning for the door to open; or for Jake to race out of the garage.

It was almost eerily still.

Climbing self-consciously from the truck, I headed up the porch steps and knocked on the front door. I hadn't realised how much I was longing to see Jake until the thought hit me that he may not be home. He may be patrolling, or hanging out at Sam and Emily's place. I waited a full minute before the door opened, revealing not Jacob, but Billy. His face was not welcoming.

"Hello, Bella." His usual warmth had been replaced with dispassion.

"Hi...Billy. Um...I came to see Jake."

"Well, I didn't think you were here for me." I would have thought he was joking except that his eyes betrayed no humour. I laughed slightly anyway, feeling awkward and unwelcome.

"Is he here?" I asked eventually.

"He's in the garage. Just go on round. He'll know you're here."

The final sentence was unnecessary. We both knew very well that Jake would have heard my truck arriving and every word of my exchange with his father. This was simply Billy reminding me that his son had not bounded out to greet me.

"Thanks." I gave him a wan smile and turned towards the garage. As I walked the short distance, I imagined several pairs of eyes were boring into me. Turning to glance over my shoulder, I saw that one of those pairs belonged to Billy Black. He had wheeled himself onto the porch and was watching me go. When our eyes met, he shook his head slightly and turned back indoors.

I had never felt so unwelcome at the Black home before. Tears stung my eyes but I knew there were still wolves watching. I could feel their unfriendly glares as I picked up my pace and covered the final distance to what had once been my haven...Jake's garage.

The door was closed over—not shut tight, but slightly ajar. Hesitantly, I raised my hand to knock lightly. The radio was on inside; I could hear the muted tones and I smiled when I made out Jake humming tunelessly along to it. He had always enjoyed listening to music while he worked out here. It was my fault he had lost that habit, and I was pleased he seemed to have regained it.

I rapped my knuckles on the door a few times and pushed it open.

"Jake?"

The single naked bulb in the ceiling illuminated the once familiar space. I felt a rush of pure nostalgia as I looked around me. There was the overturned crate I had sat on as Jake worked on the bikes. Over in the corner was his bike. I saw the mud on the wheels and hoped that meant he had ridden it recently. The Rabbit was in the middle of the floor. A pair of bare footed, jean-clad legs—one knee bent out to the side—stuck out from under it.

"Jake?" I repeated again, a little louder this time. I knew there was no way he didn't know I was here, and I felt the intended sting.

"Hang on a minute. I need to tighten this before I come out." His husky voice sounded a little deeper than I remembered, but it was still so familiar, so..._beloved_, that I felt my throat choke up. I swallowed it back.

"Okay." It was all I could manage, and suddenly I was fighting back tears again as I willed him to hurry up so I could just _see _him.

A bang, a quiet curse, a grunt, and there he was before me. I had to swallow hard once more when I took him in. He had grown _again_, and his muscles looked impossibly thicker than they had a few weeks earlier. His hair was slightly longer, and his already matured features looked older still. He could easily have passed for being in his mid- to late-twenties.

He was beautiful.

He was mesmerising.

I felt inadequate.

"Hey." Even with just that one word, his voice sounded guarded and when I looked into his eyes, my knees nearly gave way under me. Once so warm and sparkling, they were now harder, _fierce_. They drew me in and pierced straight through my soul.

_What had happened to Jacob?_

I stuttered for a moment while the man before me crossed his arms over his black T-shirt, then bent one leg and placed it on the fender of the Rabbit, gazing steadily at me all the time.

"You look different," I blurted out eventually. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. He was still Jake, but the awe I was feeling in his presence was all new.

He laughed humourlessly. "So I keep hearin'."

"You look older. More...I don't even know what."

"Sexier?" He cocked one eyebrow at me and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of the old Jake's humour in his eyes. Inevitably, I flushed and he chuckled slightly. "I see _you _haven't changed."

"You're funny," I said drily. We looked at one another for a moment until Jake finally uncrossed his arms and threw the spanner he was holding into his tool box with a perfect aim.

"What are you doin' here, Bella?"

"I wanted to see you, that's all."

He crossed the garage to a brown paper bag I hadn't noticed before and pulled out two cans.

"Warm soda?" The faint trace of a grin appeared, softening his newly matured eyes.

"Sure, sure," I said back at him. He had started to look away from me but double took at that. Tossing the can towards me, he proceeded to back up against the far wall. Leaning casually against it, he popped his can open and stared at me.

"So what did you want to see me for?"

"I just wanted to see you. I've been worried about you, Jake."

"Yeah, real worried. Couldn't even call or send a text kinda worried."

"I tried! I mean I wrote about eight dozen texts but...you asked me to give you time. I wanted to respect that."

"Until today. What happened today?" He was still staring at me with those fiery eyes and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. Except it wasn't an unpleasant uncomfortable, it was more of a tingling feeling.

"Today...Edward said Charlie was thinking about you, and that I should come and see you."

Anger flashed across his face and his fist tightened around the can, making it crumple. The contents spilled unnoticed at his feet. He began to vibrate in a way I knew meant his wolf was close to the surface. And then...he bowed his head, took a deep breath, and grew still. When he looked up at me again, he looked inexplicably triumphant but his tone was harsh when he addressed me.

"So you're here today because the bloodsucker told you to come, not because you thought of it all by yourself."

"No, I...I'm here today because it was either visit you or have another dress fitting. I'm sorry about the invitation, Jacob. It wasn't my idea."

Jacob stayed very, very still for a long time. His eyes were searching mine and I couldn't read the expression in them at all. Finally, he looked down in surprise at the crushed can in his hand, sighed, and tossed it into the trash can—again with the perfect aim. I watched as he crossed to the paper bag to get another soda. There was a self-assuredness about the way he moved that hadn't been there before. He looked relaxed in his own skin, and the grace with which he moved his body was more reminiscent of a proud animal than a teenage boy. When he straightened again, his hair had flopped into his eyes. He ran his fingers through it, and I had a sudden memory of doing exactly the same thing during..._that kiss._

I averted my gaze, not allowing myself to dwell on that any longer. It haunted my every sleeping moment. I tried not to allow it to take over my waking moments, too. It wasn't lost on me that the harder I tried to push it down, the more prominent it became in my dreams.

He was talking again. "Forget the invitation. Whether I got sent one or not, you'd be getting married anyway. No, I didn't like having it shoved in my face and please tell your leech not to post anything to me...like, _ever_ again. It stank. But forget about it. You're telling me you're here because you prefer this option over getting fitted for your _wedding _dress?"

"By Alice," I amended, knowing he would understand immediately. I was right. He snorted.

"So it was me or the demonic pixie with pins? Fair enough." He drained his can and levelled another look at me. "Well, now you're here do you wanna watch me work on the Rabbit? Cos I gotta get it done today. I need it tomorrow."

"Fine with me." I had the feeling he'd hoped I would say no, but the prospect of an afternoon watching Jake at work in his garage made me feel ludicrously happy.

He shrugged. "'Kay, but the radio stays on. I like this channel."

I wasn't going to argue. The truth was that I'd never really gotten back into music since Edward's return from Italy, but it seemed perfect suddenly to have this garage filled with the muted rock sounds that came from the old, battered radio. I watched as Jake dropped to the ground and scooted under the car again. Taking my customary seat on the upturned crate, I felt a rush of gladness that he was allowing me to be here. Times had been simpler, when it was just me and Jake and long days in his garage.

"Jake?"

"Yeah." His voice was slightly muffled, as though he was holding one of his tools in his mouth while he worked.

"Thank you for letting me be here."

"'Sokay. I mean, we're still friends, right?"

"Right." I exhaled in relief, a goofy smile on my face. Being without the friendship of my sun had been killing me. "So what do you need the Rabbit for tomorrow?" I asked casually, just making conversation.

"I'm leaving town for a bit."

"You're leaving?" Panic clawed at me. We had only just gotten our friendship back on track and he was going? "How long are you away for?"

"Just a day or two. Why?"

"I...I was hoping I could come and see you again."

"Well, come and see me when I get back." A clanking sound came from under the car and I wished I could see his face. He sounded casual—more casual than Jacob had _ever _sounded when he talked to me. He had always been eager to please me, but he was acting now for all the world like I was just another girl to him. I felt fear rake through my heart and berated myself for it. I had chosen Edward. Jacob was free to move on.

"Where are you going?" I asked. I just wanted to hear his voice. It had been so long since I'd heard it.

"What's with the twenty questions?" His answering query was spoken in friendly enough tones but the fear that had begun to tear at me increased tenfold. Jacob had always told me everything...hell, he'd even shared tribal secrets with me before he knew they weren't just superstitious legends. Evading my probing questions was just not something he had ever done.

"I'm just making conversation," I muttered. There was a silence and I knew he wasn't going to tell me where he was going. The silence extended until he broke it again.

"So tell me about your dress." His voice sounded muffled again, and I imagined him with a wrench in his mouth.

"My dress?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah. You know, your wedding dress? The one you're marrying the bloodsucker in?" I wished again that I could see his face.

"You want to hear about my dress?" I asked slowly.

"I didn't say I _want _to hear about your dress. I mean, I'm a guy so I'm not into that shit. But we're friends, you're getting married, and that's a big deal to chicks, right? So you talk about your wedding and I'll listen while I work."

I shot to my feet. This was..._wrong. _I couldn't give Jacob details about my wedding, and especially not in his garage. I didn't come here to talk about the day that was looming ever closer, the day that would seal not just the rest of my life, but all eternity. I came here to see Jacob, to hang out with my sun and attempt to build some bridges.

But how could I explain all that to him?

"The dress is um..." I had to fight back tears that I didn't understand. I began pacing while I forced the words out. "It's like a meringue," I admitted eventually and I heard him snort. "It's white, obviously..."

"Why obviously?" He sounded genuinely surprised and I froze in my tracks.

"Well, it _is _a wedding dress." I tried to make light of it.

"It's _your _wedding dress," he amended. "I didn't think you'd choose white."

_I didn't._

I swallowed hard. "So what colour did you see me getting married in then?" I tried to keep my tone teasing and heard that I was failing abysmally.

"I dunno. Hadn't really thought about it. But I didn't have you pegged as a traditional white dress girl." He snorted again. "Then again, I didn't have you pegged as a get married young girl either, so I guess I just don't know you as well as I thought I did."

If his words were intended to hurt, they hit their mark. The tears, never far away it seemed, sprang forward again and I had to rub my eyes hard to keep them at bay. His voice came again from under the car.

"So it's a white meringue. I hope you can walk in it without tripping over the train." There was laughter in his tone.

"The train isn't the problem," I told him. My voice sounded slightly strangled. "It's the heels on the damn shoes that are going to make me fall walking up the aisle."

"Better get a different pair then. Don't wanna trip on your way up the aisle." Jake's voice sounded muffled again.

"I can't. Alice would kill me."

"I thought that was the idea anyway, or is Edward doing it himself? And what do you mean, you can't change what shoes you wear to your own wedding?" There was a harsh edge to his voice now and I wished harder than ever that I could see his face. The thought struck me that he might be where he was deliberately so that I _couldn't _see him. I knelt down to look at him lying under the car and he simultaneously shot out from under it. He kept his back to me as he fiddled with some tools. When he finally turned back to face me, his expression was neutral.

"Alice gets to decide what shoes you wear on your wedding day?" he prompted me. He was holding some kind of screwdriver and began twirling it between his long fingers.

"I've kind of given her the freedom to organise everything," I explained. Jake's eyes bored into mine and I dropped my gaze under his scrutiny.

"You didn't want any control over what happens on one of the biggest days of your life?" Had he been curt, or rude in his tone I would have been able to retort heatedly and tell him to mind his own business. Instead, his voice was so gentle and _understanding_. The next thing I knew, the tears were flowing freely down my cheeks and Jacob's familiar warm arms were around me, holding me tightly to his solid chest so that I wouldn't simply fall apart.

"Tell me, Bells," he murmured into my hair as he stroked it gently. It was so incredibly soothing. I wanted to stay here in the safety and comfort of his arms, and never leave.

"I never wanted to get married," I hiccupped against his T-shirt. "It was...kind of a deal we made. You don't want to hear this." I brought myself up short. How could I explain it to Jacob? I wanted an eternity as a vampire and I wanted to sleep with Edward, so I had to agree to marry him first?

"No, I probably don't want to hear it," Jake agreed candidly. "Spare me the details. But honey, getting married as part of a _deal _is a _really _bad idea." Putting his huge hands on my hips, he pushed me away gently. I wanted to shout and be engulfed in his embrace again but this was _wrong. _I had chosen Edward and I needed to let Jacob go. He moved his hands to my face and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. His eyes had softened but the fire in them still burned in a mesmerising way. His gaze captured mine and I couldn't have looked away if I tried. "Bella...this has nothing to do with wolves and leeches, or anything like that, okay? This is just one friend talking to another. Getting married as part of a deal, wearing a dress that's not _you_, shoes that you're afraid of and sending out invitations that belong in an art gallery...None of this sounds like Bella Swan to me. So either you are making one helluva mistake here, or I really never did know you."

Dropping his hands, Jake took a large step backwards. The distance it created between us felt like a gulf and I instinctively moved to step towards him again. My body ached for his physical warmth, and my heart yearned for the warm protection he had always given me.

When he turned away from me and began heading for the garage door, the fear I had felt earlier raced through me again, making my heart pound uncontrollably.

"I gotta go patrol, Bella. I leave first thing in the morning. I'll see you when I get back."

I was left standing, alone and very much afraid, in the middle of the place that had once been a safe haven, a second home. My heart raced as I felt the foundations of my life begin to crumble. I sank to the ground and placed my head between my knees as a possibility opened up to me for the first time.

_I couldn't._

_Could I?_

**A/N: I wanted to get the whole Bella/Jake post-Alpha thing done in one chapter but I couldn't, or not without making it a ridiculous 8-10,000 word affair anyway. Bella still needs to tip him right over his Alpha edge, and I've decided to go back over some of this chapter in Jake's POV too, so that's all going in next chapter...And then we can get moving with this story:D **

**As for all the people who know me oh-so-well and guessed that last chapter's bear was no ordinary bear...yes, you were right and very well done. I think I may be getting predictable. Who is she? You'll find out in chapter 8.**


	8. Chapter 7 The Text

Charlie and I sat in near silence at the kitchen table. I had made us ravioli and dad was on his second helping. I had done little other than play with the small amount that was on my plate. Every now and then, I would look up and find him staring at me in consternation; he would invariably look away and we would go back to our silent meal.

When I got back from La Push, dad had grilled me on whether I'd seen Jake, how he was, and whether I would be going back again. I answered all his questions honestly, but I was distracted by the new train of thought that had seeped into my consciousness and taken root.

Dad got up to put his dishes in the sink and I automatically followed suit. In a daze, I opened a cupboard door to put my plate back in.

"Bella!" Charlie's voice startled me and I looked in disbelief at the plate in my hand, which still contained three quarters of my dinner. He reached out and took it from me. "Not hungry, huh?" He scraped the food back into the pan, muttering about late night snacks. Turning back to me, he rubbed the back of his neck. "I guess you don't wanna talk about it?"

I just stood there, staring at him. Could I put my thoughts into words? He snapped his fingers before my face, and sighed when I didn't flinch.

"What's going on, Bella?" he demanded.

I took a deep breath. It was only Charlie. And Alice probably already knew anyway. "I was thinking about maybe...Dad, if I...po-postponed the wedding..." His eyes widened and he stood suddenly taller, fully attentive. "Just for a little while...I guess that would be okay, right?"

"It would be more than okay if it's what you want to do," he said firmly.

"It's only two weeks away," I said weakly. "So much work has gone in...and money..."

"Bella, you do not get married because of the effort or cost that's gone into the day itself. You get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you love."

"It's forever," I whispered. My knees felt weak and I sat on the nearest chair.

"It is," Charlie agreed, misunderstanding that I literally meant _forever._

"I love Edward, dad." I looked up at him. "It's not that I don't. There are just...things...I want some more time to think about."

Charlie sat down in the chair next to me and grasped my hands in his. It struck me that this was the closest we'd ever come to having a proper bonding moment. "Bella, this has all happened very fast. If you need a little time—a little breathing space, or whatever—then take it. You don't need me to tell you that this isn't something you do with any doubts in your mind. When I walk you down the aisle to meet your future husband, I want you to be blushing and radiant on my arm...not the pale, frightened girl you've been lately."

My cell ringing interrupted us. I knew it was Edward. Alice would have called him and he would be on his way back from his hunting trip. I glanced at it sitting on the kitchen counter and then looked down at my hands, still clasped by those of my father.

"Sooo...is it being postponed then?" Charlie asked. I looked up at him and saw the concern and _hope _in his eyes. I nodded. Relief flooded his features and he blew out a long breath. "You need some back-up when you tell them?" he wanted to know. I smiled thinly at the way he said _them _and not _him_. My dad didn't miss much, it seemed.

"I think they already know," I said quietly. My cell had gone to voicemail and was now ringing again. Standing on slightly shaky legs, I walked over to answer it. The caller display was flashing _EDWARD _at me. I hit the button and put it to my ear.

"Bella, love, don't make any hasty decisions. I'm on my way right now..."

"Edward, wait!" I interrupted him. "It's just for a few months, if even that long. Everything went so fast and I know I agreed to it, but...it's a huge commitment Edward. All of it. I only need a little while."

There was a silence and when he spoke again, I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain I heard in his voice.

"Can I come over tonight?"

"Of course you can! I wouldn't have it any other way. But don't rush back, wait till you're done."

"I'm done. I'll be with you in five minutes."

"Five..." My voice trailed off as the line went dead. I hadn't bargained on him being quite that fast. I wanted some time alone with my thoughts. Not that Edward could read my thoughts, but it distracted me when he was there.

"Everything okay?" Charlie's voice was very serious and I realised I was standing still, just staring at the cell in my hand.

"Yeah, it's okay. Edward will be here in five minutes."

"Do you want to see him?"

"I need to talk to him, dad."

"That's not what I asked."

I looked up then and couldn't help but smile. An expression of fierce protectiveness was on his face. This was my father, prepared to keep his daughter's fiancé at bay if I asked him to.

"It's okay, dad. I want to see him."

He looked a little disappointed but relaxed slightly nonetheless. "All right, but I'll be right here watching TV if you need me." He gave me a firm nod, then headed for the living room. I heard the muted sounds of a game almost immediately and set about clearing away the dinner things.

The doorbell rang too soon. My feet, which once would have flown as though on feathered wings to get to the man who stood on the other side, now felt as though they were filled with lead weights. I opened the door and flinched at the expression on the face of the boy I loved with all...or _most_...of my heart.

"You've absolutely decided?" he asked. His eyes, closer to a safe amber now, looked tortured.

"No." I reached out my hand to take his, tugging on it to encourage him to step inside the house. "I've only decided that I need a little more time. Not much, maybe just until after the New Year."

"Can we go upstairs?" he asked quietly.

"You tell me," I replied wryly.

He smiled a little at that, but it was a sad smile. "Charlie is willing to put all restrictions aside provided you call off the entire wedding."

"Then I guess we can go upstairs."

Edward went first and I trailed after him. Once inside my room, he shut the door and put his arms around me. Bending his head to mine, he kissed me deeply. I was shocked. This wasn't the reaction I'd expected from him. Kissing Edward with abandon was something that I had dreamed of, fought for and not had enough of. I tried to reciprocate. I remembered the longing I used to feel to have his lips pressed hard against mine and to feel encased in his solid grasp. I kissed him back, squeezing my eyes shut against the tears that, again, sprang to the surface.

_What was wrong with me? _Everything I had wanted—an eternity with this boy, telling the world I belonged to him, kissing him with a passion he would never normally allow—it was all within my grasp...

Marble lips _(soft and pliant) _pressed hard onto _(yielded with) _mine. Arms made of marbled ice _(hot muscle) _formed a rigid band _(protective circle) _around my waist. One frozen _(warm) _hand found flesh under my shirt. It trailed up my side, leaving goosebumps from its icy _(sensual) _touch. Daring suddenly to venture further than ever before, it moved towards my breast...

"_NO!_" I struggled against the manacle around my waist and it reflexively tightened momentarily before loosening. The brief contraction of his arm was too much for my human frame, and I gasped with pain.

"Bella! Love...are you all right?" Edward's eyes were tortured.

"I'm fine." I didn't add that there would most definitely be a large bruise around my ribs by morning. There was no need to add to the guilt he already clearly felt.

We stood staring at one another for a long moment.

"That wasn't what you wanted," he said finally. His tone was flat, despondent. "I apologise for attempting to touch you that way. I thought it was the source of the problem. Clearly, I was wrong."

"You thought I want to postpone the wedding because you won't _sleep _with me?" I asked incredulously. "How is that logical?"

He smiled at that. "I have never called you logical, Bella."

"Even so," I grumbled. "If it was all to do with..._that_, I would be bringing the wedding forward, not putting it back."

"Then what is it, love? Something to do with Jacob?"

"No!" The denial came out too fast, too vehemently. "Look, Edward, I need...I need some time, okay? I guess you could call it cold feet. This is literally forever, and it's suddenly frightening me. It didn't before, but it does now. I just want to work out the things that are scaring me before saying 'I do'. Can you understand that?" I was beseeching him with my eyes and my voice, praying he would be able to make some kind of sense out of my illogical human thought processes.

His eyes were only sad when he answered me. "I do understand, Bella. I appreciate that agreeing to be married to a monster who intends to turn you into one of his own kind is a frightening prospect."

"That's not the way I see it!" I protested. "That's not what this is about! This is just about me, getting ready to commit to you for all eternity, and suddenly realising that...maybe the way we're going about it isn't _me_." Jacob's words hadn't left my head since he had walked out on me earlier. The entire wedding was not my doing...and it was _my _wedding, after all.

"What do you need, Bella?" Edward still sounded tortured and I hated it. Part of me wanted to throw myself back into his arms and tell him I needed him, and only him.

I knew that would be a lie.

"I need some time, Edward. Time alone." His head hung and my heart ached. Tears sprang to my eyes yet again.

"How much time?"

"I...don't know," I admitted. His head hung lower for a few seconds and then he raised it and nodded. Leaning in to kiss my forehead, he left the room by the door. I was confused by his choice of exit, until I realised Charlie had seen him come in and would need answers if he didn't see him leave. I followed Edward to the front door and promised to call him the next day. His answering smile was clearly forced.

I had always dreamed. My dreams were always vivid and sometimes haunting, and often when I awoke, they lingered with me.

Right now, it was a curse. When Edward left, I had recurring nightmares. Since the newborn fight, I had recurring, confusing dreams about my best friend. They always started the same way—with me asking him to kiss me. He _always_ did. Sometimes, I dreamed of the vision I'd had while kissing him—two dark haired children and our life together. Time would accelerate and I would feel unafraid of the passing years.

Sometimes, instead of fast forwarding through years, we would stay right there on the mountainside. On those nights, our kiss would go a lot further than it actually had. On one embarrassing night, I'd wakened, moaning and needy with my hand between my legs. Edward was across the room, his eyes dark and tortured. Fortunately, I hadn't said Jacob's name and Edward had assumed I was dreaming of him. I was too ashamed to confess the truth. These dreams perplexed me—I'd never thought of Jake in a sexual way, and had certainly never dreamed of Edward so..._explicitly_. Perplexed or not, they lingered with me for a long time after waking.

The night I postponed my wedding, however, the dream was different. I asked Jacob to kiss me, and he walked away. I ran after him, and when he turned to look at me, the fire burning in his eyes took my breath away. I pleaded with him to kiss me, to show me he still loved me. He was resolute. He'd given me all of himself, he said, and it hadn't been enough. He needed to move on now. I argued with him. I'd tasted what he could offer me, when he kissed me before the newborn fight. I wanted it, wanted _him_.

Still, he refused me.

I woke up at 2 am with tears streaming down my cheeks and a hollowness in my chest that I knew Edward would never be able to fill. I lay awake for an hour, trying to make sense of my jumbled emotions. I loved Edward. I loved Jacob. I had once thought I couldn't live without Edward; Jacob had been very close to proving me wrong. Another six months, and he _would _have proved me wrong. I had always thought I _could _live without Jacob; I had the beginnings of a notion that he was going to prove me wrong on that as well.

Eventually, I realised that Jake didn't know I had decided to postpone the wedding. I got out of bed and found my cell on my desk. There were two text messages from Edward. I read them first. The first had been sent shortly after I went to bed.

_**I've already taken care of all the necessary cancellations. You don't need to worry about anything.**_ _**I miss you already.**_

The second was sent half an hour later.

_**Good night love. I won't be far away tonight if you need me.**_

I frowned while I typed my reply.

_**I was going to take care of the cancellations tomorrow. You're not sitting outside my window are you?**_

His reply was almost immediate.

_**Do you want me to come in? I thought you would offer to do the cancellations but there were a few surprises you didn't know about.**_

I gritted my teeth. Of course there were 'surprises' I didn't know about planned for my wedding day. Never mind that I hated surprises and any kind of fuss. I typed my reply in irritation.

_**Don't come in. I really meant it when I said I need time alone.**_

"When we set another date for this wedding, I'm going to have more of a say in the planning!" I hissed in the general direction of the window, just in case he really was outside. Then, I typed a message to Jake.

_**I postponed the wedding. It won't be happening in two weeks after all. I thought you'd want to know. Bells**_

Climbing back into bed, I placed my cell on the pillow beside me and set about waiting for Jacob's reply.

**Jacob**

Brady and Jared watched quietly as their Alpha ran with a single minded fury they had never seen before. They saw the desire in his mind to be alone, but he didn't seem to be in enough command of himself to make it an official order. Concerned, they remained phased for the time being.

Jacob was trying to create a burn in his powerful muscles...something, _anything_, to take away the pain that was ripping through his heart and seeping into his soul. Tearing through the trees at a staggering speed, he paid no heed to the fallen leaves that whipped up around him, or the startled forest animals that scampered away from his thundering paws. Flashes of what was upsetting him so much reached the two watching wolves. Of course, it was Bella. All Bella.

_Bella's scent. Concentrated in the confined space of the garage, and contaminated by the leech._

_Bella's voice. So sweet, but so uncertain._

_The feel of Bella in his arms. Familiar. Right. Beloved._

_Bella's denial of her feelings, of what she wanted._

_The Alpha's denial of her._

As the russet wolf crashed in agony and turmoil through the woods, his jumbled thoughts slowly began to become clearer. For as long as Bella denied who she was and what she truly wanted, the Alpha would deny her. He had given to her freely, and she had refused him. He had shown her what he could offer, and she had rejected him. Now, he would refuse and reject her until she came to her senses.

Jared and Brady watched as their leader's mind cleared and his initial anguish began to subside a little. It had taken almost an hour, but with the man finally understanding what the animal's instincts had been dictating to him in the garage, he started to calm.

_Be still._

Coming to a standstill with his sides quivering and his tail and head drooped, the Alpha wolf relived what had happened in his garage. Bella's scent—hell, her very _presence_—had made the man want to run to her, enfold her in his arms because it had been _too long_.

It was the instincts of his inner Warrior that made him keep his distance and act like the very whisper of her breath wasn't his own personal elixir. Jacob knew now what he hadn't before—that his instincts were to be trusted above all else. He allowed the wolf to dictate his behaviour. Only when Bella cried and was so obviously uncertain of her path, did the man overrule the beast.

He now wished he hadn't.

The feel of her in his arms was all he ever wanted. Pushing her away when he knew she wanted to stay there had cost him dearly.

But he knew, his instincts were the right ones to follow.

_Deny her._

Jacob ordered the two watching wolves out of the pack mind, and spent several hours patrolling alone. There was nothing to do on patrol, other than to run and scent. He thought over all that he had been learning from Taha Aki's writings.

_Be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists._

He was moving closer to his goal. The deep oasis of calm that he had sensed when he awoke the morning after the newborn fight, was almost within his grasp. He could feel it. Each time he gained self-control, each time he stilled and commanded his inner torment, it inched ever closer.

With it came strange feelings. Premonitory feelings. As though he possessed knowledge he didn't know he had. It mostly centred around Bella. Jacob knew the rest of his pack didn't understand why he was so certain that she belonged with him. He didn't understand it much himself, when everything seemed to point to the contrary. He knew his father thought he had given up on ever winning her over, and part of him wished he could.

He knew he never would. Until her heart stopped beating, and possibly beyond, he would always hope. How much that was his natural optimism, and how much was due to these strange feelings of premonition he now had, he didn't know.

It wasn't just Bella though. There had been other moments over the past couple of days. He had gone to Sam's cabin and seen Emily the day before. When she turned to greet him, her scars had set a loud alarm off in his head. He had openly gaped at her for a moment before collecting himself, confusing Emily and earning a low growl from Sam.

The day before that, he had been on patrol with Quil. The chocolate wolf was goofing around, rolling about in the mud and pretending to beg to have his stomach tickled. His body twisted suddenly, and Jacob had a sudden image of his old friend lying ripped and bleeding on the ground. Quil had been just as upset as Jacob over it, especially when the Alpha couldn't say where such an image had come from.

Jacob discussed these new feelings with Billy, who in turn consulted Old Quil. Both older men strongly believed that the dreadful night after the newborn fight, Jacob had been shown something by the Spirits. They advised him to continue to listen to his instincts, and wait until his path became clear.

Finally calm enough to return home, Jacob summoned Seth and Leah to patrol, and headed for the sanctity of the little red cabin. Billy was waiting for him there, worry and fear etched on his face. Jake badly needed to shower and eat. He simply laid a hand on his dad's shoulder as he passed, communicating to him without words that he was okay, he had survived his first meeting with Bella. Billy grasped his hand and then let him go.

Hours later, as Jacob lay in his bed willing sleep to claim him and signal the passing of another day, he heard his cracked phone beep in the living room. Only Bella used his cell these days. Sitting up in bed, he wondered briefly whether it was worth attempting to fight the urge to run to it.

_As if._

Annoyed with himself for being such a pushover, he stepped grumbling out of his room and sought out the cell. Almost fearfully, he opened the message.

_**I postponed the wedding. It won't be happening in two weeks after all. I thought you'd want to know. Bells**_

Surprised shock gave way to light headed relief. Relief gave way to chagrin. _Typical Bella. Here's a glimmer of hope, Jake, but no promises. _Chagrin was swept away in a tidal wave of fury. Right there, in the living room, Jacob felt his wolf erupt and knew he had no chance of controlling it this time.

He barely made it out of the cabin.


	9. Chapter 8 Meeting Nita

**_Sorry _for the delay in updating! **

The night was brutal after receiving Bella's text. The white hot anger that had driven me to phase didn't abate. It was directed at Bella...all of it. I found myself dangerously close to the Cullens' territory in wolf form and I didn't even care. I wanted to hurl myself across the invisible damn line and pound my way to Charlie's home.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do when I got there. Confront her? Demand to know why she always kept giving me just enough rope to keep me dangling on her leash, without ever actually _promising _me anything? A part of my brain tried to admit that she had never made me any promises, and her message had been innocently sent. That was the man thinking. The animal, the Alpha, was just plain livid.

In the end, desperate to channel the anger somehow, I went leech hunting. Unable to touch the Cullens, I nevertheless followed the trails of the tiny pixie and her mate. They knew I was close by—I made no attempt to hide my presence—but they seemed confident I wouldn't harm them.

That enraged me even further. How dare they hunt so blatantly on the very outskirts of wolf territory? Growling and snarling, I inched closer and closer to them. I knew it would be foolish to start a war by breaching the treaty, but now that I was thinking about it, I saw no reason for the damn treaty to exist in the first place.

_This was **my **territory._

I sensed the change in them when they began to become nervous. Moments later, I also sensed..._something_ creeping towards me. It was like a sedative, or an emotional fog. I remembered Bella telling me about the Cullens' gifts, and that the pixie's mate could affect emotions.

The snarl that ripped out of my throat cut their hunt short and sent them fleeing back to the sanctuary of their crypt.

It wasn't particularly satisfying though, and my tail was firmly between my legs as I headed home.

Out of my peripheral vision, I saw dad glance sidelong at me as we drove across the treaty line and towards the highway. I'd been doing really well. My heart was still in tatters, but my studies of Taha Aki's scriptures were helping enormously. I was inching closer to that deep oasis of calm, and I had the feeling that things were going to start making more sense to me before too long.

I knew dad had been watching me closely as I spent hour after hour absorbed in the wise words of my predecessor. When I began scribbling notes and asking measured questions, I think his heart found peace. Life had kicked me over and again until there was nothing left of the boy I used to be, but the first Alpha was speaking to the new me through words penned long ago.

I met with Old Quil the day after taking over as Alpha and told him I wanted to learn about my heritage. Not just the legends and the scary stories, but the people's history. I wanted to familiarise myself with my forefathers and their customs. I felt compelled to learn of the old ways. Old Quil solemnly promised to supply me with all the old parchments and documents he could lay his hands on, and immediately set about gathering what he could.

That same day, the Makah Chief sent word that he insisted upon meeting with dad. He provided the date and time of the meeting and dad confirmed he would attend. He felt it was good news, that he had been asked for and not the _saqamawit_. I wasn't so sure, and suggested that I should accompany him. Dad agreed readily—he needed transport which I could legitimately provide, plus as the future Chief it was appropriate for me to be undertaking some official visits. The fact that I was now also the _saqamawit_, having taken over the pack responsible for inflicting Emily's scars, might also be useful.

We had just left for the reservation in Neah Bay and I knew dad could plainly see that my mind was elsewhere. I had been absorbed in my own thoughts all morning as we made our final preparations, and I knew dad would think I looked worse than I had for over a week. Even after Bella's visit the day before, which everyone had expected to set me back, I was less bothered than this.

"Tell me, Jacob," dad said eventually.

My left leg jiggled a little as I drove. I weighed up whether—or what—to confide in my dad. It wasn't that I didn't think I could tell him, more that I didn't know if I had the energy to go into it in any great detail. Eventually, I sighed in frustration and blurted it out.

"Bella's postponed her marriage."

I could see he was stunned. "When did this happen?" he asked.

"Sometime after she came to visit yesterday. She sent me a text at three in the damn morning." My leg seemed to have taken on a life of its own as it danced in the foot well of the Rabbit.

"I see." Dad frowned, as uncertain what to make of this news as I was. Everybody—himself, me, Charlie—had been assuming the wedding would take place and Bella would be lost to us all. Only Charlie was in the dark as to how completely lost to him his daughter would be. I knew dad had decided to spare his old friend any pain caused by unanswered questions. In the event that the Cullens simply disappeared and took Bella with them, the tribal Chief himself was going to break the stringent rule of secrecy to tell an outsider the truth. We were both painfully aware of how woefully inadequate learning the truth _after _the event would be, and dad fully anticipated losing his friend forever. It was, however, the best he could do.

We continued in silence for a while. Each of us was absorbed in our own thoughts. I figured dad would be worried over the effect this news may have on my recent progress and focus. I knew he believed I had given up on ever winning over Bella Swan, which was why I had re-directed my focus with such determination on Taha Aki and his teachings. He was wrong, though.

I hadn't given up on Bella. I couldn't understand why—especially since she was hell bent on becoming a bloodsucker in just a few short weeks—but in my heart of hearts, I still believed that we belonged with one another. For now, I was placing all my trust in what my ancestor was telling me, and waiting for the sun to break through the mists.

Bella's visit the day before had been hard. When I was surrounded by her scent, it felt like home. Holding her in my arms had felt so incredibly _right_, and I never wanted to let her go. And yet, my instincts had been screaming at me to keep my distance. I needed to make her see that I had changed and the damage she had done was irreversible. I was beginning to trust in my instincts, and after leaving Bella alone in my garage, I had felt something akin to peace in my heart.

Receiving her text the night before though, threw me straight back into my old habit of clinging to every morsel of _hope _there was left. Hearing her wedding was postponed injected hope into my heart, but also brought thicker mists upon me—mists of confused anger. I couldn't help but wonder if her sudden decision to postpone the wedding had something to do with the distance I had created between us the day before. Did she miss me as much as I missed her? Had she realised how much I'd changed? Did she long for my arms around her the way I yearned to have her in my arms?

Like I said...hope, but mists.

Eventually, lapsing into the indigenous language of our people, dad broke my train of thought to ask me outright.

"Ayásocha?" _How are you?_

"Wáli t'àcha?á. Yapótalli." _I don't know. I'm tired. _

Dad nodded his understanding and we lapsed into silence again. My leg began to jiggle again as I wondered whether I had done the right thing in simply ignoring Bella's message. I didn't want to send her running back to the leech if she thought I didn't care...but then again, what was there to say? Thanks for prolonging the torture?

Miles passed by as each of us pondered the ramifications of this new piece of news. The journey was only a little over sixty miles and not likely to take much more than an hour and a half. We both understood the significance when we left Route 101 and followed the SR 113 into the Olympic National Park. This was where the wolves' normal patrol range ended. As such, it signalled a removal from my natural habitat and tension gathered immediately in my neck and shoulders. Dad must have noticed.

"Ayásocha?" he asked me again.

I gave him a small smile. "I'll be okay about Bella. But there's somethin'..." I looked out the side window and frowned in the direction of the scent that I could barely make out. "I'm just gonna take a detour for a while. We've got time." I turned off the road away from the picturesque Beaver Lake, and followed a smaller route that really did seem to be a road to nowhere. Finally, I pulled the car over and unbuckled my seat belt.

"I won't be long." Exiting the car, I proceeded to remove my shoes and clothes. Tossing them through the open door and onto the driver's seat I had just vacated, I allowed my eager wolf to surface.

The wolf had been given his freedom and he luxuriated in it. The man understood that there was nothing to see or hear; I was relying purely on instinct, now. The animal's instincts were more sharply honed than the human's and therefore I had all but retreated inside my wolf. The headstrong Alpha male was delighted.

Tossing my head, I followed the scent that had first caught my attention. It was a familiar scent. It was something I had been exposed to recently, as recent as a few days ago...on the Quileute reservation. I didn't know what exactly it was, other than some kind of animal.

With instinct driving me, I slowed my pace and made careful progress forward. I was approaching an area where the scent was strong. There was nothing telling me that there was any threat or danger, but something about this unidentified scent that crossed both Quileute and Makah territory was puzzling me enough to justify this venture.

The roar of an enraged grizzly bear sounded straight ahead and I paused, one forepaw raised mid-stride. Antagonising an angry bear was not an intimidating prospect, but the delay it would create could be costly. Something tugged at the fringes of my memory and I whined quietly in my throat. I was unable to access the memory but I balked at the flavour of it.

Seth and Embry were phased and patrolling at home. They had been silently observing as their new leader pounded through unfamiliar territory. The pack were all still slightly in awe of the _power _I radiated—it was in my build, in my movements and in my mind. Hell, I was still a little in awe of it myself. Embry recognised the scent I was following and finally spoke up.

_It was around the res two days ago, Jake...when you stepped up._

_Yeah, I know. Whether it belongs here or closer to us, it's strayed a long way from home. It's probably nothing. _

I distantly heard the rumble of a vehicle approaching the place where I had left dad alone, and turned to head back to my father. Behind me, the bear gave a low growl.

Driving the last stretch of road towards Neah Bay, the road curved sharply and the air was suddenly blown in from the sea. Even with the windows of the Rabbit rolled up, the musky aroma hit me full force. Shock and then realisation hit me, and I pulled over to the side of the road. Dad turned to look at me curiously.

"What do you know about the Makah tribe?" I demanded.

"Anything specific?" he responded drily.

"Shape shifters?" I fired back, watching as his eyes showed comprehension and his jaw unhinged a little. I nodded sharply. "Didn't Sam come up here after imprinting on Emily?" I frowned at the thought that my prior Alpha—and current Beta—had missed such an obvious scent. Concentrated around the area was the unique and unmistakable scent of large numbers of humans who housed animals within. Then again, I realised, my senses were heightened to an almost ridiculous level these days.

"Yes, Sam visited here twice before Emily moved to La Push," dad said weakly. "Are you _sure_?"

"Positive," I replied grimly, putting the car back in gear and pulling on to the road again. "I guess we know why they were so quick to shout un-natural activity at us, huh?"

Dad whistled and shook his head. "So...the Makah tribe also have a wolf pack," he marvelled.

"No," I corrected him. "Not wolves. They have bears."

"_Bears?" _

"Uh-huh. And one of them was on the res the day I took over as Alpha. I picked up the scent of a bear but didn't get that it was a shifter."

We drove in silence for a while as we pondered this new development. The outskirts of the reservation came into view and I glanced over at dad.

"Are we just goin' in as planned?" I didn't know whether this turn of events would change things. Dad going in as Chief of the Quileute people to meet with the Makah Chief was different when everyone was meant to be human.

"What do you think, Jacob?"

I turned my head to look at him. Never before had dad asked my opinion on an official matter. He met my gaze levelly and said nothing more; he just sat there waiting on my answer.

"I think we should go as planned," I said finally. "Apart from anything else, I wanna know how big their pack is."

"Sloth," dad said, apparently randomly.

"What?" I laughed.

"A sloth of bears. A pack of wolves, a sloth of bears. Didn't they teach you anything at school?"

"I guess they forgot about the sloths," I grinned. "So we're goin' in?"

"We're goin' in," dad confirmed grimly.

It didn't take us long to reach our destination. As we drove along the main street, which wasn't that much bigger than the one in La Push, I saw a man who was clearly a shifter. His size and build alone would have given him away, but as we passed him, I rolled down my window and caught his scent clearly. Our eyes locked and recognition passed between us. I frowned as I wondered why the Makah Chief had invited us here when I would so obviously be able to detect a shifter. The truth hit me, just a little too late. I wound my window back up again.

"Uh, dad? I don't think I'm meant to be here. I think it was only supposed to be you that came. That must be why they changed their minds and asked for you instead of the _saqamawit. _We just passed a shifter and I don't think you were invited here to identify their pack...sorry, _sloth _members."

"Too late now," dad said drily. "Besides, do they really think I can't recognise a shifter when I see one? From the way that one looked, I could probably have even guessed he was a bear."

I snorted as I acknowledged the truth of that. A moment later, dad directed me to a street on our left, at the end of which was the Chief's home. The scent around the area was concentrated, and at first I thought the bears must congregate here the way we tended to hang around Emily's. Then, I realised there were only two scents that were here very strongly...and that I recognised one of them.

"So Chief Don has a daughter, right?" I asked in amusement.

"Yes, just the one child, Nita," dad confirmed.

"Nita?" I snorted with laughter and a moment later, dad joined in when he realised what was so entertaining.

"They're not subtle," he agreed. "I take it she's a shifter?"

"The very one that was in La Push and probably tracking us on our way here," I confirmed. "And she's probably one of the two heartbeats I can hear inside that house. I bet she's listening to every word we say right now."

"Let's go have that conversation face to face, then," dad suggested. Nodding my agreement, I climbed out the Rabbit and unfolded dad's wheelchair from the trunk. There was no ramp up to the porch, so I just lifted him up the stairs in his chair and he knocked on the door. It swung open quickly, which seemed to me to be confirmation that the female shifter had given word that we'd arrived.

Chief Don answered the door himself. While clearly not a shifter himself, he was a big man. He stood only a few inches smaller than me, but instead of muscle his bulk comprised of fat. He met us with a wide, welcoming smile which held no indication that he was upset by my presence. Then again, I was sure he had been amply warned that I was accompanying my father.

"Billy!" He shook my dad's hand warmly before turning his attention to me. "And Jacob, I presume?" I took the proffered hand, resisting the urge to squeeze and let him feel some of my power. His hand felt clammy and flabby, which made me want to rub my palm on my jeans when he released it. I resisted that urge, too. "The last time I saw you, you were as tall as my hip." Don chuckled as he indicated his hip level with his hand, then shook his head. "Come in, both of you."

Walking into the home, I scented the air and automatically wrinkled my nose slightly. The scent of the bears wasn't unpleasant, exactly...but concentrated as it was in the confined indoor space, it made my wolf agitated. Being in an enclosed area and breathing in the scent of another animal every time I inhaled, was making him want to surface. I commanded him back down again, pleased at the control I was gaining over him now.

"Make yourselves comfortable," Don was saying as he lumbered across his living room. "My daughter is making coffee in the kitchen and will be out shortly."

We passed pleasantries for a few minutes—or rather, dad and Don did, while I paid close attention to the sounds from the kitchen. There was a steady heartbeat, the click of heels on the floor—they sounded like the sort of heels Alice Cullen wore, not the flat shoes of the girls I knew—and noises that were definitely consistent with refreshments being prepared.

Finally, the kitchen door opened and Nita emerged. The first I saw of her was her rear, as she backed out the door carrying a large tray. My eyebrows shot up as I took in the tight black leather pants that encased her pert ass, and spike heeled black boots. Turning gracefully, I got the front view, which probably made my brows disappear completely under my hairline. Her top was red, tightly fitted, short sleeved and low cut. Her arms had the same sort of muscles as Leah had—powerful without being overdone. Tall for a woman, her shoulder length bobbed hair was glossy and sleek. When she advanced into the room, her movements were fluid and confident. She looked directly into my eyes, her own dancing with mischief, and then turned her back to me to place the tray she carried on the coffee table in the middle of the room. As she bent over, I swore she wiggled that ass at me a little.

_Holy crap!_

I had to consciously re-close my mouth and avert my eyes from the view that was, dammit, right in front of them. Glancing at dad, I could clearly see that he was trying not to laugh as he watched my reaction. I rolled my eyes at him, secretly pleased that my body wasn't behaving the way a normal teenage boy's would...mainly because I suspected that was exactly the reaction Nita wanted me to have. I figured either my wolf's refusal to submit to anyone, or my obsession with Bella Swan, was neutralising the effects of my usually healthy teenage hormones.

Turning to greet me, Nita smiled sweetly and extended her hand.

"You must be Jacob. I'm Nita."

I returned her smile and took her hand, telling her it was nice to meet her. She immediately tightened her grip and I had to bite down a laugh. She was strong. Of course she was—she was a shape shifter. She was probably stronger than Leah, though, and I wondered whether she was the Alpha, being the daughter of the Chief. I tightened my own grip, wondering how much she could withstand. With amusement dancing in her eyes, she retaliated with a stronger grip, which I matched immediately. When we finally dropped our hands and Nita turned her attention to our fathers, I hadn't given her one iota of my full strength, but I suspected she hadn't, either.

I might not have the boner she had been aiming for, but I could tell I was going to like this girl.

The initial pleasantries out the way, Nita served coffee and pastries, and we settled down to business. Dad cut straight to the chase.

"I think we can dispense with the pretences," he said bluntly. Don bowed his head in acquiescence and I saw Nita nod approvingly. "Why am I here?" dad demanded.

Don sighed, slightly theatrically I thought. "Emily Young's first cousin, Honon, has shifted into his bear. He wishes to seek retribution for her injuries."

"Why?" dad fired back at him.

Don spread his arms wide. "Honon is unable to tell his family the truth. He is an honourable young man and he wishes to see some justice done."

"And your opinion?" dad asked. His whole demeanour clearly showed that he thought Don should put the younger man in his place and be done with it. Don shifted uneasily in his seat and Nita suddenly stood.

"Jacob, there is no need for us to listen to this," she announced. "Would you like me to show you around?"

I looked to dad, who nodded briefly. I shrugged, knowing I would learn everything later anyway, and got to my feet. Nita led us out of the cabin and to the end of the street. The road became more of a trail which, judging from the salty air, led to the beach. As we walked, Nita stayed in front of me and despite my body's refusal to respond to her efforts, I nonetheless enjoyed the show she was putting on for me. Her hips swayed sensually, her long legs moved gracefully and her hair swung around, wafting a pleasant coconut smell in my direction.

I grinned as I realised Paul would be frothing at the mouth if—hell, who was I kidding, _when_—I replayed this for him. When Nita suddenly took a turn to her right and left the trail, I simply followed her through the long grass. I trusted that she knew where she was bringing me, and I knew I could defend myself...viciously, if necessary.

We arrived at a clearing of sorts, which looked both man-made and recent. There were several large stones which looked as though they'd been placed there for use as seats. Nita sat on the nearest one, crossing her legs gracefully and indicating that I should sit on the stone next to her. Curious, I complied.

"So, Jacob," she began with the air of someone who was not going to pull any punches. "You're a shifter, but a wolf, not a bear."

I grinned at her. "Your name means bear in both our languages. That wasn't very subtle of your parents, was it?"

She laughed. "I guess not. Not that I figured it out until I shifted for the first time."

"When was that?" I asked, genuinely curious about this girl.

"Almost a year ago."

"Are you Alpha?"

Nita's eyes grew suddenly more serious. "We don't work that way," she said quietly.

I waited for a further explanation. When I realised none was forthcoming, I searched her face. At first, it was impassive; but the mischief returned quickly.

"I'm wondering just how strong you are," she announced. Her eyes travelled my body slowly and it was obvious she was appraising me. I watched as she stared, openly and appreciatively, at my pectoral muscles that were on display through my snugly fitted black T-shirt. Her gaze travelled lower, taking in the tautness of my abdomen and lingering on my crotch. When she raised her eyes to mine again, I saw a _want _in them that she made no effort to disguise.

Despite myself, despite my wolf's refusal to be submissive to anyone other than his chosen mate, despite my all-consuming love for Bella, I found my curiosity piqued. Rejection after rejection from the girl I adored had been the theme of my life since phasing. The girls around La Push and Forks who had openly admired me, sometimes even physically desired me, since my phase, held no interest for me whatsoever. But this girl—this physically powerful female who dressed like a siren and had a confidence to match...She communicated with me in an animalistic way that appealed to both man and inner beast.

I watched, undeterred, as she rose to her feet and moved to stand in front of me. My face was level with her abdomen and I had to crane my neck to look up at her. Far from being annoyed, my wolf seemed to share in my amusement that she seemed to want to dominate us. I stayed very still, allowing her free rein for now, wondering how far she would take this flirtation. It flickered across my mind that a few months ago, I would have been nervous and sweaty in a situation like this; instead, I was calmly confident as I waited for Nita to make her move.

She stared into my eyes for a long time, a challenge in hers that I imagined was matched in my own. Then, in a swift and fluid motion, she swung one leg up and forward so it hooked over mine, and sat herself on my lap. My hands moved automatically to her hips, helping to steady her as she swung her other leg over mine.

"How strong are you, Jacob?" she challenged just before her lips crashed onto mine with a passion that almost, _almost_, knocked the breath from my lungs. Her teeth bit on my bottom lip just a little too hard, then her tongue swept soothingly across the slight sting.

My hands tightened on her hips and I opened my mouth to allow her tongue access. Her fingers twisted into my hair and tugged almost aggressively, eliciting a growl from me. Her answering growl surprised me momentarily, and then we were tumbling off the stone and onto the ground with Nita straddling my body which was now definitely starting to become intrigued. Her lips moved from my mouth to my neck and I wondered how far she wanted to take this challenge.

I was quite prepared to simply enjoy it.

**A/N: Soooo, what do you think of Nita? I'll update as soon as I can but in all honesty, it might be at least a week again. There's just too much going on in RL to fit in any quality writing time just now...**


	10. Chapter 9 Sunlight Through the Mists

**A/N: So, I've been trying to avoid my usual overly long monologues that have little to do with the content of my stories, but I do need to address the meltdowns that have been going on with the reviews. Jacob is outraged.**

**First—the assumption that his first kiss with a girl/bear inevitably leads to sex? I guess he's still in Kansas, Toto.**

**Second—the low expectations of the writer's plotlines have disappointed him. Actually, they've disappointed me too and I feel kinda sulky. **

**But third—to those of you who have been with me for a while and guessed, or partially guessed, where I'm going...thank you, and I love you for that.**

Nita had me locked in a passionate embrace and I was enjoying the hell out of it. She was straddling me, her hands holding mine above my head, while she kissed and bit at my lips, jaw, neck...anywhere she could reach from the position she was in. My body had finally given her exactly the reaction she wanted, but despite the bulge in my jeans that I knew she could feel, I had no intention of allowing this to go much further.

I wanted Bella, not this impressive she-bear. Moreover, my _wolf_ wanted Bella, and nobody else was going to satisfy him.

Still...Nita wasn't being gentle with me, and it was exciting in a way. She brought her mouth back to mine and we made out fiercely for a while. This was a whole new experience for me and I saw no reason to stop it. Tongues, even teeth, clashed as we roughly took what we wanted from each other's mouths. Deciding I wanted my hands back, I freed one easily from her grasp. She actually growled at me, and attempted to pin my hand back down again. At the same time, she moved her head and bit down hard on my neck.

There was no fuckin' way my wolf was having that. Our embrace suddenly didn't feel so friendly anymore, and a threatening growl rumbled in my chest. I flipped us both over easily so that I was lying on top of Nita, pinning her to the ground. I saw her eyes widen in surprise and felt smug that she had apparently been using most of her strength to keep me down, unaware that I was just allowing her to do so.

My body was still aroused and the evidence was pressing into her thigh, but after having been bitten in the neck, my wolf wasn't in the mood for fooling around any longer.

"Why were you on my lands?" I demanded harshly.

"Recon," she answered promptly. I saw real alarm in her eyes now that she knew exactly how strong I was, and I felt a twinge of guilt. I had been having a good time, after all. I sat up and extended a hand to pull her into a sitting position. She stared at me for a moment before taking my hand. She looked like the wind had just been knocked out her sails.

"Stronger than you thought, huh?" I asked, still feeling a little smug. "So what exactly were you on a recon mission for?"

Nita seemed to rally a little and raised one eyebrow at me. "Down to business now?"

I felt bad again. It was probably wrong to get so physically carried away when my heart wasn't in it, but the fact was that this bold girl's desire for me had been a welcome change from the continuous rejections I was accustomed to.

"I'm sorry, Nita," I said, genuinely meaning it. "I shouldn't have let that happen. I mean, I enjoyed it and everything, but...there's someone else." I wasn't going to go into details about that someone else, but I figured it was the easiest way to let her know I wasn't available.

"Yeah, for me too," she announced candidly. "I'm getting married in a few months."

That finally brought me up short. What was with me and girls who were engaged to other men? My mouth must have fallen open because Nita smirked slightly, reached out one finger and pushed up on my chin. I snapped my jaw shut, slightly confused by her but finding again that I _liked _her brashness. My mind began to turn, and I remembered the second bear scent that was concentrated around the Chief's home.

"He's a shifter?" I guessed. She smiled at me.

"Yes. My dad's choice for continuing the gene pool."

I gaped at her. "Your _dad's _choice?"

Nita inclined her head. "He's not dreadful," she laughed. "And to be fair, we would probably have ended up together anyway. But I still have a few months to enjoy myself," she added, with a slight wink at me. I barked out a laugh and shook my head at her.

"Not with me," I told her firmly, springing to my feet. "If you wanna mess with other men, better not make it the Alpha of a rival pack."

"Like he could hurt you," she said, amused.

"Is that why you wanted to know how strong I am?" I asked in disbelief, but Nita laughed openly at me.

"No, I wanted to know that for _me_. I like your strength." She looked me over appraisingly again and I frowned at her.

"You're not acting like a girl who's getting married soon." _Neither does Bella._ The thought hit me hard and I remembered again the text message she had sent. Anger and confusion flared through me once more and I turned away from Nita. "Let's go back and see how our dads are getting on."

Nita fell into step behind me as I ploughed back through the long grass. A memory, something about walking through long grass, tugged at me and I sighed with frustration. These feelings of _déjà vu _were getting annoying. That was two already today—first, the sense that the bear was going to cause someone I cared about harm; and now, the feeling that I had walked through this grass before.

"Are you alright?" The question came quietly from behind me and I turned my head to look over my shoulder at Nita. I was about to answer her when she continued. "You seem confused about something; angry, too."

I stopped in my tracks and turned back to look at her again. How the hell did this girl know how I was feeling? I was pretty good at hiding my emotions from everyone these days, and Nita scarcely knew me. She met my gaze straight on.

"I'm a shifter," she said with the air of someone stating the obvious. "And a female one at that." I frowned in confusion and she pulled an impatient face. "You can smell someone's fear, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Can you sense any other emotion?"

I thought about it. "Since becoming Alpha, I guess a little. I sensed dad's anxiety last night, and when someone's happy I kinda feel that, too." _And I can sense that I make Bella nervous._

"Do you have any females in your pack?" I narrowed my eyes at her and she sighed. "Seriously? You're not going to discuss your pack with me?"

"It exists," I fired back, smiling a little at her to soften the fact that I was not going to share. I didn't know yet whether comparing shifting notes with Nita would be a good idea. One of her kind wanted to seek retribution from us, after all. I knew she had been in La Push gathering information about my pack, and I still didn't know exactly what that information was.

"Fine." She huffed a little impatiently and then grinned. "You can't have, otherwise you'd know what I'm talking about!" she crowed triumphantly. "Female shifters are more attuned to emotions. I can sense what someone is feeling from a long way off. You, for example, are angry and confused, and for all you tell me there's someone else in your life..." She stepped forwards until her body was almost touching mine and looked me straight in the eye. "Your heart is completely broken," she whispered. Placing one hand on my chest, she stepped around me. As she moved, her hand trailed around my ribs and slowly down my back.

When I turned around again, she was already several strides ahead. I stood rooted to the spot, stunned. Thoughts of Leah sprang into my mind and I shook my head at the mere idea of her being sensitive to other people's feelings. I began to follow Nita; but after a few steps, I stopped in my tracks again as something struck me. Perhaps Leah _was _in tune with other people's emotions. Perhaps that was why her bitterness towards Sam ran as deeply as it did. I tried to remember ever having seen anything in her mind that would indicate she could sense what we were feeling, but had to acknowledge that it had never occurred to me to look for it. That was something I needed to know, as Alpha, I decided.

Jogging back along the trail, I caught up with Nita easily. I knew the instant she sensed me behind her by the sway she suddenly put into her hips. Despite myself, I chuckled at her obviousness and she threw a grin over her shoulder at me.

"I meant it, Jacob," she said casually. "I have a few months of freedom left, and you need some light relief. Think about it."

"What exactly are you suggesting?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. I didn't just _like_ Nita, I was intrigued by her, and I saw no harm in finding out what she was proposing.

She turned to face me, effectively halting my progress along the track. "I'm suggesting that we both know the score. I'm getting married, and you're hung up on someone else. I'm attracted to you, and you're curious about me. No strings, no consequences, just two people who are still free to explore their options." I stared down at her, a little shocked that she was meeting my eyes so brazenly. I wasn't sure I understood where I fitted in to the bigger picture.

"Are you seriously telling me that your fiancé wouldn't have a problem with you coming home reeking of the Alpha of a wolf pack?" I asked sarcastically.

Nita answered by closing the distance between our bodies. Her breasts were pressed up against my upper ribs and her eyes were very serious when she replied.

"Wolves mate for life, right?"

I frowned, a little confused, and nodded in agreement. Nita reached up behind my neck with both hands and pulled my face down towards her. I let her do it.

"Bears don't," she whispered against my mouth before kissing me forcefully again.

I easily unclasped her hands from my neck and wrapped my fists around her wrists, pushing her away.

"So what are you telling me? Your marriage will last as long as mating season?" I cocked my brow at her; I wasn't buying it.

Nita sighed. "No, our marriage—which hasn't occurred yet—will last as long as any other marriage. Hopefully, that will be a lifetime. But our marriage is for companionship and breeding. Bears aren't possessive about their mates, Jacob. Mating is mating, and before my wedding, I'm free to be with whoever I please."

I looked at her long and hard. "You can sense emotions, right? So you know what I'm feeling right now?"

She grinned up at me. "Mad."

"It's not funny, Nita. Seriously. It's not a good idea to make me upset."

"Why are you upset? It's a good offer. No strings, just fun."

I was still holding onto her wrists and I tightened my grip just enough to make her wince slightly. I would probably have broken Bella's wrists if I'd ever done this to her.

"I do _not _share my mate," I growled at Nita. My rage spiked further as soon as the words were out of my mouth because I had no _idea _what Bella had already done with the bloodsucker. I was fairly sure sexual intimacy was out of the question, but in my darkest moments, I had wondered. My wolf came roaring to the surface and I flung Nita away from me as I let go of her wrists. Squeezing my eyes shut, I doubled over and placed my hands on my knees, allowing the now familiar mantra to wash over me.

_Be still until the sunlight pours through and dispels the mists._

It came easier each time, now—the calmness that seeped through the cracks of my troubled soul and balmed my wounds. The wolf receded and I raised my head almost shamefully to meet Nita's wide eyed stare.

"My God," she breathed. "You're truly magnificent!"

I watched her warily. That wasn't the reaction I had expected. Fear over the power of my inner animal, anger that I had all but thrown her away from me, perhaps even hurt from my rejection...They all seemed like normal reactions, but the open awe with which she was staring at me felt misguided.

"Believe me, Jacob, you're incredible," she said in a low voice. I realised she must have felt my doubt. "The beast...he's strong, he's _Alpha_ in every sense. But you—the man—you're stronger. That's impressive." Her lips turned up in a slightly wicked smile. "We don't have to mate, you know. _Anything _will be fine." Her hand trailed across my stomach, making the muscles under my skin quiver from the lightness of her touch...and then, she turned her back to me and sashayed her way along the trail again.

Amused, confused, and more than a little intrigued, I followed Nita back towards her father's home. As I watched her ass sway sensually in front of me and admired the confidence with which she carried herself, I became aware of a new sensation that had arisen within me. This she-bear who could handle my Alpha temper and attitude, and still find me magnificent, had awakened in me a sense of _worth_ that I didn't think I'd ever felt before.

I wasn't just an animal. I wasn't a monster, deviant and unnatural. I was a man with the blood of a formidable leader running thickly in my veins. I realised that ever since phasing, I had allowed myself to believe I was somehow worth less than a "normal" human being. Perhaps, that wasn't quite the case. Perhaps, having been born to lead and Protect—as I now believed was my destiny—made me...special, somehow.

My natural humility, ingrained into me by my parents since I was a young child and reinforced time and again by the knocks that life had dealt me, made me balk at that notion. What was so special about a poor boy from an Indian reservation who morphed into a giant dog?

The answering voice in my head was my own, but it spoke with a convincing authority that was new to me.

_I am the Alpha of the Quileute wolf pack. I Protect lives and will lead my wolves and my people. Life has brought me down so that I can rise up from the ashes and lead without conceit, but with compassion and understanding. _

And right there, in that moment, when I stopped dead in my tracks and Nita turned to look at me curiously, the first ray of sun pierced the mists of my life. _This _was the bigger picture. I had to fall as low in the dirt as it was possible to go, because I needed to go forward with humility in my heart. There was no place in my future for arrogance or vanity. A leader was needed who could guide with love and compassion.

Who better to do that than the boy who loved so freely, gave so willingly, and nurtured so steadfastly?

Nita's voice reached me and I looked up at her, slightly dazed. She was smiling beatifically, and she turned to go. My brain caught up and I realised she had said she would give me a few minutes alone, and was going back to her father's home. I watched her walk away and then sank to my knees on the ground. Relief and something like what I remembered happiness to be like swept through my soul.

I hadn't been wrong. Taha Aki's writings truly had guided me. All I had to do for now was wait and be still. Eventually, the sunlight would pour through and dispel the mists, and my path would become clear. I could take the first steps along that path, now. I knew the leader I was meant to become. I didn't have to hide what was in my heart, or run from the pain and anger Bella roused within me. Instead, I could channel it all and use it to my advantage along the road that lay ahead for me.

Now, all I needed to do was wait for the next ray of sun to appear.


	11. Chapter 10 The Alpha Speaks

**Well it seems that I'm incapable of writing a fic without rambling A/Ns cropping up at some point, but as this one is for a good cause, here goes...**

**Over on JBNP (link on my profile), there's an amazing initiative going on to give back to the people of La Push. Yes, the real Quileutes, and particularly the children. As many of you know, I started writing earlier this year in an attempt to prevent the post-natal depression I'd had after my other three babies. Whether it was writing in itself, the more-or-less unfailing support of readers, or a combination of both, I avoided its ugly head altogether. I have no proof that pack fanfiction prevented me from becoming depressed, but in my mind, the link is very direct.**

**I know from all the PMs and emails you've sent me that many of you have similar stories. One of the things I enjoy the most about the whole process of writing is the fact that so many people who read my stories, get in touch with me personally. Some of your real life stories have been awe inspiring, and as I've said many times before, it humbles me every time someone tells me that reading something I write makes their day even just a little more bearable. I know for a fact that other writers feel the same way. Some of us only post our work in a sometimes brutal public domain, because we know there are readers who look forward to updates in an otherwise thankless life.**

**Are there any of us whose life hasn't been directly affected by the Quileute tribe? I don't think there will be more than a handful of us who can say that they haven't brought us some form of peace in our lives...and if that's the case, shouldn't we give something back to them?**

**There are a whole lot of initiatives going on over on JBNP, like I said above. One of them is to make a compilation of children's stories which will be printed, bound, and given to the Quileute children. An amazing idea, and one I fervently support...even though my own attempt at writing for it just about killed me! Children's fic is definitely my Achilles heel. So here's my request...head on over, have a look and see what you can support. And if anyone would like to write something that will be handed over to the children of La Push...here is your perfect opportunity.**

* * *

"What?"

Dad had been smirking in a really annoying way since leaving Neah Bay. Of course, I knew why—I had walked in to Chief Don's house dishevelled and filthy, mere minutes after Nita had entered looking much the same. It didn't take the two older men long to figure it out. Dad had insisted on a fairly hasty exit, but I didn't think it had anything to do with me. Truth be told, I was too dazed after my revelation about my destiny to pay much attention. It seemed he had something he wanted to discuss with me, but was waiting until we were out of earshot of anyone with supernatural hearing before he began. I turned the car off the main street and headed towards the highway, glancing over at him as I did so.

"_What?_" he echoed my question incredulously. "What happened there? Some kind of how compatible are wolves with bears experiment?!"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Nope. Just...fun."

I saw in my peripheral vision that he turned his head to stare at me. I ignored him and kept focussed on the road ahead. "Fun," he repeated weakly. I laughed outright.

"I used to have fun. That stuff I used to have. It's been a while since I had any. Nita suggested it and I liked the idea." I shrugged like it was no big deal—like it hadn't been the most erotic experience of my life so far, which had led to one hell of an epiphany.

"She's a Chief's daughter, Jacob."

"And I'm a Chief's son. So what?"

"You don't mess around with a Chief's daughter," he said severely. Like he had ever intervened with Rachel or Rebecca's love lives. I rolled my eyes again but he wasn't finished. "Is it serious?" He sounded worried.

"Dad, she's getting married to someone else soon. No, it isn't serious. Her exact words were, _bears don't mate for life, and she's free to mate with whoever she likes until after her wedding_."

"Mate?" Dad sounded horrified and I couldn't help but laugh again.

"We didn't, okay? I couldn't even if I wanted to." I frowned when I realised what that sounded like. "I mean...I _could_. I just...wouldn't want to." Dad waved his hand and I cleared my throat, having embarrassed us both. I sighed. "Bella," I admitted finally.

"As long as you know what you're doing, Jacob," he said severely. "I mean, are the bears in any way friendly towards the wolves? One wants to seek retribution for his family, remember...apparently." He spoke the last word under his breath, frowning.

I turned to look at him. "Apparently?"

He shook his head at me. "Answer the question. Are they a threat, or allies?"

"I...don't think either, really." I frowned as it occurred to me that I hadn't actually found anything out. "Nita hinted just before we left that there's a problem in the sloth. She wants to come to La Push to find out if we can help them."

"Please tell me you didn't just make out and ignore the whole issue of Honon and Emily?" dad groaned. I made a sheepish face at him.

"Uh...that's pretty much what we did," I admitted.

"Teenagers!" dad muttered. I began to feel a little ashamed of myself, but his next words made me laugh. "She's one hell of a girl."

"That she is," I agreed, still chuckling. "I can't wait to see what she does to Paul." Dad laughed with me for a moment before sobering.

"Are we out of range?" He pointed to his ear and I shrugged.

"We would be out the wolves' range. I've never heard of bears having great hearing."

"I don't buy the story about Honon seeking retribution for his family. It makes no sense to me. These are shifters; they know the risks. Do they imprint?"

"I—uh..." I cringed slightly as I realised how remiss I had been in my duties.

"You were too busy making out," dad finished for me, his tone slightly sarcastic.

"Pretty much," I admitted.

Dad sighed. "When is Nita coming to visit?"

"Day after tomorrow. She didn't want to wait too long. I got the impression things are pretty bad for them right now."

"Do we need to go over the kinds of things you want to find out from her?"

"I got it, dad!" My voice was harsher than I intended and I knew that was unfair. The fact was that I had gotten carried away with the whole business of being desired by a beautiful girl, and I was starting to wonder how badly I had neglected my duties. Dad and I drove a little further in silence, before something he had said registered with me properly. "So what _do _you think Honon wants?" I asked.

"I don't think _Honon _wants anything," he replied. "He wasn't there, but my suspicion is that he's young—probably too young to be involved in this. I think his family relationship with Emily is just convenient. What I have no idea is, what do they really want, and why?"

"Chief Don's behind this?" I checked.

"That would be my guess. Who else? Is Nita the Alpha? Would it be her call?"

I pulled a face at him and he rolled his eyes. _Too busy making out._

We stopped at a quiet roadside diner for an evening meal. Of course, we couldn't afford to feed my wolf so I had to settle for a burger and fries until we got home. Dad gave me his leftovers to help reduce the audible growling of my stomach. While we ate, we talked quietly about what the Makah tribe could possibly want.

Dad was of the opinion that the bears thought the wolves were some kind of a threat. He felt that the whole matter of Honon wanting retribution for Emily's scars was a smoke screen, and the real issue ran deeper than that.

As for me, I was a bit out of it. I wanted time alone with my own thoughts, to work out what to do with this new knowledge I had of my destiny. There was a part of me that was also feeling increasingly foolish. I had been presented with an opportunity to find out details of this other tribe with the shifting gene, but instead, I had allowed my hormones to dictate my actions. I was shocked when dad corrected me.

"You're sixteen years old, son. You've been to hell and back. Like you said yourself, when was the last time you got to act like a teenager? I'm not judging you, and your pack won't either."

"Still shouldn't have happened, dad," I muttered into my coke. I was torn. Nita was a whole new experience for me. She was a match for my wolf, and she had the confidence to show me how much she admired me. On the other hand, she represented the shifters who wanted to seek some kind of revenge on my pack, and I had failed to make the most of the opportunity to find out more about them.

I knew my instincts as Alpha would win over any further dalliance with the she-bear...but I would have been lying if I tried to claim there was _nothing _intriguing me about Nita.

As dad and I talked and ate, afternoon gave way to evening. The moon rose and darkness fell. I was immune to the chill of the evening air, but dad was not. When he was settled in the car with his chair stowed in the trunk, I cranked the heating up and drove us home. He was tired after the trip, and would need to go straight to bed when we arrived back in La Push.

Pulling up outside our home, Bella's scent hit me before I even opened the car door. I tensed up for a moment, and dad looked at me questioningly.

"Bella," I said through clenched teeth. Dad instantly looked worried and I reassured him. "She's gone already." What I didn't know, was why she had come in the first place. I'd told her I would be away for a couple of days, and I had ignored the text she sent. She couldn't know that my trip had been shorter than planned for.

Getting out of the Rabbit, I paused for a moment, confused. I wasn't convinced that Bella had gone home to Forks. Her truck wasn't here, and when I looked around, I saw no sign of fresh tyre tracks. How had she got here? And where was she now? Turning my attention back to dad, I wasn't surprised to hear a slightly baleful howl in the forest. Bella was somewhere nearby, and Quil wanted to fill me in.

"Do you need to go?" dad asked, as I lifted him into his chair.

"Not urgently, I'll get you settled first," I replied stubbornly. My days of running after Bella Swan were over. I wanted some time alone that evening to work out my own thoughts. I knew that if I allowed Bella to mist over my mind again, I would lose the sense of clarity about my future that I'd gained earlier.

Still, by the time dad was in bed and I was satisfied he didn't need anything else, Quil had howled three more times and I was impatient to find out what was going on. I knew if there was anything wrong, my summons would be more urgent, but anxiety nagged at me anyway. I jogged out to the tree line and shifted, letting Quil and Seth know I had joined them.

_What's going on?_

**Quil – **_Bella's been hanging out for a couple of hours. She's been wandering around a bit. She looks a bit like she did when Cullen left her before._

Something tugged at my memory again and I growled a little in frustration at these feelings of _déjà vu _that had been haunting me lately.

_Where is she?_

**Quil – **_First Beach. She must be fuckin' freezin'. She's been sitting there on the sand for the past half hour. We've been keeping an eye on her but it looks like she's waitin' for you._

I phased out so I could be alone with my thoughts for a moment. As I picked up my T-shirt to put it back on, I noticed for the first time that there was a rip in the fabric near my shoulder that smelled of Nita. I fingered the torn fabric for a moment, guessing that she must have put her nails through it. I vaguely remembered a sting on my skin at some point while we were making out, but if she had scratched me, it would have long since healed. Glancing down at my shoulder, I was shocked to see a superficial, but very much _there_, mark on my flesh. It corresponded to three fingernails digging into the skin and scratching downwards slightly. Rubbing my fingers over it, I felt a mild sting around the wound, and frowned. This scratch should have healed more or less instantly.

Pulling my T-shirt over my head, I set off at a jog towards First Beach, adding the mysterious scratch to my growing list of things to think about later. As I jogged, I tried to decide whether I would go to Bella or not. Part of me was still mad at her for sending me such a thoughtless text; another part was worried about why she was here, when she knew I would be away from home. I figured the best course of action was to just see her—I would be able to tell from a distance how bad it was.

Jogging down the path onto the beach, I saw her almost instantly. I understood immediately what Quil had meant when he said she looked like she did after the Cullens left. She was sitting on the sand perhaps a quarter of a mile along the beach, with her legs tucked under her and her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. Her long hair was being whipped around her face by the sea wind, so I couldn't see her expression.

I didn't have to. I knew how she would look—dead, haunted eyes that were devoid of most of the vital signs of life; expressionless features, which were almost as white as the leeches she loved. Again, _déjà vu _tugged at the fringes of my memory and I clenched my fists in frustration. Bella, on the beach, clutching at her chest...I had seen this before, and not in the days when Edward had left her. This was something else, a premonition coming true, or a dream I'd had...

The memory almost came to me, then slipped away as I tried to grasp at it. I growled, low and deep in my chest. The feeling of clarity I had gained about my destiny was beginning to slip away from me. I knew I had to get out of here before I lost it completely. I needed to hold onto it, to analyse it, to work out what I had learned.

I turned my back on the girl I would climb to the heavens for. Just as I was about to walk away, I heard her whisper one word through a broken sob. Over the lapping of the waves and the whistle of the wind, it was only my enhanced Alpha hearing that allowed me to hear it. It reached my ears like a whisper from the Spirits.

"Jake."

That made me turn back towards her again, and as I did so, she turned her head to lean it on her knees, allowing me to see her face for the first time. My Alpha's eyes trained on her cheeks first, an instinctive habit that had formed after phasing...checking they were still flushed, even just a little, although I could hear her heartbeat loud and clear. Zeroing in on them now, I saw dried tear tracks being washed away by the drizzling rain that had just begun to fall. I moved my eyes over her features, examining her as I tried to work out what she was doing here. Her lips were blue and trembling, her eyes squeezed shut. As I watched, one large tear formed at the corner of her eye and trickled down her cheek. At the same time, her lips formed my name once more, but silently this time.

I hesitated only for a moment. She was absolutely frozen, and I knew she was stubborn enough to wait out all night if she had made up her mind to see me. It wasn't that long ago I had saved her from taking sick by holding her throughout the night in the cramped tent on the mountainside. I couldn't leave her to get sick here, now.

I strode along the sand and hunkered down in front of her, never taking my eyes off her. She was shaking and rocking slightly, mouthing my name over and over again. She seemed to be oblivious to my presence and, not wanting to frighten her, I whispered her name quietly. Her eyes flew open, widening with shock when she saw me there.

"Jake!" She made as though to throw her arms around my neck, but I moved quickly. Standing up, I pulled her into an upright position and held onto her elbows until she was steady on her feet. Her hands fell to her sides, instead of clutching at her chest.

"You need to go home, Bella," I told her. I saw her eyes widen with shock again. I knew only too well where the _déjà vu _originated from this time. This was like a re-enactment of her first visit after I phased. "You're freezing, and you're going to get sick. Where's your truck anyway?" I hadn't seen any sign of it at all.

"It's at home. When I switched it on earlier, the engine was making a funny sound. Charlie drove me here."

I nearly growled at her. I didn't know what the deal was with the truck—there was no _way _it should be making funny noises—and now I would need to bring her home myself. I didn't need this right now. I wanted time away from Bella, away from _everyone_, to figure out everything that had happened on the Makah reservation. Instead, I was going to have to spend time alone with the one person who had the power to raise me to the skies, crash me back to the ground again, and cloud over all my judgement.

"I'll drive you," I told her, steering her towards the path leading back off the beach. "Is Charlie at home?"

"He's working the late shift," she replied dully. I looked down at her, seeing her arm wrapped around her chest again. I didn't want to leave her alone like this. I figured something must have happened with Cullen to make her seek me out. "Why did you come today, Bella? I told you I'd be away."

"You're here though," she pointed out, her mouth forming what may have been intended as a smile.

"Yeah, dad decided we'd outstayed our welcome a little. Why _did _you come?"

"I just wanted to feel close to you," she muttered. She was looking at her feet as she walked, and I had to work hard to resist the urge to put my arm around her. I could hold her together if she would only let me...but she had to realise that she _should _let me, first.

She offered no further explanation, and we walked together in silence for a while. As always when I was with Bella, I paid attention. She was absolutely, utterly miserable. I could smell the salt of her tears mingled with the fabric of her jacket; she must have been crying a lot earlier in the day, for it to have soaked into the material like that. I knew most of the tears had fallen earlier, because her eyes weren't very red or swollen. Her arm clutched her chest, and her shoulders hunched forward.

"Has he left again?" I asked eventually. I tried my hardest to keep my tone neutral, but a bitterness was creeping into my heart. Bella coming to me to fix her may not be an option this time. The Alpha was roaring at the prospect of being used to fix up a leech's messes. I didn't think I would be able to do what I had done before...not now. Not as a friend.

"Edward?" Bella sounded surprised as she glanced up at me. "No." Comprehension seemed to dawn on her and she turned her face to look at me earnestly. "It was _me _that postponed the wedding, Jake—not him."

"That wasn't what I meant," I told her, a little more harshly than I had intended. I gestured towards her arm. "You used to do that when he was gone."

"Oh." She looked down at her arm and dropped it slowly. "It's not...It was you. I—can tell things are different between us. I came here because I wanted to feel close to you again."

"Why?" I was pushing her, but I wanted her to question her own heart.

"I miss you," she mumbled.

A surge of confused emotions almost knocked me off my feet. I was angry—angry with Bella for refusing to see what was so damn obvious to me. I was frustrated—frustrated over her inability to acknowledge her own feelings. I was sorry—sorry for Bella, and longing to comfort her..._if only she would let me._ I was happy—happy that she at least admitted to missing me, to wanting to be close to me.

But that was just the same as she had admitted so many times before. I needed more than that from her.

The Alpha needed more than that from her.

Swallowing hard in an attempt to rein in my turbulent emotions, I looked down at her. "You chose this path, Bella. You knew that choosing him would put a distance between us. You can't have it both ways."

"But I don't care who's a wolf and who's a vampire, Jake! I've _told _you I'm Switzerland!"

I rounded on her, stopping both of us in our tracks and causing her to look up at me in surprise. "_You _might be Switzerland, Bella, but _I'm not! _I'm a wolf, and you're choosing to marry my enemy. You're choosing to _become _my enemy. What do you expect to happen then? That I'll turn a blind eye because you were once my best friend?" I sighed, raking my hand through my hair. "There's something you need to know...I'm Alpha, now." Her eyes, always my window to her soul, showed her shock and then dawning comprehension as she pieced together what was different about me. I let it sink in for a moment before continuing. "Sam tolerated the Cullens on our lands, Bella, but I don't think I can. The treaty is clear. If one of them bites—_bites, Bella_—a human, we are free to destroy the entire coven. And I'm not even sure that damn treaty should still exist in the first place," I finished.

Bella gasped in shock. "Jake, you can't! You can't just go in there and _kill _them all!"

"Oh don't worry...I'm not going to do anything rash. I have a lot I need to work out in my own mind before making any big decisions. But my point is that it doesn't matter what kind of friendship we've had, Bella. If you become one of them...I will be duty bound to destroy you." _Even if it will kill me to do it. _"So if you're looking for a reason why things have changed between us...that's it right there. It's all in your power, Bella."

Unable to stand there looking into her beseeching eyes any longer, I turned and walked away from her.

**Bella's POV**

I stood on the sand with the freezing wind whipping around me, and watched my sun walk away from me. My whole body was shivering...but not just from the icy cold. Jacob's words had struck horror into my heart.

_He was Alpha now._

That was the difference I had seen in his garage the day before. Now that I knew, it seemed obvious. Authority exuded from him; power emanated from him; and somewhat frighteningly, his words carried a conviction I had never heard from him before.

My body felt leaden suddenly. The truth penetrated my mind, wobbled slightly under my instinctive denial, and then settled. Choosing Edward meant certain death...and the certain loss of everyone I had ever loved. Not only that, but the one person who brought sun and laughter into my miserable existence, would be the very one to destroy me as soon as my forever began.

Bending over at the waist, the limited contents of my stomach suddenly purged from my body. When that was done, I heaved for a little longer before sinking to my knees on the sand. I felt a gentle hand under my elbow guide me to my feet, and looked up through teary eyes to see Jacob's face right in front of mine.

"You need to get home, Bella," he told me quietly. His voice was gentle, but it wasn't lost on me that there was no hug, no _Bells honey_, not even a warm hand engulfing mine. Instead, he steered me forwards again with his hand under my elbow. "Let's get going."

We walked in silence towards his cabin, my mind spinning under the enormity of what Jacob had just forced me to understand. By the dark look on his face, Jacob's mind was on the inevitability of what he would do once I was turned.

There was no hot hand checking my seat belt was properly buckled, although I did see him look at it. There was no cheery _one-oh-eight point nine over here, Bells _as I sat in the passenger seat, huddled and shivering. There was no incessant chattering as we drove towards Forks to take my mind off my troubles.

Instead, Jacob kept his eyes trained on the road ahead and both hands on the steering wheel. There was no conversation between us, the silence stretching interminably as the highway passed by.

Pulling up at last outside Charlie's house, I turned to look at the boy—the _man_—who had saved me from myself once before, and had now rocked the foundations of my life.

"What can I do to get _us _back to where we were, Jake?" My voice came out in a miserable whisper.

His head turned slowly towards me. The fire I had noticed in his garage was burning in them fiercely. "You don't get it, Bella," he told me evenly. "We won't _ever _be back where we were before. Like I said on the beach, it's all up to you. Either you choose to become one of them, or you choose to live a human life. One way you live, the other way, you die. It seems kinda like an easy choice to me." He smiled slightly at that, but the ember glowing behind his irises burned ever more brightly at my next question.

"But if I choose to stay human...we can be friends again?"

"No, Bella. I won't just be your friend. _I can't. _If you choose to stay human, you need to do it for yourself—because if you come back to me...I want all of you. I won't accept anything less. I don't even wish I could any more. This is just the way it is."

"Ja—!" My shocked whisper died on my lips. I could see the truth in his expression, and hear it in his voice.

The Alpha had spoken.

**A/N: Did I mention JBNP and the Quileute children? :-p**


	12. Chapter 11 Alice Sees

I woke the next morning with a pounding head and a raw throat—the aftermath of my ill advised trip to La Push. Lying on my back, staring up at a crack in the ceiling above me, I replayed for the fiftieth time everything Jacob had said the day before. Every word, every look, every nuance of his expression, had been dragged from my memory and examined.

I didn't need to question whether Jacob meant what he said. His conviction, the authority with which he spoke, and the steely expression in his eyes answered that unequivocally.

The truth was still as straightforward in the morning as it had been the night before: if I became a vampire to spend my eternity with Edward, Jacob would destroy me.

Of course, we could leave. It would be as simple as me explaining to my future family what the status quo was, and with their resources we could travel further away than Jacob would ever be able to follow us. We would stay away from Forks until Jacob Black and all his pack had passed away, and we would be safe.

Except...that thought filled me with a fear and a horror the likes of which I had never felt before. Even the abject terror the Volturi had struck in my heart in Italy was in no way comparable with this. Jacob, living a life that I was no part of, felt wrong in every conceivable way. Leaving Forks so soon and never returning until all the people I cared about were gone, made my heart rate accelerate and my breathing hitch.

The future I had been so certain of—an eternity with Edward by my side, and a large, loving family—suddenly felt daunting. No...it felt terrifying. What if it was a mistake? What if I changed, and then realised I was in love with Jacob all along?

No...I was lying to myself. I _was _in love with Jacob. That was done. In the months that Edward had been absent and Jake became my sun, he had filled a void in my heart. I was only just beginning to realise how large a void that had been. Or, perhaps, the original void had been small, but my love for him had grown.

Either way, my feelings for Jacob ran more deeply than I had ever allowed myself to appreciate. What I didn't know was...who did I love more? Edward? Or Jacob?

My musings were interrupted by Charlie, who rapped on the door before popping his head around it.

"I'm going back down to the station, Bells. Lee's called in sick and I need to cover his shift." He frowned at me. "You okay? You look a bit rough."

"I think I caught a cold yesterday," I admitted.

"Do you want some Tylenol before I go?"

"It's not that bad. I'll get some later if I need it," I assured him. He leaned against the door frame, appraising me.

"Did you see Jake yesterday?"

"Yes." My voice was quiet.

Charlie watched me for a moment before gesturing with his hand for me to continue. "And?"

"And what, dad? He gave me an ultimatum, okay? He doesn't just want to be friends anymore. If I choose him, it has to be...more than friends."

Charlie thought that over for a moment. I was expecting him to be a little indignant on my behalf, but in the end his smile was amused. "That kid adores you, Bells. You might want to listen to him, you know. He's good for you."

"He's hardly a _kid _anymore," I responded feebly.

"True. That might just make him even better for you though."

I gaped after him. I knew dad was Team Jacob, but that was when he saw him as a kid he was fond of who had a crush on his daughter. This was so much more than that. This was Jacob, the Alpha male, insisting on me choosing between all or nothing. Charlie may not have known about the wolf pack, but I was fairly sure he would agree with the Alpha male part anyway.

I stayed in bed a little longer before deciding Tylenol might be a good idea after all. I winced as I stood up, my head pounding harder in objection to being vertical. I walked gingerly to the bathroom, located the pills in the medicine cabinet, and took two with a glass of water before crawling back to bed.

My cell beeped with an incoming text while I waited for the meds to take effect. Reaching out to my nightstand, absurdly hoping—while knowing it was vain to do so—that it was Jacob, I fumbled around for my phone. Squinting at the screen, I groaned a little when I saw it was from Edward.

Edward. He had taken the postponement of our wedding hard. I hadn't actually set eyes on him since the day I had called it off, but he was a constant presence nevertheless. The night before, he had texted to tell me Alice advised me to keep cold medicine handy for this morning. Opening the text, I read his message.

_**Alice says if you rest today, you'll feel a lot better tomorrow. I can come and cool you down if you develop a fever.**_

In actual fact, my body was being racked by violent shivers. There was someone who could help out my body temperature, and it wasn't Edward. I typed my reply.

_**Tell Alice thanks. I'm cold, not fevered. I'm going to sleep now.**_

My conscience nagged at me after hitting _send. _This wasn't fair to Edward, or any of the Cullens. I had kept their secret, and promised myself as the newest member of their family. I had allowed them to plan a lavish wedding, and then postponed it indefinitely. Now, I was seriously doubting whether to go ahead with it at all...a fact that I knew Alice would have seen.

While I waited for sleep to claim me, I gave in to the demons that had been licking on the periphery of my thoughts since waking. For months, now, I had been treading a fine line between the two men I loved—promising one an eternity, while keeping the other just at arm's length. I had been selfish, and I knew in my gut that I was about to pay the price. I also knew that I deserved it.

Sleep was welcome, when it came. I fell asleep huddled in the foetal position with my arms wrapped around my knees, in an attempt to heat up. The pounding of my head had subsided a little but shivers still racked my body periodically. I hoped that I would pass most of the day in slumber.

The dreams began almost immediately, or so it seemed. The first was familiar, beginning with my kiss with Jacob on the mountaintop.

_Kiss me, Jacob._

He did. The heat of his lips, and the warmth of his hand through my clothes, penetrated my sick, shivering frame. Even in sleep, I knew my body was beginning to relax under the heat of his touch. Our kiss prolonged and extended, Jacob's hands began to roam under my shirt and I pressed my body against him, soaking up the inherent warmth of my sun. As happened so often lately, I felt my body igniting in sleep under the imaginary touch of his hands, but my dream Jacob pulled away from me. I reached out for him; he stepped backwards. The fire in his eyes glowed brightly when he spoke, his voice low and hoarse after our kiss.

"I want all of you. I won't accept anything less."

"I'm yours." My reply was immediate and certain. _Take all of me. I won't give you anything less._

"You need to choose life, Bella."

"I don't want to die." Again, my reply was delivered with a conviction that resonated throughout my body and soul.

A smile teased the corners of Jacob's lips. "Then don't," he told me, before turning on his heel and walking away from me.

"Jake, don't go!" I called it fruitlessly after him. Running faster than should have been possible, he burst into the beautiful wolf that I realised was as familiar to me as the man himself was. Turning its regal head to look at me, the Alpha barked once and took flight.

"Jacob!" I took off after him, knowing I didn't have a prayer of catching up but attempting nonetheless. I raced into the trees, stopping several hundred metres in when I realised the surrounding air did not have a friendly feel to it. Turning 360 degrees and staring all around me, I tried to locate the source of the danger I sensed. A large black wolf emerged slowly from the shadows of the trees; I recognised him immediately.

"Sam!" I called his name in relief. He had rescued me in the forest once before—he would surely do so again now. Yet as I looked into his eyes, I saw hostility and anger there. "Sam?" I heard my own voice falter uncertainly.

The wolf backed up, not taking his eyes off me until he was out of sight around a large tree trunk. He re-emerged moments later, human and wearing the wolf pack's trademark cut-off shorts. This time, he didn't look at me, but at someone—or something—behind me.

"She's yours."

I span around to see who he was addressing, my mouth gaping open when I saw who was standing there.

"_Edward?_ What are you doing here?"

"I've come for you, love. It's time."

"Ti—time for what?" Instinctively, I took a step backwards, stumbling over an exposed tree root as I did so. Movement in my peripheral vision drew my attention to the rest of the Cullens approaching. They formed a semi-circle around Edward, who stood smiling at me.

"Time for you to join me. Don't you remember? An eternity together, Isabella. This is what you want."

"No!" I was sure my lips had formed the word, but nothing audible came from my mouth.

"Where would you like to die, Isabella?" Carlisle asked calmly. "You can come back to our home, or go to Charlie's if you prefer."

"Why not stay right here? It'll make it easier in the end." I span back around again, horrified to identify this new speaker as Quil Ateara. The rest of the wolf pack were gathering slowly, menacing and deadly even in their human forms. Quil looked straight at me when he spoke again. "You will all be destroyed as soon as she is bitten."

"No! If you hurt them, you hurt me! Jake will never allow it!" When I began to speak, my voice was strong with conviction. It tailed off towards the end.

"On the contrary, Bella...I will give the order."

Spinning around one final time, I saw Jacob materialising from somewhere behind Carlisle. He strode directly past the doctor, then Edward, before coming to a stop in front of me with his arms folded and a harder look on his face than I had ever seen before.

"Jacob, please," I whimpered.

"I told you this would happen though. If you become one of them, you become my enemy."

"You said...even after my heart stops beating, you'll still love me!" I pleaded.

"I'll still love you, Bella. But it doesn't matter. My duty is to Protect innocent humans from bloodsuckers."

"You will destroy her even though you love her?" Edward's voice sounded like shards of ice as it penetrated the frigid forest air.

The fire in Jacob's eyes glowed even brighter as they stared straight into my soul. "I will destroy her _because_ I love her," he growled. "I will do it myself, and do it quickly...saving her from an eternity of bloodlust." He stared at me for a moment longer, his eyes scanning my face as he seemed to commit it to memory. This was, I realised, his final vision of me as a human. That understanding prompted tears to flow down my cheeks and I grabbed at his hands in an attempt to reason with him.

"Please don't do this, Jake," I begged.

"_I'm _not doing this, Bells," he answered me. "This was _your _choice." Extracting his hands from mine, he leaned down and gently kissed my head. "Bye, honey," he whispered into my hair before walking away from me to join his pack.

"Jacob, _NO!_" My horrified scream echoed through the trees as a hard body pressed against my back and an icy arm manacled around my waist, holding me tightly in place.

"It's time, Isabella." Edward swept my hair away from my neck and moved his frozen lips to touch my skin there. "This will all be over...in three days."

"_NO!_" I knew this was it. My flesh was about to be pierced by venomous teeth. I would either writhe in agony for three days before turning to marble...or else I would be destroyed by my best friend on the spot. This was not what I wanted. I had chosen this...but I had chosen wrong.

Struggling and screaming, I tried to make the words form that would tell Jacob, tell Edward, tell the entire assembled company of wolves and vampires that I had changed my mind. I saw a flash of white teeth and knew I was too late. I could never tell Jacob that I loved him; never tell him I had been wrong; never tell him that I chose life, chose him, chose _us..._

I sat bolt upright in bed, screaming in terror and leaping to the end of the bed in an instinctive bid to escape the arm that had been holding me in place.

_Dreaming._

"Oh my God! Oh God! Dammit...just a dream...Oh God!" Kneeling on the mattress, I dipped my head down onto my legs to try and alleviate the light headedness that came over me. I was drenched in sweat, and shivering simultaneously. Reaching for my duvet, I wrapped it around my shoulders as I sobbed noisily in the aftermath of seeing...my future.

I felt like a fool. What had I been thinking? That an eternity as a frozen, blood-crazed predator was a good choice? That dying, leaving behind everyone and everything I loved, was worth the sacrifice to spend my eternity as a monster with Edward?

_Yes._

Edward...My sobs grew louder as I thought of the boy I once loved with every fibre of my being. The boy I _still _loved—just...not as much as before. Because now, there was Jacob, who also existed in my heart.

Confused pain broke through my sense of idiocy. How could I choose between the two men I loved? Choosing Edward would inevitably mean losing Jacob...forever; but choosing Jacob would mean losing Edward forever too. I knew there was no way Jake would tolerate me remaining friends with a bloodsucker.

"Who do I choose?" I whispered the forlorn question aloud. The answer came to me immediately.

_Either you choose to die, or you choose to live a human life...If you choose to stay human...do it for yourself._

I almost imagined I could hear Jake's voice whispering the same words he had spoken the evening before, and the pieces fell into place in my mind. I had been so concerned with not aging further than Edward's seventeen years...but in truth, I was still young. I could take my time, decide to stay human and unmarried, and work out my own feelings before making any life altering decisions.

With some kind of peace in my heart, I fell back into a deep sleep.

I awoke when Charlie came home from his extra shift at work. The front door slamming shut roused me from a dreamless slumber which had lasted for hours. As Alice had predicted, the meds-induced sleep had helped me significantly.

I lay in bed for a while, pondering the epiphany I had reached earlier in the day. It still made sense to me. I was eighteen years old. I could call off my wedding completely, and take as long as I needed to examine my feelings for both of the boys I loved. My decision did not need to be rushed.

I shivered a little with horror when I remembered the dream I'd had. As much as it had been nothing more than a vision, I didn't need to stretch my imagination too far to see that it could be real. The look on Jacob's face when he said he would destroy me himself, humanely, to save me from an eternity of bloodlust because he loved me...brought tears spilling onto my cheeks once more. How very, very Jacob to personally perform the one act that would kill him to do, out of love for somebody else.

Finally, realising I was dehydrated and hungry, I made my way downstairs. Charlie was in the kitchen, rooting through the fridge in an attempt to find himself something for dinner.

"Feel like eating some Chinese food for dinner, Bells?" he greeted me when I walked into the room. "There's nothing here that I know what to do with. I can call the order in, then go and collect it."

"That sounds good, actually," I admitted. I chugged back a glass of water and then began to boil more for some herbal tea, while dad phoned our usual order round to the Chinese takeaway. I had just sat at the table, blowing on my scalding tea, when he dropped his bombshell.

"I saw Alice Cullen today. Did you know they're moving out of state?"

"They—what?" I peered at him over the top of my mug, confused. "Where did you see Alice? What _exactly _did she say?" I demanded, hearing the edge of hysteria begin to creep into my own voice.

"I went into the diner to pick up some sandwiches for the boys at the station before coming home. Alice happened to be there at the same time." _Sure she did. _"She just mentioned that since the wedding is off, the family don't want to hang around here too much longer." He looked at me with a slightly hurt expression. "I didn't know the wedding was off entirely, Bells, and I wish you'd told me. Everyone's been asking when it'll be. I've been going around telling people that maybe in the New Year, a new date will be set. Now I hear from Alice Cullen that it's cancelled. I thought you would've told me something so..._important._"

"I—I don't know what to say, dad. I didn't _tell _them that I wanted the wedding to be called off entirely, but I guess Alice..." My voice trailed off, unable to complete that sentence. _I guess Alice has seen it._ Anger flared unexpectedly through my veins. _How dare she?_

"Bells?" Charlie squinted at me. "You look mad. Did you really not know about this?"

"I'll be back in a minute, dad." Tearing upstairs, I heard my cell ring before I reached my bedroom door and knew Alice had just told Edward what was coming. Grabbing the phone from the nightstand, I put it to my ear.

"Bella, love, calm down. Alice saw..."

"I do not _care _what Alice saw, Edward! She had no right to call off our wedding and tell Charlie it was cancelled without anybody consulting me first! I guess now she's seen that I'm pissed, and I want you round here _now _so I can yell at you in person!" I was pacing my room as I seethed.

"I'm on my way over. I'll wait till Charlie leaves to collect your food and then come in. Alice is very sorry to have upset you like this."

"How come she didn't _see _my reaction?" I asked sarcastically.

"You know her visions are subjective, Bella. One of the things that make them that way is the human factor. Humans are temperamental and often unpredictable. Their emotions make it difficult for Alice to see clearly at times."

"It never seemed to bother her before, like when she _just knew _she and I would be great friends, or she _just knew _I would ask her to be my bridesmaid!" I grumbled, still annoyed. The momentary hesitation on the other end of the line raised my antenna. "Edward?"

"Your reactions lately have been increasingly unpredictable," he admitted grudgingly. "You've been more emotional and Alice has had a number of false visions. It makes it...difficult to know how we should act. Charlie will be leaving in a minute; I'll be right there."

The line went dead before I could question him further. I stared at the phone for a while, until Charlie shouted a cheerful goodbye on his way out the door. For all his hurt demeanour at my failure to confide in him, I suspected he was quite happy with this turn of events.

Five minutes later, Edward was seated opposite me at the kitchen table while I nursed my now-cooled cup of tea in my hands.

"I don't understand what you meant when you said it's difficult to know how you should act," I told him. "Why do my reactions dictate your whole family's decisions?"

"Before I answer that, can you answer something for me?" His golden eyes looked pained and I nodded, signalling for him to continue. "Was Alice's vision right? Have you decided absolutely against marrying me?" It looked as though it was costing him a great effort to ask, and my already tattered heart took another blow.

"I decided to postpone it indefinitely," I confessed. "I don't know what I want, Edward. I love you...but I love Jacob, too. If I choose my life with you, I lose him forever. If I choose him, he won't tolerate me being around you at all, so I lose you and all your family. I—I think I need time to work out what's best for _me_. And that might be...a lot of time." I lowered my head, ashamed. I had leaped into promising Edward an eternity; now, I was telling him maybe, eventually. This was not my proudest moment.

He surprised me by smiling sadly. "Take all the time you need, love. Perhaps you need to find out who Bella is on her own, before deciding who you belong with."

"You sound like Jacob," I grumbled.

Edward laughed lightly. "Maybe he and I have something in common after all. Other than our undying love for you, that is."

"Are you really leaving?" I stared at him across the table, knowing only that if he confirmed they were going, I would not fall apart like I had before.

"We must," he confirmed. "Bella, none of us have aged at all in the years we've been here. People really are beginning to notice. I can hear it in their thoughts, and Alice has seen an uncomfortable altercation ahead if we don't move now. We had postponed it until after the wedding, and then delayed further to accommodate your nerves...but an indefinite period of waiting can't be carried out here." He licked his lips, one of the rare times I had ever seen a lingering human habit. "Alice says...you will be fine without us, this time."

I watched him carefully. "What else does Alice say?"

"Remember her visions are subjective, Bella." Standing, he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

"What else, Edward?" I ground out. "Stop trying to protect me by keeping things from me! I know there's more!"

"Your future disappears a lot. That suggests you are with Jacob. But Alice also saw you frightened, running towards the treaty line for sanctuary. There seemed to be a...train of events that was unclear to her, after that. I intend to meet with Jacob before we leave to ensure you are Protected at all times."

I frowned, trying to make some sense of that. "Well, Jake will look after me," I told him confidently.

"I know he will." Edward hesitantly reached out for me, and I stepped into his arms.

"I will see you again, won't I?" I pleaded, hugging him tightly despite the shiver it created through me.

"Just as soon as you need me, I will be here," he promised. "This isn't like before, Bella. If you want to visit, I'll pick you up. If you want to talk, call me. If you want to reschedule our wedding, consider it already done. When—_if_—you decide you want to be with me, I will be waiting. I will always be waiting."

Sniffling, I looked up at him. "How can you do this?" I asked him. "How can you walk away, not knowing what I'll decide?"

He smiled sadly back at me. "I promised Jacob I would. If you chose him, or chose against me, I promised I would leave and let you live your human life." He released me, his fingers lingering in my hair for the briefest moment...and then, he was gone.

**A/N: RL is taking up aaaalllll my time at the moment. I'll update when I can, but there may be longer than usual gaps between chapters :(**


	13. Chapter 12 The Alpha, The Leech and The

**A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay in updating. There will definitely be at least one update next week sometime. On a whim, I made some changes to the order things are going to happen in, which has actually made me very excited about the next few chapters:) **

**Chapter 12 The Alpha, The Leech and The She-Wolf**

The two men stood facing one another, squaring up at either side of an invisible, yet distinct, line. Neither were quite ordinary men, although one was more human than the other. He was the taller of the two, swarthy and dark, with a fire burning brightly, deep in the embers of his intelligent eyes. He was naked other than a pair of carelessly slung on, low hanging, shorts. His bare feet were planted slightly further than hip width apart; his arms folded across his massive chest; his brow furrowed as he tried to make sense of what his enemy—in so many ways, his _Creator_, although it disgusted him to admit it—was doing.

The paler, smaller of the two men, had his head cocked questioningly to one side. He looked as though he was trying to figure something out, and he was evidently concentrating hard. He seemed thoroughly confused. Experimentally, the Native man threw a mental image out there—nothing incriminating or overly revealing, but one that would surely evoke a reaction on Bella Swan's behalf. _Jacob, making out in the grass with a beautiful girl._

Nothing.

Jake cocked his brow at Edward Cullen. "You can't read my mind anymore," he stated bluntly, smug satisfaction in his tone.

Edward looked frustrated, even slightly angry, as he admitted that was the case. "I don't understand," he complained. "It's only _ever _been Bella whose mind I can't access."

The two men returned to staring at one another, as both absorbed this turn of events. Jacob was inclined not to care about the reasons why. It was just a relief to be free from the bloodsucker's probing mind searches that could unearth his deepest fears and darkest secrets. On the other hand, he couldn't help but feel it might be important, so when the leech began a monologue, the Alpha listened patiently.

"You're Alpha now, I can tell that from your appearance." Edward's eyes raked almost rudely over his adversary's newer, larger, thicker frame. "It must be something to do with that. It never made sense to me that I could read your mind, but Alice can't see past you. Our knowledge of how our powers work is imperfect. Carlisle believes it has to do with the level of mind control that must be exerted, but then Bella should have been immune to Jasper's powers too.

"I only ever saw bright, vivid visual flashes from your mind. I had the sense a few times that I was receiving _one _frequency, perhaps the equivalent of the pack mind, but that there were subtler undertones I was missing...Can you shut your mind off to the rest of your pack?" Edward asked the question eagerly, but faltered when he took in the other man's blank, unfriendly stare. "Never mind. I understand you won't feel comfortable divulging pack secrets to me. I'll assume the answer to that question is yes. I will further conclude that there has always been a part of your mind that has been protected from my skills. Now that you are Alpha, it seems your very design is shutting me out."

Edward was becoming increasingly animated as he spoke, voicing his emerging theory aloud as it came to him. "It makes perfect sense, of course. You are _built _to destroy us. You would not be an efficient enemy if you could only fight us physically. If we could overcome you with mind control, it would be easy for a coven of our kind to take out your entire pack. Jane's powers, for instance, could be directed at you, and through the pack mind incapacitate every single wolf. No, that would make you inefficient, and your very purpose is to stop us, unnatural as we are. I think we should conclude that you, Jacob, as Alpha, are immune to each and every supernatural power that a vampire may have. Through your mind link, you may even be able to Protect your brothers."

Jacob was listening intently by the time Edward finished. He knew that, if this was the case, his pack was stronger than they had ever imagined. The leech hadn't finished, though.

"Of course, that does make you incredibly weak," he observed. "If you are removed from the equation, the entire pack is not only crippled by the loss of their leader, but left un-Protected by their Alpha's powers."

Jake finally reacted, with a rude snort. "I think you're overestimating me," he intoned, injecting boredom into his tone. "Alice can't see past _any _of us, remember?"

Edward frowned. "I don't think that's the case, actually," he replied slowly. "We've been _assuming _she can't see past any of you...but really, we've only ever attempted to look past the pack whenever it concerns Bella, and why would any of the other wolves affect her destiny? It will be you masking her future, and you alone." His eyes were triumphant as they met the unfathomable depths of his enemy's.

"Well, let's say you're right," Jacob acquiesced. "You can't read my mind, is the bottom line. I can't say I'm not happy about that. What did you want?"

The paler man frowned again. This new development was fascinating to him, and he didn't understand why it was being so summarily dismissed by the wolf-man. Reflexively, he probed Jacob's mind, frustration unfurling in his gut when he remembered that this was now a fruitless exercise. Sighing, he advised his adversary of the reason his family had requested this meeting.

"We're leaving. I'm sure you know that Bella has cancelled our wedding." He noticed the slight jerk of Jacob's head, and nodded his own. "Her desire to postpone it was really a wish to cancel it entirely. We are merely giving her what she wants."

"Is this Bella talking, or the fortune telling pixie?" Jacob demanded.

"Alice saw Bella's future disappearing. That means she chose you. We are leaving, to make that decision easier for her."

Jacob stared in undisguised disbelief at the man who owned the heart of the girl he loved beyond reason. "You are leaving her _again,_" he snarled, "because _Alice _had a subjective vision that you interpret as Bella choosing me." For the first time since arriving at the treaty line to conduct this meeting, his arms uncrossed. They fell instead to his sides, his fists clenched so tightly that the sinews in his forearms raised taut under his russet skin.

"I would have expected you to be happier," Edward said, slightly snidely. "You were the one who said you are the healthier choice for her."

"We both know that I am," Jake fired back at him. "But not like _this._" Collecting himself, he re-crossed his arms. "Fine." His tone was controlled, neutral. "So you're leaving. For good, this time?"

"Unless Bella chooses otherwise."

"Oh, for fu—" Jake reined himself in once more. "Fine. Here are the rules, then. Once you leave your premises, the treaty no longer exists. It is the pack's duty to Protect _all _human life, and it is not appropriate that we leave one corner of Forks un-Protected because once upon a time you had a crypt there. When you're gone, it's over. No alliance, no treaty, no special circumstances. Got it?"

Edward searched the other man's eyes, lamenting the loss of his ability to read his mind. He needed to consult with Carlisle on this turn of events, but as far as he could see, the Alpha was completely serious. Nevertheless, he decided to try. "Jacob, your own ancestor thought it wise to grant us a reprieve..."

He instinctively backed up a couple of steps when the massive wolf-man began to stalk threateningly towards him. Jacob's arms were swinging by his sides now, fists clenched once more. He very deliberately crossed the invisible line, so that he was standing on what should be Cullen territory. Towering over the leech, Jake's fiery eyes bore penetrating holes into Edward's own as he snarled through his teeth.

"My _ancestor _fucked up. For whatever reason, he allowed you to survive on _Quileute wolf territory. _That was a stupid fuckin' decision that I am rectifying now. If Ephraim and his pack hadn't granted you a _reprieve_, Bella Swan would not be besotted with a dead boy, me and my pack would be ordinary teenagers, and everybody would be following their natural paths."

Edward Cullen ducked his head, whether in agreement or submission, Jacob couldn't tell. Either way, the Alpha backed off slightly—but refused to return to "his" side of the treaty line. It was his land, as far as he was concerned, and this act of defiance was simply going to be the first of many.

"I will pass your message on to Carlisle, Jacob. We will be gone within two hours."

"Good. Did you want anything else, or did you just come here to say goodbye?" Jake asked sarcastically.

"I came here to advise you of a vision Alice has had."

"Another one?" Jake's tone was still sarcastic, and he noticed with satisfaction that Edward was beginning to look impatient. Getting under the leech's frozen skin always felt like a mild, if slightly childish, victory.

"Yes, another one. She saw Bella running towards the treaty line...or what _was _the treaty line, not that Alice has seen that one coming. Bella looked terrified, and Alice couldn't see what she was running from."

Edward watched curiously, as Jacob's eyes suddenly took on a new expression. Confusion extinguished the glowing fire, and in turn gave way to a lost look that made the mighty Alpha seem to diminish back to a seventeen-year-old boy. As the vampire stared, Jake literally shook himself in an amusingly canine fashion, and attempted to gather himself back together again.

"So? What does it mean?"

"The most likely option is the Volturi, and I came here to ensure you are aware of what you will be Protecting Bella from. With your new powers as Alpha, it may not be as worrying as I thought."

"The Volturi? That's the place Bella went to rescue you, right?"

"The place is called Volterra. The vampires who rule our kind live there. They are known as the Volturi, and we promised them that Bella would become one of us. They will come for her, one day."

"What? Just like that? Bella's meant to become a bloodsucker and your kings and queens will come 'one day' to make sure of it?" Jacob's fists were clenched again, and he looked positively dangerous as he advanced towards the bloodsucker once more.

Edward held up his hands. "Time means different things to our kind, Jacob. It could very well be hundreds of years before they even think to follow up on Bella."

"So in hundreds of years from now, when my pack no longer exists, your _royalty _might just turn up in La Push to visit my un-Protected _descendants_?" Jacob roared.

The leech quailed visibly. "Carlisle is working on it, Jacob, I promise you that."

"Do you have any idea of the magnitude of the danger you have created by being here?" the Alpha snarled. His entire frame began to quiver, the unmistakeable sign of a close phase. "You have caused ten of us to shift into our wolves. You have brainwashed an innocent girl. You have brought our corner of the world to the attention of your rulers. _Give me a reason not to destroy you now._"

"It would hurt Bella," the bloodsucker spat back, crouching into a defensive stance in preparation for the wolf's attack.

"Not a good enough reason," Jacob growled. He kicked off his shorts, and allowed his wolf to surface. He wasn't intending on actually destroying the bloodsucker, but the opportunity to leave his mark on his adversary was calling to him strongly.

_Dominate his competitor._

Edward's eyes narrowed and he attempted to circle around the massive beast. He suspected this was a show of strength, a pissing contest of a supernatural kind, and not an actual existence-or-destruction situation. Nevertheless, he would fight back with all his strength. It wasn't the first time Edward had thought about taking Jacob Black out of the equation...but the Alpha was built to rid the world of vampires. He was the fastest, the strongest, and the most dangerous of all his kind. The bloodsucker never saw him coming.

Custom-built teeth sank deeply into a marmoreal consistency, grinding and ripping as mighty jaws worried viciously at the flesh. Edward's scream—rage or pain—reached the wolf's sensitive ears at an uncomfortable frequency, causing him to snarl and bite with even greater ferocity.

Backing up at last, the russet wolf spat out the large, revolting piece of thigh that tasted rancid on his tongue. He knew Edward would be able to piece himself back together again, but the Alpha wanted to leave his mark, as a warning. Turning his head to the side, he caught the marble leech-flesh in his jaws once more, and worried at it until a small chunk broke free. Then, he phased to human, calmly pulled on his shorts, and pulled a lighter from his pocket.

Edward Cullen watched, aghast, as Jacob Black sparked the flame and tossed the cheap plastic lighter at the smaller lump on the ground. Clutching uselessly at the gaping wound in his leg, Edward grabbed the larger piece, and held it fast until it melded together in its rightful place.

A hole, the size of a golf ball, was missing from his left thigh. Jacob stood over it, watching as the alabaster flesh went up in flames.

"What have you done?" Edward hissed.

Jake raised his dark head. "Shown you," he said simply. "_I _am Alpha. These lands belong to _me_. The people who live on these lands are under _my_ Protection. If one of your kind harms a hair on any one of their heads, I will take revenge. Now go. Take my message to the rest of your family, and spread the word to your friends as well. La Push and Forks are leech free, or there will be consequences."

His message delivered, Jacob turned his back on Edward Cullen and began to walk away.

"What about Bella?" Edward called after him. "She needs Protection, Jacob!"

The Alpha turned slowly back to face him again. "Did you not hear me? The people who live on these lands are under _my _Protection. That includes Bella."

"What, no special treatment?" the bloodsucker sneered. His pride as well as his leg was wounded, and he wanted to goad the arrogant boy who had dared to injure him.

One side of Jacob's lips twitched upwards. "When Bella comes to her senses and realises what's good for her—trust me, she'll get _plenty _of special treatment."

The sexual innuendo was clear, eliciting a jealous snarl from the vampire. Smirking obnoxiously, the Alpha turned away.

* * *

The wolves sat in a circle in the clearing, shock and anxiety reverberating throughout the pack mind like vibrating tongs. None wanted to challenge their leader, even though they all knew he could read their thoughts. They looked to Quil and Embry, as his closest friends, and Sam, as their prior Alpha, for support.

In the end, it was Leah who stepped forward. Moving out of the circle, she approached her leader with her head bowed low. Stopping in front of him, she dared to raise her gaze to meet his shrewd one.

_What have you done, Jacob? _

Her inner voice wasn't accusing, but asking for answers.

_I've shown them, Leah. There is no doubt now. These are our lands—my lands—and their kind have no place here. Edward carries my mark for all eternity, to remind them._

**Leah - **_But haven't you simply provoked them? What if they go running to these Volturi, to seek revenge? All they have to do is tell them that Bella is still human, and they can come here and destroy all of our people._

The pack murmured their agreement. It went against the grain to argue with Jacob, but none of them understood this turn of events. They had never antagonised the Cullens, and never sought to draw the attention of other bloodsuckers. Their Alpha's actions seemed rash and misguided.

Jacob snarled in response to their thoughts.

_We are **not **weak. We do not collaborate with our enemies, or hide from their kind. **We **dominate **them**, and they will bow down before us. _

_What about the Volturi, Jake?_

Seth tried to keep the edge of fear from his thoughts, but knew his leader had seen it anyway.

_We are not going to be sitting ducks. We will not wait until they decide to come to us._

_So what? We're vacationing in Italy?_

Paul's dry query brought some light relief to the pack mind. Even Jacob's thoughts flickered with amusement.

_No. I'll think of something. So that's the way it is. The treaty no longer exists, the Cullens have gone, and we stop acting like whipped puppies around leeches. Okay?_

The pack murmured their assents, although doubts remained. Jake ordered them to phase out, instructing Leah to join him for a perimeter run. He didn't miss the curious thoughts of Paul, Quil and Sam, all of whom had noticed Leah's bold approach earlier when none of the boys had dared.

_What's up, Jake?_

The Alpha was revelling in the wind in his shaggy fur as they ran. He admired Leah's tenacious determination to keep up with him, and deliberately held himself back a little while masking from her mind that he was doing so. Her smug self-satisfaction made him bark a laugh.

_I wanted to ask you something, Leah. Nita mentioned that female shifters are able to sense people's emotions strongly. Can you do that?_

Leah's defences rose immediately, and Jacob had his answer.

_I don't want to pry. I just need to know, as the pack's leader. It might be a skill that's useful someday. I have to know what all my wolves are capable of. I'm not going to ask you for any details about what you can sense from anyone._

**Leah – **_I can sense the flavour of what people are feeling. I guess it's like, when someone thinks of something in the pack mind and then hides their thoughts really well. You just get a hint of something, you know? The stronger the emotion is though, the more it affects me. You're a fuckin' nightmare to be around._

_I can see why. Sorry._

**Leah – **_You're doing well, Jake. I don't know how you're managing to keep the depth of your pain so well hidden from the rest of the pack, but I can feel it. Stay strong._

They ran together for a while, each with their own thoughts, each trying not to eavesdrop on the other's. It was Jacob who broke the reverie first.

_I don't want to push her too far away. I need her to start thinking, really thinking, about what it would be like if we weren't in each other's lives at all. But I don't want to break her, like **he **did._

**Leah – **_I don't think you will. Nobody knows Bella better than you. You'll see the signs when it's too much for her. You're doing the right thing._

_I can only see the signs if I'm around her. I told her to stay away._

**Leah – **_You know she can't. She never has. She'll come round, Jake. But can I ask you something?_

_Sure, sure._

**Leah – **_What makes you so damn sure? I feel your hurt, but I see your conviction in the pack mind. You're so certain she belongs with you. Why?_

_I can't explain it. I think something happened to me, the night of the newborn fight. Ever since then, I've been having these premonitions, or feelings of déjà vu, or something. Like, I just **know **that I know something. It's really fuckin' annoying most of the time. But with Bella...I just know. That's all. When the leech told me earlier that the pixie saw Bells running for the treaty line—I felt like I'd seen that, too, and it scared me. It's drivin' me nuts._

They ran together again, each with their own thoughts. Jake couldn't miss what flashed through his she-wolf's mind. He lunged for her flank, snarling and sinking his teeth into the flesh—not a deep wound, just a warning.

**Leah – **_For fuck's sake, you need to think about it!_

_**NO!**_

**Leah – **_Don't bury your head in the sand, Jake! You said yourself, you don't want to break her like the leech did. That would break her worse, if it happened._

_It won't! I need to look at other girls to be able to imprint on one of them. I don't even see them!_

**Leah – **_Not even Nita?_

Jake growled another warning, but she had him there and she knew it.

**Leah – **_Just think about it, Jake. I know how you feel about Bella, and for what it's worth, I do believe you're meant to be with her. We don't know enough about imprinting, though. Be careful._

The deep spasm of pain that ran through the Alpha made the she-wolf whine. She hated inflicting further misery on him, as distressed as only she knew that he was. Having been on the receiving end of the agony of losing a lover to imprinting, though, she had to keep him aware of it. Changing the subject, she asked the other question that had been on her mind.

_So when is this she-bear arriving?_

The tenor of her inner voice was amused. Like the other wolves, Leah had seen her Alpha's encounter with the brash she-bear in his mind. Truth be told, Leah was looking forward to meeting the woman that could _almost _floor her Alpha. Jake managed a small bark of a laugh at the thought of Nita invading sleepy La Push.

_Tomorrow morning, apparently._

**Leah – **_Planning on introducing her to Bella?_

_What?! Why the fuck would I do that?_

**Leah – **_Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy competition to wake a girl up to what's right under her own nose._

_Are you serious? Bella and Nita are nothing like each other! No, Leah, that's a dumb idea._

Leah gave a mental shrug, but then allowed her Alpha to see a memory of her own from high school. The russet wolf snorted in amusement, and she joined him in his laughter.

_I can't believe Sam pulled a stunt like that, especially with Casey Mahon. She's...well, she had a reputation, didn't she?_

**Leah – **_Unlike your bear? I guess that was why he asked her—it would never be anything serious in her mind. It worked, too; made me jealous as sin, and Sam and I were together within the week. It didn't work out for me so well in the long run though, huh?_

_You really think it could work?_

**Leah – **_Look, Jake, you've always been there for Bella. Whatever she needed, you were it for her. Friend, mechanic, confidante, saviour, whatever. You've been there unconditionally, and she's gotten used to that. Now there's a shadow of doubt hanging over your friendship, and maybe letting her see that she isn't the only girl on the planet would do her some good. You can't do that with a local girl—unless you can convince Casey Mahon, that is—in case they get the wrong idea. But I think Nita would be open to suggestion. Think about it._

They approached the clearing again, having run the entire perimeter. Jake slowed to a trot, then halted completely in the middle of the clearing.

_I don't wanna play games with Bella, Leah._

**Leah – **_Then don't. It's up to you. I couldn't care less one way or the other, though I admit it would be fun to see Bella's face. So if you do decide to make her jealous, do me a favour and let me know where and when._

Jake rolled his baleful eyes at her, and told her to go home; he would continue the rest of the patrol shift alone.

* * *

On its vantage point higher up the hillside, on the favourable side of the wind, the bear growled in displeasure.

There was a she-wolf after all, and the Alpha appeared to respect her judgement, from the limited information the bear could gain from this distance.

It would need to act faster than it had thought.


	14. Chapter Thirteen Alone

**A/N: Yep, I know, it's been ages and ages since I updated. All the stresses and RL issues from the last few months finally caught up with me, and I was struck down with the worst dose of flu I've had in years. Looking after four children, with a hubby working away from home, while knocked off my feet with the flu isn't something I would wish on anyone! Anyway, hopefully I'm over the worst and can get back on track with this story now, because it's _just _getting to some good bits...I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

_Alone._

Time passed that evening, and the hole in my chest did not re-appear.

Charlie returned with our meal. We sat in the kitchen together, and exchanged banalities about our respective days. I heard myself calmly telling him that Edward and the rest of his family were leaving Forks—may have already left, actually. I saw him search my face and look at my arm, which rested easily on the table top and was not clutched around my middle. I reassured him I would not fall apart this time. I even smiled, albeit straining my lips a little to do so, when he cracked a funny about runaway bridegrooms.

After dinner, I washed the dishes as normal, feeling irritated when Charlie hung around the kitchen, instead of going to watch his sports channel. Once that was done and I headed back up to bed, still not feeling one hundred percent, I cringed when dad told me he would be right there in case of nightmares. Evidently, I was expected to have another meltdown of epic proportions.

_Alone._

I couldn't escape it, when I lay in the dark in my bed. Edward had left, taking his family—my future parents and siblings—with him. Jacob had...changed, our old friendship evaporating with his sunny smile. I had no other friends to speak of, having allowed my infatuation with the Cullens to get in the way of all healthy, human relationships. Jake's friends, who once may have also been called mine, were now cold and distant towards me. I didn't blame them.

_Alone._

For the first time in months, I dreaded sleep, certain that it would bring horrors with it. But when it _did _come, it was peaceful. To Charlie's great relief, the night passed with no screaming or hyperventilating. Instead, dreams of an all-encompassing heat, which began wherever it touched me and spread to my core, had me writhing and twisting in my sheets. I woke late in the morning, feeling significantly healthier than I had the morning before, but with a demanding ache that I knew needed the touch of one man to assuage.

_Jacob._

I stood under the scalding shower for a while, confused about these new feelings. Even when I had practically begged Edward to just _be _with me, I hadn't felt so sexually awakened. It seemed that ever since our kiss on the mountainside, my body longed for Jacob's. I had worked hard to force it down, but in sleep, I couldn't control what my subconscious craved.

As much as I was telling myself I still loved Edward—and I _did_—there was no escaping the fact that Jacob had crept into my every thought, waking or sleeping. I could no longer deny the physical urges that were ravaging my body, either.

_Alone._

The cold emptiness of being on my own was still as bleak in the morning as it had been the night before. I stood under the running water, wondering if this feeling of loneliness really was new, or if it had already existed to a lesser extent ever since leaving Jacob broken on his bed, the day of the newborn fight.

My emotions were too confused. I couldn't figure it out. There were some things I couldn't deny any longer, though. My wedding was cancelled; the Cullens had left; and Jacob Black was slowly becoming an obsession. His words kept on replaying in my head, making me shiver with anticipation each time. _I want all of you. _Could I give him all of me? I had been so certain that I could, during my fevered nightmare the day before. Was it as simple as just allowing myself to _feel_?

I finally began to wash myself, trying to summon some memory of exactly what I had dreamed to get me into such a needy state that morning. A sudden, vivid recollection of Jake's lips ghosting across my neck under the moonlight made me gasp. I tilted my head to the side, allowing the hot water on my neck to become a poor substitute for the heat of his lips there. My eyelids closed as my hand wandered to my most intimate parts...

This was something I never did. Feeling self conscious almost as soon as I had begun, I withdrew my fingers again and opened my eyes.

_Alone._

I wondered if the choice had already been made; if my body and my subconscious had made it for me. Feeling slightly flustered from my uncharacteristic desire to touch myself, I finished my shower quickly, and rushed to dress.

* * *

Over breakfast, I realised I was faced with an empty, dreary day ahead. Life had been so full of _planning _lately, that I hadn't really stopped to look at the big picture. Now that everything that I had been planning for was gone—my wedding, my new existence as a vampire, life in Alaska—I realised that I didn't have a single thing in my life that was my own.

_What was I going to do?_

I scrubbed and cleaned Charlie's home, working my arms furiously while trying to find some plan that would fit with my miserable life. The best I could come up with was to ask Mrs Newton for extra shifts at the shop, and keep an eye open for something more suitable. I could also enrol on an online course, gaining some qualification or other that way.

The housework done, I tried to read for a while, but the silence in the house was oppressively contributing to my sense of loneliness. Deciding to cook something special for Charlie's dinner, I headed out to my beloved truck. I turned the key in the ignition, frowning at the rattling sound I'd first heard the day before. Under normal circumstances, Jake would have happily come to look at it, whistling cheerfully as he fiddled under the bonnet. My heart sank when I remembered that he already knew about the strange noise—I'd told him on the beach.

I had to face the reality that he simply didn't care enough anymore.

Stubbornly deciding to take the truck anyway, I drove to the grocery store and stopped at Newton's Outfitters on the way back home. To my dismay, Mike was working, and there was no sign of either his mom or Amy, the only other member of staff.

"Hey, Bella," he greeted me half-heartedly. I waved my hand awkwardly.

"Umm, is your mom around?"

"No, she's out for the day with some friends. A girl's shopping trip, you know? Or, well..." Mike looked me over dubiously. I realised the sweats I had worn while doing the housework were stained with some cleaning products, and my hair was probably wispy around my face where it had come loose from its elastic band. "Can I help with anything?"

"Well..." I didn't really want to get into the details of my life with Mike, but then again, I knew he and his family were expecting me to hand in my notice. I needed to make sure they weren't already in the process of finding my replacement. "I was kind of hoping I might be able to work some extra shifts. Maybe pick up all your hours when you leave for college?" I blurted.

Mike's eyes widened slightly. "I thought..." His voice trailed off as he made a vague gesture with one hand.

"No," I corrected quickly. "The wedding's off, and I won't be moving to Alaska, either. So I need work. Here. In Forks. Close to Charlie." _And Jacob._

"I don't know, Bella. I mean, I guess it'll be okay. Mom tried to find a replacement for both of us, but hasn't had any luck so far." The door behind me _pinged _as it opened, heralding the arrival of a new customer. Mike glanced up, then double took. His eyes almost popped out on stocks, and his jaw dropped slightly. A silence followed.

"Mike?" I prompted.

"Ung..." His hand moved again in a helpless motion, and I almost laughed. I didn't want to be rude and stare over my shoulder, but whichever female had just entered the store presumably wasn't a local.

"Extra hours for me?" I tried.

"Uh...leave it with me, Bella. It should be okay." I watched as he sidled out from behind the counter, wiping his palms on his thighs as he did so. "Ca—can I help you, ma'am?" he directed at whichever beauty had just entered the premises.

Amused, I turned to see who had come in. I saw immediately why Mike had turned into an amoeba. The Native American girl standing just inside the doorway was tall, lithe, and utterly stunning. Her raven hair was cut into a sleek, shoulder length bob, and glowed with health. Her complexion was equally radiant, and her almond-shaped brown eyes were framed with long, feathery lashes. Her movements were fluid, almost reminiscent of Leah's animalistic grace.

It was that final thought that brought me up short. This girl was tall, like Leah; lithe, like Leah; and despite the autumn chill, she wore a thin cotton vest, which revealed powerful arms. My initial thought, that it was impossible for her to be a shifter, was dismissed as soon as it formed. I knew only too well how very real the world of monsters and magic was.

As the suspicion took root in my brain, the newcomer looked straight at me and tilted up one corner of her lips in a smirk, before returning her attention to Mike.

"Yes, you can help me," she calmly told him. "I'm looking for a map of the local area. I'm here visiting a new—_friend_—and I seem to have got lost."

"Well, we have plenty of maps here," he assured her immediately. "And let me guess where you're headed to...La Push! I know it, I've been down on the beach there so I can probably give you whatever directions you need. Where exactly is it you need to go?"

The young woman tossed her head, and grinned wickedly. She began to walk towards me, her heels clicking on the parquet floor. I looked down her figure, past her skin tight black jeans to the spike heeled black leather boots she wore. Her every step was made with an almost mesmerising confidence, and when I looked up at her face again, she was smirking at me once more. I felt the blood rush to my face, knowing what she was probably thinking. This girl was _stunning_...while I was wearing ratty sweats, and my hair was a bird's nest. I had rarely felt so self-conscious, or so inadequate, around another female. Even Rosalie, with her flawless beauty, hadn't made me feel so completely plain and dowdy.

The mesmerising woman reached the desk that I was standing next to, and turned her back to it. When she moved so close to me, I could smell her musky, almost heady, perfume. Leaning backwards, she placed both elbows on the desk, and actually batted her eyelashes at Mike a couple of times before answering him.

"I'm not sure of the exact address," she drawled. "But if La Push is anything like Neah Bay, everybody knows everybody anyway. I'm looking for the Chief's son."

"Jacob?" His name was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Her eyes turned round to mine, and that infuriating smirk appeared once more.

"I knew it!" she crowed. "Every female for miles around will know who Jacob Black is." Her eyes raked down my body, and back up to my face again. I saw the blatant dismissal in them, and felt the sting. My temper rose a little. _He's in love with __**me**__._

"How do you know him?" Mike was enquiring politely. I almost thought I saw drool forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Oh, we don't know each other well..._yet_. We met a couple of days ago when our dads had business together. Let's just say, we connected. We enjoyed one another's company, and he invited me to visit. So here I am."

The cogs turned in my head as the truth of what she was saying hit home. Jake had indeed had a trip out of town with Billy. In fact, it was after that trip that he found me on First Beach and told me we couldn't be just friends anymore. Had he really met this..._siren_, while he was away?

"I didn't catch your name?" Mike was saying. His voice sounded a little distorted, almost vacant, as blood started to thunder in my ears.

"Nita," she responded promptly. "And I don't want to hang around for too long. Jacob and I have some unfinished business to take care of." Turning her attention to me, she stage whispered, "It was a bit tricky with both our dads there, you know how it is."

I almost choked. The room was slowly spinning as reality seeped in. Of _course _Jacob had other girls interested in him—the boy was a demi-god, after all. And this girl, this self-assured _woman _who dressed to emphasise the killer body she possessed, had apparently _connected _with _my Jacob._

Jealousy spiked through me, prompting tears to prick behind my eyes and my temper to rise further.

"He's busy today," I blurted from nowhere. _How the hell would I know? We weren't really friends anymore. _

"That's right, Bella here is very good friends with Jacob Black," Mike chimed in, eager not to be excluded from a conversation with this mysterious woman.

"Hmmmm." Nita glanced in my direction in a dismissive fashion which set my teeth on edge. I wanted to find something cutting to say to her, something that would make her understand that Jacob Black was _my _Jake...but she was pushing herself off the counter already. She flashed a mega watt smile at Mike. "So...those directions?"

I seethed silently, watching through slitted eyes as Mike stammered his way through directions to La Push, assuring Nita repeatedly that she was right, anybody would be able to direct her to Jacob once she was there. Practically purring, she threw one final smirk in my direction before sashaying out of the store.

Viciously, I turned on Mike, who was standing awkwardly with his mouth hanging open.

"Did you have to give her the right directions? Couldn't you have sent her the wrong way or something? Like, sent her _miles _away? Stop standing there gawking like a school kid, Mike!"

"What?" He sounded as dazed as he looked. His mouth snapped shut, and slightly dewy eyes met mine. "Why would I send her the wrong way?" he asked in utter bewilderment.

"She's..."

I couldn't finish the sentence. _She's going to my Jacob. She's everything I'm not, and she said they connected. He invited her here, only a few short hours before he sent me out of his life._

The sob that bubbled up through my chest became constricted as it met the obstruction that was my shattered heart. Too late, I saw the bigger picture. Jacob was my sun. He had painstakingly and lovingly repaired me when I was broken. He had given me more chances to love him than I ever deserved. And now, when I was free to love him the way he claimed to want...I was too late.

Turning away from Mike, away from his curious stare and the lingering musky scent of Nita, I fled from the store and into the refuge of my truck.

* * *

My original plan was to head home—drive straight to Charlie's place, and spend the rest of my miserable life in tears. I made it halfway there before realising that dad wouldn't be home from work for several hours. Facing an empty house was the last thing I wanted to do. I drove randomly around Forks for a while, my heart thumping and my cheeks burning, as I tried to rid my mind of images of _my Jacob _with _that woman. _

Almost half an hour later, I realised that the rattle in the truck's engine was louder than before. Finding myself at an intersection where I needed to go straight on for home, or turn right to La Push...I turned right.

Berating myself for my own martyrdom, I headed straight towards the reservation. I had no idea what I was going to do when I got there—throwing myself into Jacob's arms was my first option, but as I neared my destination, I began to waver. I had to be absolutely certain of my choice if I ever told Jacob that I loved him and chose him. This could be no knee-jerk reaction to loneliness and jealousy. I began to think that asking if we could talk, and explaining everything to him, would result in a rekindling of our friendship while I simply allowed my feelings for him to develop naturally.

I had more or less decided on that course of action by the time I reached the reservation. In my haste to get to my sun, I had forgotten the hostility with which I was treated here now. I quailed a little and slowed my speed as I approached the Blacks' cabin. If Jake was patrolling, or had already taken off somewhere with Nita, I would be forced to deal with Billy. His animosity towards me the other day had hurt me deeply, and I longed to make amends with him. I knew though that the only way of making things up to Billy, was to love his son unconditionally.

_Was I ready to do that?_

Lost in my thoughts, still wavering and unsure, I didn't notice the gathered pack members until I had already put the truck in park. I looked up, startled to see the large number of enormous men milling around outside Jake's garage. As I glanced around their faces, I couldn't even begin to guess at what was going on. Quil met my gaze first, a slightly unpleasant smirk on his face. I felt the hairs rise on the nape of my neck when I remembered his menacing stare from my dream the day before. It didn't seem an unreasonable expression now, as he stood there outside the garage sneering at me.

Quil nudged Sam, who stood next to him. He gave me only a cursory glance over his shoulder before turning his attention back to whatever was going on inside. I stared at Sam's back for a moment before looking up and meeting Seth's eyes. He looked almost sympathetic as he nodded a greeting at me. Jared and Brady stood on Seth's other side, neither even bothering to acknowledge me. I took a deep breath. The only way into Jake's garage was past the five men who, frankly, looked intimidating from where I was sitting in my truck's cab.

I waited where I was, certain that Jake would come out and rescue me. A full minute went by before he appeared, almost a full head taller than Sam now as he pushed his way through the assembled crowd. Tears stung my eyes again as I compared the frown on his beautiful face with the sunny smile of days gone by—days when he would have bounded out past the pack to get to me, ignoring their disapproving stares, or teasing jibes, as he swung me around in a tight hug. Instead, his face was deadly serious as he walked calmly towards the truck, his eyes penetrating mine through the windshield.

I clambered out the cab, sending up a silent prayer that I wouldn't say the wrong thing and alienate my best—my _only_—friend, further. As I climbed out of the truck, a loud guffaw came from the interior of the garage. Quil simultaneously doubled over at the waist in mirth, cackling uproariously.

"Bad luck, Paul!" Sam yelled, his own voice filled with amusement.

"I let her!" Paul's voice called back out the door. _Her._

"Sure you did!" Jared snorted.

My heart sank still further at this confirmation that Nita was definitely in the garage...in _my _garage. Turning my attention back to Jake, I saw that he was looking at me intently.

"What's wrong, Bells?" he asked gently.

_Bells. _It had been too long since I'd heard his husky voice say my pet name like that. My lips formed a thin smile, which I knew would be watery from the threatening tears.

"I—" I glanced past him, at the pack who were doing nothing to disguise the fact that they were watching us curiously, and eavesdropping on every word. "I'd like to talk with you, but in private. I know this isn't the best time, but...soon?" My cheeks burned, although I managed to keep my voice steady. When he didn't answer immediately, but rather continued to search my eyes with the fiery depths of his own, I continued in a rush. "I've been thinking about what you said, and we _need _to talk, Jake. I'm not..." The breath left my lungs with a _whoosh,_ as I wondered how best to finish that sentence. _I'm not ready yet, but I will be soon? I'm not sure what happened between you and Nita, but I hate it? I'm not marrying Edward at all?_

"Take it easy, Bella. I've got a coupla things I need to take care of before we can talk, but how's this? You wait with dad in the cabin, and when I'm done, we can go in the garage and talk while I'm looking at the truck, just like old days. You were right about the engine, I heard it coming when you were nearly a mile out." Jake's face was kind as he spoke, and I realised again how much he had matured lately. All the conversations we'd had about our relative ages seemed ridiculous, right at this moment. He was clearly much, much older than me.

I nodded miserably, not relishing passing time with Billy, but aware that it was an opportunity to start re-building some bridges. I had to know one thing first, though.

"What are you going to be doing while I wait?" My voice sounded a little strangled, and Jake tilted his head questioningly in response.

"Just some pack business. We're changing the way we do things. We were about to get started, but we got a bit side-tracked." Jake's face broke into the sunniest grin I had seen for a long time, and when another guffaw issued forth from the garage, he looked over his shoulder and actually chuckled.

Jealousy spiked through me once more. Whatever Nita was doing in there, she clearly had the entire pack as mesmerised as Mike Newton had been. Fighting down my emotions, I jerked my head towards the garage.

"Sounds like fun in there," I said acidly. "Anything I can join in with?"

Jake sobered instantly. "I wouldn't, Bells. Things are different now. I've made some changes that have the guys on edge a little." He jerked his head toward the old garage before adding, "That's just some light relief to ease a bit of tension before we get down to business." He didn't seem to notice my mouth popping open as he turned to jog back towards his pack...and _her_. "Go see dad, Bella! I know he misses you, despite what you're thinking."

I remained rooted to the spot, listening as Jake's reappearance in the garage was met with a loud cat call. I knew that Nita was in there, with Paul and at least one other wolf. I also knew that Jake had just returned to her, and put me on the back burner for later. Curiosity seared through me, but the only way to see what was going on in there was to walk past the five pack members assembled outside.

I turned towards the Blacks' cabin, knowing there was no way I could face going into the garage. The net curtain falling into place over the living room window caught my attention. I stopped in my tracks, wondering how I could face spending the next hour or so alone with Billy. The condemnation in his eyes, the day I came to visit Jacob, was etched into my memory.

I stood where I was, undecided as I looked back and forth between the red cabin, and the ramshackle garage.

_What was I doing here? _

I didn't belong here anymore, if I had ever belonged in the first place. There was no more love for me here than there was with the Cullens. Jake's feelings for me had clearly abated, and everyone else had only ever tolerated me because of him. I was no good for Jacob Black—that much I had proven time and time again.

Crossing the yard again, with a new purpose I climbed back into the truck's cab. My hand was shaking as I reached out to turn the key in the ignition, but I didn't waver in my resolve. Throwing the rattling engine into reverse, I backed out of the Blacks' property, and turned in the direction of Forks.

The wolf running parallel to me materialised very quickly. A loud _yip_ reached me clearly, but I would not be swayed from my decision. Jake needed to complete the process of getting over me, and moving on with his own life. I needed time to work through my own confused emotions. Perhaps taking Edward's advice and finding out who I was on my own, was the best path forward for me now.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, but I was determined. I recognised the area surrounding the treaty line, and was surprised when the wolf to my left continued to run alongside me. I took my eyes from the road to look at what he was doing. An instant later, he leaped suddenly in front of my speeding truck, causing me to scream and slam the brakes on hard.

Skidding and fishtailing, the truck screeched to a halt at an angle across the road, accompanied by a dramatic _bang _from the languishing engine. Snapping my head around to see what the hell the wolf had been doing, my eyes bugged at the sight before me.

The giant wolf stood, hackles raised straight up as it faced the monster before it. A horrified scream left my lips when, faster than my human eyes could see, the wolf was somehow hurled across the road. A sickening _thud _reached the inside of the truck's cab, as the wolf's body hit an ancient tree with enough force to produce a huge crack up the middle of the trunk.

Turning back to the perpetrator, I whimpered when it turned its head to look directly at me. I turned the key in the ignition several times over, vainly attempting to inject some life into the dead engine. It watched for a minute, its head cocked to the side...and then, it began a leisurely walk towards the truck. Screaming, I leaped from the cab and looked frantically towards the still form of the wolf. A noise unlike anything I had ever heard before, a sound that came straight from the depths of hell, unleashed from the monster behind me. I began to run at full human pelt towards the treaty line.

_If I could only make it to the treaty line, the wolves would Protect me._

Whimpers and gasps escaped me as I tried to summon the voice and the courage to yell for the pack's help. The invisible line was just ahead, Protection inherent on its other side.

I felt the grasp around my middle, knew that fighting was useless as an inhuman strength lifted me clean off my feet. I struggled anyway, sensing rather than seeing or feeling that a limb was being pulled back to deliver a blow.

And then...I knew nothing more.

**A/N: The next chapter backs up a bit and re-tells this one from Jacob's POV. Sorry to halt the story a little by doing that, but it's important before going any further that we see what was going on in Jake's head (not to mention what was going on in the garage:-p) here.**


	15. Chapter 14 Invaded

**This is backing up to begin shortly before Bella is at Newton's with Mike and Nita.**

Jake pulled his shorts back on, and kicked the sides of his feet against the nearest tree to rid them of the worst of the mud. Autumn was one of the worst times to be spending half the time in furry form—the rain fell more or less continuously, easily penetrating the leafless tree canopy above and making the forest floor a quagmire.

Jake crossed the street and walked the short distance home, lost in his own thoughts. He had just phased to check in with Embry, who was—unknown to her as yet—watching over Bella. Embry was struggling to keep her in his sights, as she drove through Forks in the truck. Jake was worried about the fact that he hadn't yet had time to look into the problem with the truck, and having seen her fleetingly through Embry's eyes, he was equally worried about Bella herself. It was evident that she was very confused at the moment, and giving her his ultimatum when he did might not have been his best timing. Jake sighed and ran his hand through his hair as he leaped over the railing onto the porch. He felt very much the Alpha of his pack...but fuck if he wasn't just a clueless kid when it came to chicks.

Billy was waiting inside the living room. He looked up in amusement when his huge son loped in, instantly dwarfing the entire cabin.

"Do you ever walk up the stairs to the porch anymore?" he asked. "Or is it a secret wolf's code that you can only hurdle the railing now?"

Jake shrugged, uninterested. "I just do it cos I can," he admitted. He met his father's shrewd eyes, and knew that his pain was transparent when Billy's brow furrowed in immediate concern.

"Sit and talk with me, Jake."

He shook his head. "I can't, dad. The pack are coming round. Don't worry, we'll use the garage. I want to trial having a meeting in human form. We've always met as wolves but it's a pain in the ass sometimes to be summoned to phase. I want to see if we can't meet just as efficiently as humans."

"Do you have one minute, son? I want to know how you are."

"I'm good. Or mostly. It's just Bella...I told her we can't be friends, that it's all or nothing, and now Leah thinks I should try and make her jealous, but...I don't think she's in a great place right now, dad. I don't want to push her too hard. I've been angry with her, because of how she made me feel after the newborn fight, but that doesn't give me the right to hurt her. That's just getting even, which isn't gonna help either of us. I don't know what to do with her," he admitted finally.

Billy chuckled. "Well if you ever work out what to do about a woman, you'll become legendary. Are you still convinced you belong with her?"

"Yes, though Leah got me worried about imprinting," Jake responded glumly.

Billy's face grew serious again. He knew all too well how much his son detested the idea of having his choices removed by imprinting. He also knew how much Bella and Jake would both suffer, if they ever got together and were then ripped apart by an imprint. He was about to offer a suggestion when Jake's head cocked to the side.

"Paul's here. I gotta go."

"Okay, but Jake? Talk to Bella. Let her know you still care about her, but that you know she's confused and she hurt you. You're not the only one that misses her, you know."

Jake gave his dad a half-smile on his way out the door. He already knew how much his dad loved Bella...just as much as Charlie loved Jake, despite the pain she had inflicted. He vaulted the railing again, rolling his eyes as he heard Billy's final words.

"And the Council still want to talk to you about the whole, voiding the treaty thing! Don't think you can get out of it, Jacob!"

Fifteen minutes later, the seven available wolves were assembled in Jake's garage. They were cramped around the bikes, the Rabbit, the tools which Jacob insisted weren't moved to accommodate them, and the sparse furniture.

"We're never gonna _all _fit in here," Quil complained.

Jake sighed. "We won't have to, there's always gonna be wolves patrolling."

"Or on Swan watch," Leah complained. She needed to talk with Jacob, but this was not the time. He had established a round-the-clock Protection rota for Bella, as soon as the Cullens left Forks the day before. Leah volunteered for the first shift, which was overnight. When Bella's erotic dreams had started, the she-wolf was forced to phase to human so as not to give Collin a show through the pack mind. Even in human form, Leah had heard Jake's name fall breathlessly from the other girl's lips, had smelled her desire, and had sensed the all-encompassing love that flowed in Bella's sleep. It was the latter that made Leah resolve to speak to her Alpha again.

"We Protect Bella until I work out what to do about Alice's vision," Jake stated firmly. "If anyone doesn't want to be involved, tell me now. Embry's watching her now, and I know he's okay with it. Leah, I know you are too. I'll take as many of the shifts as I can, but I'd appreciate everyone's help so that when I really _can't _do it, we can share it fairly."

"I'll take all the night shifts," Leah said quickly. Jake looked over at her in surprise. "You could do some as well, actually," she added with a snort after a moment's consideration.

"I don't mind," Seth chimed in. "I'll do any shifts that are needed. It's in all our best interests to keep Bella safe, anyway."

"Yeah, whatever," Paul intoned. "We'll all take on some of the responsibility. Sounds like I might be wanting one of those night shifts, though."

Leah pulled a disgusted face; she might have known Paul would guess the truth. Jared guffawed as the penny dropped, and Sam slapped Jake on the back as his eyes widened. The conversation between Paul, Quil and Jared immediately degenerated, causing Leah to lose her temper in disgust.

"Not one of you will be taking a night shift!" she yelled at them. "I might not like Bella too much, but everyone deserves a little privacy. Nobody knows better than us what it's like having none! So just get your schoolboy minds out of the gutter, and get used to the idea that you won't be getting any cheap thrills through someone else's dreams!"

Paul rose to the challenge. "Think you can stop me, little girl?" He towered over Leah, knowing full well that he would never intimidate her, but unable to stop himself from trying anyway.

Seth stepped in, a wicked glint in his eye. "How about you arm wrestle for it?" he offered, provoking a knowing smirk from his sister. "Leah wins, you lot stay away from Bella's window at night; you win, you get your cheap thrills."

"Jake?" Quil checked with his Alpha, who was silent, and looking a little stunned at the turn the conversation had taken.

"I think you need to wrestle _me _for it," Jake growled at Paul, but Leah placed a hand on his arm.

"Trust me," she snickered. "If I lose, you can take over. We'll need more space, though," she announced, shoving Quil and Brady towards the door. Looking dubious, Jake nonetheless tolerated them moving the table into the centre of the floor.

What followed was the revelation that Leah Clearwater was one hell of an arm wrestler. Paul was annihilated almost instantly, prompting protests that he hadn't really tried, and was tricked. One by one, the pack members stepped forward to pit their strength against her; one by one, they were defeated. Seth, who had lost time and again to his sister in years gone by, and Jake, who would have broken her arm without trying, both declined. All but Paul and Quil took their defeat good naturedly.

Jake, with his Alpha hearing, detected the truck first. He frowned as he attempted to place, by auditory powers alone, what the problem was with the engine. It sounded as though the carburettor was loose, although how that could be, he had no idea. He had fitted it himself, and there was no way it should have loosened.

With a stern warning to his pack brothers to say nothing that would embarrass Bella, Jake remained in the garage supervising the arm wrestling while he waited for her to arrive. Really, he wanted to ensure that none of the pack idiots thought they had any claim over taking a night shift guarding Bella...the dream shift that Jake himself was resolved to take that very night.

Quil insisted on a second round arm wrestling Leah, and the rest of the pack hollered as he evidently put all that he had into it. Defeated again, his mood instantly darkened.

"Beaten by a fuckin' _girl_," he spat in disgust.

"Watch how it's done, Quilita," Paul goaded, taking the seat opposite Leah. Quil moved outside to join the others, just as Bella's truck rolled up.

Jake was struggling with his emotions. The fact that Leah thought he would be interested in Bella's—apparently erotic—dreams, persuaded him that his name had been mentioned the night before. The girl of his dreams having sexual dreams about him absolutely floored him. Alpha or not, Jake wasn't sure how to respond to Bella when she arrived; more importantly, he was concerned over what would happen if Paul won the wrestling match. Deciding to wait until he was certain that Leah was going to be victorious once more, Jake waited before heading slowly out to meet Bella at her truck.

As soon as he saw her, Jake realised again how confused she was. He watched intently as she clambered out of the cab, looking inexplicably stricken by the animated conversation going on amongst the pack members. Not wanting to upset her further, Jake kept his tone gentle.

"What's wrong, Bells?"

_Bells. _The old nickname fell from his lips, and he was instantly rewarded with a smile. It faltered, though, as tears glistened in her eyes. Jake had to rein in his natural impulse to gather her to his chest and hold her tightly.

"I—" Bella glanced past him, at the pack who were doing nothing to disguise the fact that they were watching and listening to every word. "I'd like to talk with you, but in private. I know this isn't the best time, but...soon?" Jake's eyes searched Bella's own as he tried to work out why she needed to speak with him privately. _Was it possible she had already reached a decision? Could he trust her decision, with Cullen so recently departed? _When he didn't answer immediately, Bella continued in a rush. "I've been thinking about what you said, and we _need _to talk, Jake. I'm not..." She finished on a sort of gasp, apparently at a loss as to how to continue.

"Take it easy, Bella. I've got a coupla things I need to take care of before we can talk, but how's this? You wait with dad in the cabin, and when I'm done, we can go in the garage and talk while I'm looking at the truck, just like old days. You were right about the engine, I heard it coming when you were nearly a mile out." Jake tried to keep his voice controlled, although his heart was threatening to hammer out of his chest. He knew that after giving Bella his ultimatum, something important must have happened to make her come here.

She nodded in apparent agreement, before blurting out one final question in a tone of voice Jake had never heard before.

"What are you going to be doing while I wait?"

"Just some pack business. We're changing the way we do things. We were about to get started, but we got a bit side-tracked." Jake's face broke into a grin as he thought of Quil's face when he lost the second time. A well-timed guffaw issued forth from the garage, making him look over his shoulder and chuckle. _Paul had just lost...again._

Looking inexplicably agitated, Bella jerked her head towards the garage. "Sounds like fun in there," she snapped. "Anything I can join in with?"

Jake sobered instantly at the thought that Paul or Quil, pissed as they were at being defeated by Leah, might say something to embarrass Bella about her dreams..._shit, what he wouldn't give to know exactly what those dreams were_. "I wouldn't, Bells. Things are different now. I've made some changes that have the guys on edge a little." He jerked his head toward the old garage before adding, "That's just some light relief to ease a bit of tension before we get down to business. Go see dad, Bella! I know he misses you, despite what you're thinking."

Jake turned away, resolved to get this pack meeting over with as quickly as possible. Something was telling him that Bella needed to just _be _with him, and fixing up the truck in the garage where it all began, seemed an appropriate way to do that. He strode towards the garage with a sense of purpose that made each and every assembled wolf stop what they were doing and stand to attention. Paul couldn't help himself releasing a loud cat-call, in tribute to Bella's dreams. Jake cuffed his head, hard enough to make Paul stumble.

"Let's get this over with," the Alpha barked. He settled himself on the bonnet of the Rabbit, and began to explain—rather abruptly—the new patrolling schedules, which would incorporate Bella's Protection, but also free up the younger wolves' time so that they could return to school. Ignoring the groans of protest from Collin and Seth, Jake began to issue an Alpha order forbidding any wolf other than Leah to go within a mile of Bella's house at night, unless there was reason to believe she was in danger and needed help.

Mid-sentence, the Alpha suddenly leaped off the car, his head turned to the side and his brow furrowed in deep concentration.

"What the hell is that?" he murmured, taking a couple of steps towards the door. The expression of puzzlement on his face changed to panic, as the sound of the truck's cab door slamming shut was almost immediately followed by the disjointed roar of the ailing engine.

"Quil?" Jake's voice was urgent. "Go with Bella. I don't know why she left, but just stick close to her till I come and take over. Something's out there, and it's closing in on us. Paul, Jared, Sam, come with me. The rest of you, stay here with dad till you hear from me."

"Want us to go see what's out there while you follow Bella?" Quil checked while stripping, his glowering mood forgotten in the face of work to be done.

"No. Whatever it is, it's a threat. I need to check it out myself. I'll come and meet you as soon as I can." Jake, Paul, Jared and Sam tore out the garage on Quil's heels, phasing into their wolves and fanning out through the trees. Sam, with his experience as prior Alpha, was the first to catch the scent which had spooked Jacob.

_What do you think it is, Jake?_

_Bears._

**Paul – **_Nita? Damn, I can't wait to meet her!_

_**Not **Nita! I can't smell her, but there's definitely more than one, and they're angry. Can you smell the rage?_

Jake zeroed his attention in on Quil, who was pounding along the side of the road, in full view of Bella.

_Why did she leave? Fuck! Quil, stay with her till she's well clear of the forest._

**Quil – **_Course I will, Alph._

As Jake watched, Bella turned her tear streaked face to look straight at Quil. The pain etched on her features made him whine slightly...but less than a second later, Quil's head whipped away from her. With an angry snarl, he threw himself protectively between the truck and the bear which had materialised from..._nowhere._

Chaos erupted in the pack mind.

**Paul – **_Where the __**fuck **__did that thing come from?_

**Jared – **_Do you see how big he is? Fuck!_

**Sam – **_Jake, there is no way that bear has accidentally turned up in front of Bella._

**Jake – **_Quil..._

**Quil – **_I'm on it, Jake. Just get here for Bella._

The Alpha was already on his way, claws digging into the mulch underfoot. The sodden forest floor slowed him a little, his paws slipping when he got past a certain speed. Quil's eyes were focussed on the bear, but Jake heard the screech of tyres, and the ominous _bang _as the carburettor finally gave up in protest. Bella probably couldn't have outrun the bear in her truck anyway, but now even that remote chance was gone.

Panic built in Jake's chest when the bear raised a massive, clawed paw and swept it like a club towards Quil. Under normal circumstances, the wolf would have swerved defensively away, but with a single minded focus to Protect the girl that Jacob loved, Quil leaped up instead to attack.

The bear was raised on his hind legs, giving him the advantage. A slight alteration to the angle of his swipe, and the phased wolves felt the searing, burning pain rake through their brother's chest. Flesh flew in all directions, and muscle was ripped from bone. Quil was hurled across the road, his spine hitting the tree behind him with sickening force.

The chocolate-coloured wolf disappeared from the pack mind.

As shock echoed hollowly through the wolves' connected psyches, something unprecedented happened to their Alpha. When the link to the inner cognition of one of his closest friends severed, it felt like a steel cable snapping. Something inside Jacob's own mind opened, freed from the confines of his mental bond with Quil. Like a door opening, a part of Jacob's mind broke free. Jared whined, either at Quil's fate or the insight into the nature of imprinting that the wolves had just encountered.

Like rapids flowing through an broken dam, a series of visions sped through the russet wolf's mind for all his phased brothers to see.

_Jake was barefoot and bare-chested, walking through an unfamiliar house. He felt happy, almost deliriously so. He found his way easily to the kitchen where a woman with brown hair tied up in a messy bun was humming an old Quileute lullaby that he recognised. Balanced on her hip was a chubby baby who was gnawing on his fist while he hungrily watched his mother prepare his breakfast one-handed. Jake leaned against the door frame to watch them, love and joy beginning at his heart and extending to the roots of his hair and the tips of his toes. Sensing him there, she turned to face him, and the love that radiated from those beautiful eyes that he knew so well almost brought him to his knees._

_Billy, crying over Jake's broken body after the newborn fight, and calling on Sarah for guidance._

_Sam, worrying over Emily's scars._

_A non-Quileute native man, ordering **altajajeh. **_

_Bella, chestnut hair tumbling loose around her naked shoulders as she stood, vulnerable and trusting before Jacob under the light of the moon. Her long hair partially covered the exposed swell of her breasts and he reached out to gently sweep it back over her shoulders. She shivered under his touch, her eyes filled with a love and desire that took his breath away. She was there willingly, knowing what was about to happen. She had chosen Jacob, and now the Alpha was going to choose her as his lifelong mate._

_Her skin under his hands was cool, pliable, **human. **Her eyes were the brown he adored as she gazed up into his, acceptance and love mingling together. Her heart was racing and her body was aroused; he could smell it as he stood naked before her. His own need for her was throbbing, demanding. She licked her lips once, and then dropped to her knees. Jake had to brace myself so his own legs didn't buckle as her mouth wrapped around him._

_Jacob, strong and proud, a formidable leader, speaking with the strength of his own convictions to a table of unfamiliar faces._

_Emily's scars._

_Quil's wolf lying on the grass, blood seeping from deep gouges in his shoulder._

_Bella running towards the treaty line, fear etched on her face._

In a confusing mixture of past, present and future, the stricken wolves watched as their leader remembered how Taha Aki had come to him the night after the newborn fight. The reason for their Alpha's certainty that he belonged with Bella unfolded before their eyes, along with the knowledge that she was in dreadful danger.

The forest air resounded with howls as every phased wolf called for the remaining members of their pack to back them up. Bears had somehow invaded La Push undetected, and the Alpha's chosen mate was in danger. Their brother lay wounded in the grass. Their tribe stood on the brink of _altajajeh_, war with another tribe.

Bella's scream echoed through the forest, spurring Jake back to full speed.

Her yell was cut off too soon.

**A/N: I'm on it, I promise! The next chapter should be up within a few days.**


	16. Chapter 15 Fear

Cold.

Hard.

Unyielding.

As consciousness gradually returned to me, I became aware of numerous unpleasant sensations. The rigid, frozen texture under my face made me stiffen as memories of waking up with my head on Edward's arm or chest flooded me. Even through my groggy, thumping head, I knew I didn't want this. Didn't want Edward. Didn't want the cold.

Trying to move away from the stone under my head, I felt nausea roil through my stomach. Bile reached my throat and I trembled under the dull pain that seemed to be constricting my skull and searing into my brain, or so it felt. I braced myself before opening my eyes, certain that light penetrating my irises would worsen the ache in my head.

Darkness.

Tentatively, I reached out a shaking hand to feel around me. I expected to find Edward—or I _hoped _it was Edward, and not some rogue vampire—but all my fingers found was a rocky-feeling ground.

My breathing sounded loud and ragged in my own ears. A small whimper escaped my lips when I reached my hand up to the aching spot on my head, feeling dried blood matted in my hair, and the sting of broken skin on my scalp. Relief pierced through my fear and confusion when I realised I wasn't likely to be in the vicinity of vampires. The blood would have driven all but Carlisle, and possibly Edward, to drain me while I lay there unconscious.

Rising slowly to my feet, I tried to work out what had happened to me, with a view to figuring out where I was. I remembered going to La Push to see Jacob. That girl, Nita. The pack crowding around the garage. Jake choosing to go back in to Nita, instead of staying outside with me. Leaving.

_Quil. Oh my God, Quil._

_The bear. A shifter? It was massive, and too human in the way it had grabbed me and..._

Feeling the bloody lump on my head again, I guessed the bear had struck me to knock me unconscious. From there, I couldn't figure anything else out. My breathing became shallower as I thought about Quil. Easy going, loyal, cheerful Quil...was he alive? Would he be okay? The loss to the pack—to Jacob—would be unthinkable if Quil had been killed.

_Because of me._

Tears, never far away these days, sprang to my eyes and I sank to the hard floor again. What had I done this time? Was the blood of one of the wolves on my hands? How would Jacob cope if he had lost one of his best friends?

_How much more loss could he take?_

Hugging my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and sobbed against my legs. I tried to imagine what Jake would be doing right now. Grieving for Quil? Looking for me? Entertaining Nita?

Through my anguish, I realised that I had no idea where I was. Would Charlie know I was missing by now? Would he have alerted Renee? Would the pack even bother to look for me, after everything I was responsible for? Breaking Jacob, killing Quil...Nita had their undivided attention, apparently.

Sniffing loudly, I rose to my feet again, wiping tears from my cheeks as I tried to squint through the gloom to find some clue as to my whereabouts. My eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness and a couple of shapes close to me drew my attention. I took a few steps to my right, towards the first shape, and groped around it with my fingers. It felt like a piece of furniture, although exactly what was difficult to tell. Confused, I continued to feel around the surface of it. I had assumed I was outdoors somewhere, because of the rocky ground. Why would there be furniture?

My fumbling touch finally felt something like a handle. I pulled on it; a drawer opened easily. Reaching inside, my fingers came into contact with fabric. This was definitely a dresser, containing clothes.

Bewildered, I shut the drawer again and felt along the top of the piece of furniture until I reached its back. My hands found what they were searching for—a solid wall, which the dresser was pushed up against. Turning back towards the other silhouette I had made out against the darkness, I guessed what it was as I walked towards it. This time, my exploring touch found a porcelain bowl and a faucet, which produced cold running water when I turned it. I resisted the temptation to drink some of the cool liquid, uncertain whether it would be clean.

Apparently, I was in a room with a functional sink, and a dresser stocked with clothing. Moving against the wall, I sank down it to the floor again. My head still throbbed, my heart pounded, and my mouth was parched. A violent shiver racked my body, and I realised my extremities were numb with cold and fear.

I could do nothing, but wait.

I had no real indicator of time. When the cold became unbearable, I crossed to the dresser again. Fumbling around in the drawers I found a warm sweater, which, though far too big on me, was at least a source of heat. Searching further, I found socks; after removing my sneakers, I put on two extra pairs. Again, they were huge.

_Probably big enough for one of the wolves._

I began to wander slowly around the room, trying to calm my thoughts enough to think rationally. I had made the comparison with Leah, when Nita came into Newton's store. The bear that had...hurt Quil, was most likely a shape shifter. These clothes probably _did _belong to a shifter, then. Did Jacob know about Nita? I guessed that he did.

It seemed fitting, for him to fall for another shifter. She wasn't just beautiful in the sense that Rosalie had been beautiful; she was captivating, mesmerising even. She had a spark that had drawn Mike to her like a moth to a flame. I had never felt so insignificant than when I was next to her. Was it possible that my Jacob was with her now, oblivious to my disappearance as he grieved for Quil? Was she comforting him?

I paced around the room, tracing the walls with my hand as another thought struck me. _Could he have imprinted on her? _Bile rose in my throat again at the very thought. Nita's exact words had been, _Let's just say, we connected._

Jacob with Nita. Jacob with the..._siren_ that had reduced Mike to an amoeba, and had the entire pack eating from her hand in Jake's garage.

It seemed to make a perfect kind of sense...and it excluded me thoroughly from Jake's life. Two shape shifters would have no need for a clumsy, indecisive human girl around them.

My chest threatened to break wide open as I comprehended that whatever lay in my future now, there would be no sun there. I had been handed a chance at perfect happiness...and I had squandered it. Squandered it for death, as well as for the selfish desire to disregard my family and everyone who loved me.

My thoughts turned to Charlie. Depending on what time it was, he may know that I was missing. He wouldn't worry at first. He would assume I was in town, or working at the store, or in La Push. When it began to grow late, he would begin to make some calls. Was he concerned already?

Time passed. I ascertained that I was in a reasonably large room, which contained the dresser, the sink, and a bucket next to the sink that I had a terrible feeling was to be my bathroom. I found the door, which made my heart leap momentarily. The handle, however, wouldn't budge—I was locked in. Fear came, went, then crashed back in again. I was warm now, but my head ached, my throat felt raspy and dry, and hunger was beginning to gnaw at my stomach.

I guessed a couple of hours had passed since I woke up in this dark room. My eyes were quite accustomed to the darkness, but my straining ears heard nothing at all. I considered yelling for help, but a large part of me dreaded what that might draw the attention of.

I never heard it coming. I was pacing again, passing time by counting my own footsteps around the room. Fourteen along one wall; seventeen along the perpendicular one. I turned to pace the next wall—presumably fourteen again—when the door suddenly flew open behind me. Spinning around to face it, I stumbled back against the wall when I took in the giant silhouette, which was illuminated from behind.

"You're awake."

The voice was gruff, low, and masculine. My captor took two huge strides into the room, stopping abruptly when I whimpered. He lifted one hand, and a beam of light suddenly shot forth, blinding me and causing my forearm to rise involuntarily to shelter my eyes. The light moved, and was set on top of the dresser. Lowering my arm a little, I realised it was an industrial flashlight.

I looked back towards my captor, who was now leaning against the opposite wall, surveying me. Between the illumination coming through the open door and the beam from the flashlight, I could make him out well enough. He was huge, not as tall as Jake but impossibly broader. He looked swarthy, and his face was set in a cold expression as he stared at me.

"Who are you?" My voice was reedy and shaking. I didn't really expect him to tell me his name, but I needed to find out something—_anything_—about what was happening to me.

"You don't need to know that," he told me gruffly. "I know who you are though, Bella. We'll get along just fine if you obey a few simple rules."

"Wh-what rules?"

"Don't cause me any trouble. Don't bother yelling—there's nobody to hear you. I live here alone." He jerked his head upwards. My eyes travelled to the open door, through which I now realised the bottom of a staircase was visible. _I was in a basement._ "This house is isolated from the rest of the town, so nobody will hear you if you scream. I do not intend to hurt you, but if you try to escape, try to draw attention to yourself in any way, or do not do anything I tell you to, I will punish you. Do you understand?"

I nodded, terror spiking through me as I tried not to imagine what punishments this bear of a man might mete out. In the dim light, I thought his face softened a little.

"I have no intention of hurting you," he repeated.

"What do you want from me?" I begged.

My captor sighed heavily before running one behemoth hand through his hair. "There are things you know nothing of..." he began.

"I know you're a shape shifter," I blurted out. His head jerked, shocked. A silence ensued. As the seconds stretched past, I realised I could hear something through the open doorway. It almost sounded like the ticking of a very large clock, although it either wasn't keeping time regularly, or was something other than a timepiece. The _ticks _weren't evenly spaced at all.

"I guess it makes sense that you would know of the pack," he conceded finally. "What makes you think _I'm _a shifter, though? Did he tell you about Nita?"

"Jake?" I asked, bewildered. "No, he didn't," I added, a little bitterly. "I know you're a shifter because you're built like one."

He nodded. "I guess you'll be used to being around us," he concluded. "That might make things easier. You know the sort of strength I'm capable of, the powers that I have?" he demanded. I quickly confirmed that I did. "Good. All going well, we won't see too much of each other, Bella. I'll bring you meals three times a day, and empty the bucket for you every evening. I'll bring you a mattress to sleep on and some blankets. It can get cold down here and obviously, you run at a human temperature. I see you've already found the clothes. If you behave, I might let you come upstairs to shower occasionally. I might even let you eat with me, at the table, but you'll need to prove to me that you won't attempt anything stupid first. Okay?"

I didn't think it was prudent to tell him that the thought of eating with him made me want to vomit. I simply nodded again, but as he turned to leave I realised that I couldn't face being left alone down here.

"What do you want from me?" I begged again.

My captor looked at me hard for a few seconds. "I might tell you about that," he murmured finally. "But not now."

The door shut behind him with an ominous _click_.

* * *

Billy's head was stooped so low between his shoulders that he may have been asleep. In reality, his burdens had simply grown too heavy for him to carry and raising his chin against them felt like a physical impossibility.

Chief Black didn't want to raise his head. His eyes would see the anguished face of his friend, Charlie Swan. They would see the heartbroken visage of his other friend, Old Quil. And by far the worst of all, they would see the shattered, haunted eyes of his only son.

Taking a deep breath, Billy squeezed his eyes shut and sent up a silent prayer to Sarah, begging her to hold his hand now as he faced the three people who were all looking to him for a guidance that he didn't know how to give. Then, with an effort that was almost as supernatural as his son's ability to change physical form at will...Billy Black raised his head.

"Dad." Jake's whisper was frightened and for a moment Billy remembered how he used to cradle the boy in his arms when a bad dream spooked him. It was ridiculous to think he could do the same now, and Jacob had known too much of life's harsh realities to still believe that his dad could chase away all the bogeymen...Yet the memories strengthened Billy. He may not have the answers, but he could still be his son's father. Reaching out to take the young man's overheated hand, Billy looked straight into the confused, frightened, angry depths of Jacob's eyes.

"You have it in you to fight for her, son," he told him firmly. "There _must be _a way to track her. You just need to pull on every resource that you have as Alpha wolf. I don't believe the bears would dare to harm her. They wouldn't risk your wrath coming down on the entire Makah tribe. No, this is not about harming Bella; this is about something else completely."

"What?" Jake asked desperately.

"Not important. Find Bella, _then _worry about what the bears want." Billy raised his free hand in Charlie's direction. He could see that his old friend was about to explode listening to this cryptic exchange, but he needed to get Jacob set on the right path before doing anything else. The boy was exhausted, but time was of the essence. Bella had been missing for over three hours already and the pack had been chasing their own tails trying to find a scent or a track to follow, while attempting to deal with what had happened to Quil.

"I don't know how to find her," Jake whispered. "It's like the bears appeared from nowhere, grabbed her, and disappeared again. We've searched the whole area, dad, over and over!"

"I know that, son, but _you _know there's no way they could have done that. _Think, Jacob!"_

The boy shot to his feet, frustration and fear mingling to exacerbate his temper. His sudden movement sent Charlie Swan finally over the edge. He leaped to his feet moments after Jake did, causing an alarming growl to rumble from the Alpha's chest. Charlie gaped, tried to take a step backwards, and stumbled against his chair before regaining command of himself.

"What. Is. Going. On?" he demanded, rounding on Billy. "I come home from work to find a message from you telling me something's happened to Bella. I get here to be told there's nothing I can do to help my own daughter! Now you're talking about bears and scents, Alpha wolves and following tracks. _Where is Bella?"_

Billy met Charlie's furious gaze squarely. "Charlie, I understand how you're feeling and I will take every last ounce of your anger before the night is through, but please let me speak to Old Quil first. His grandson willingly placed himself in mortal danger this afternoon in an attempt to save Bella."

Charlie had opened his mouth to object, until the last sentence left Billy's mouth. Then, his head snapped around and he really took in the broken look on the other man's face. Sinking back to his seat, Chief Swan nodded for Billy to continue. Jake stopped his furious pacing to pay attention.

"He was a hero," Billy told the older native man gently. Old Quil's eyes sparked with pride, through the heartbreak.

"He was a fool," he muttered, but his tone was unconvincing.

"No, he was a hero," Jake said firmly. "He did it for Bella...for me. He could have swerved defensively away, but if he did that, he left a direct path to Bella open. He knew what he was doing, and he faced it with courage."

Old Quil's eyes swam with tears, and Jacob placed a huge hand briefly on his shoulder, before resuming his pacing again.

"When will we know?" Billy asked. Jake turned to look at Old Quil, needing the answer to this just as much as Quil's family and Claire did. Jacob himself had broken the news to Quil's parents and Claire, tearing himself away from the search for Bella to tell his friend's parents and lover what had happened. He never wanted to do something like that again.

"Sue says the next few hours are critical," Old Quil was saying. "His accelerated healing just isn't kicking in, so his body needs to recover on human terms." Charlie stirred impatiently, causing Billy to glance over at him anxiously, but the Police Chief was used to biding his time while waiting for a confession. A full explanation, he would have—but he was prepared to go through the full fact finding mission first. "The damage to his spine is unknown," Old Quil continued. "The wound to his shoulder and chest is deep. The boy lost a lot of blood, and his shoulder is gaping open. Sue thinks it will be alright eventually, but we won't know about his spine until he can be moved to Forks Hospital." His sad eyes met Charlie Swan's. "I hope his sacrifice was worth it," he said, rather harshly.

Jake's hands twitched by his sides, and he met his father's gaze with an anguished one of his own. He jerked his head towards the cabin door, waiting only for Billy's nod of acknowledgement before tearing outside.

Billy turned to the Chief of Police with a resigned expression on his face.

"Charlie...we need to talk."

The russet wolf sat perfectly still in the middle of the clearing. He found himself coming here regularly, whenever he needed to think. He would sit in the spot where he was first appointed as Alpha, an imaginary canine throne that seemed to somehow help him focus.

His composed stance belied the swirling, tempestuous emotions that swamped him. Fear, anger, hopelessness, heartbreak, worry, confusion, incomprehension...If he opened the door, they would cripple him. Instead, the majestic animal focussed on only one thing.

_Bella._

He had been too late. By the time he reached the broken truck and equally broken chocolate wolf, she was already gone. Precious, crucial minutes were lost in attending to Quil, who was breathing, but only barely. By the time the rest of the pack arrived and the hunt for Bella could really get underway, there was nothing to follow. Bear scents seemed to cross and confuse each other. Jake detected three distinct scents, but two seemed oddly similar. Tracks in the mud were lost on the paved road, and disappeared entirely. Jake guessed a car had been waiting to load Bella into. He could also guess where she had been taken—the general vicinity of Neah Bay.

Sam had stopped him from charging straight there. His vision of _altajajeh_—war between tribes—had the rest of the pack seriously spooked. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Alpha of one pack barrelling in to accuse another pack of abducting his chosen mate, was enough to spark an all out war.

The russet wolf pawed at the ground, his agitation finally breaking through his outward composure. Every fibre of his being longed to go to the Makah tribe and seek vengeance until Bella was returned to him. His head understood the folly; his heart and soul wanted to overrule logic. Tormented, he sat in his position in the clearing and futilely tried to think like the Alpha he was supposed to be. His father had told him that there must be a way to track the girl he loved.

_Think, Jacob!_

It happened very suddenly. A subtle shift in the direction the wind was blowing, and the massive russet beast was on his feet and tearing through his territory to get to the invader.

The bear was fast, but she was no match for the enraged wolf. He had the advantage in every way. He was Alpha; he was fuelled by a desperate fear; and these were his lands, lands he had patrolled and hunted on for months, now.

He caught up with her quicker than she would have imagined possible. Launching himself at her, claws extended and a dark snarl ripping from his throat, he brought her to the ground with little effort and no regard for her physical safety. Sharp fangs bit deeply into her haunch, a small repayment for some of the damage inflicted on Quil four hours earlier.

Knowing that speech was going to be her only salvation now, the bear phased into her human form. Jacob followed suit, hauling the girl to her feet and slamming her roughly against the nearest tree. Neither man nor girl gave any thought to their nudity, so accustomed were they to the nature of shifting. There was nothing but hard, determined fire in the Alpha's eyes when he snarled in the girl's face.

"Where. Is. She?"

**A/N: I would like to take this opportunity to wish everybody a wonderful, peaceful Christmas. Whether you're surrounded by noisy and boisterous loved ones, or celebrating quieter style, I truly hope it's everything you could wish for. **


	17. Chapter 16 Nita Talks

**A/N: Many thanks to everyone for the Christmas wishes. I had a lovely time with family, and am gearing up to do it all again for a good ol' fashioned Scottish Hogmanay ;)**

"Let her go, Jacob!"

Jacob knew Nita was approaching before she spoke. Her scent had reached him in the same instant that he slammed the other female bear against the tree, but he was only barely in control. He was prepared to fight against them both, if he had to.

"Jacob." Nita's voice was softer, her footfall slower, as she closed the distance between them. "Hannah is not your enemy. She's nothing but a low ranking member of our sloth. Let her go. Face me."

Jake looked closely at the girl he had, pinned and terrified, against the tree. Her eyes were dilated in fear, her breathing shallow, and her head shaking furiously in an uncoordinated denial.

"I don't know anything," she stammered.

Jake let her go. He watched as she shifted into her bear, looking to Nita for instruction.

"Go home. Tell my dad what's happened. Don't come back here!"

Hannah didn't need to be told twice. Nita and Jake faced one another. The former looked apprehensive, but her shoulders were squared and her jaw set; the latter looked only murderous.

"Tell me where Bella is, and how long it will be until I have her back here," he hissed, taking one menacing step closer to the she-bear.

"You need to calm down, Jacob."

"I don't want to hear anything else other than _where Bella is!_"

Nita's eyes swept over his naked form. His shoulders were hunched, his fists clenched tightly by his sides, and one leg was behind the other with his knees slightly bent. His entire body was tensed and ready to attack. Taking a deep breath, she summoned her courage before choosing her first words carefully.

"She will not be harmed, Jacob. Are we clear on that? Bella is safe." Nita waited until the Alpha nodded tersely, before continuing. "This wasn't our plan. Bella wasn't supposed to be taken. I don't know where she is."

Jake erupted. One fist swung straight past Nita's head, landing a cracking blow to the tree trunk behind her. The she-bear scarcely flinched, even when his fist pulled back again, then manacled around her upper arm.

"You'd better start fuckin' talkin'," he threatened her.

"I'll tell you what I can," she assured him quickly. Carefully, she manoeuvred her arm slightly to ease his grip. Jake frowned, then let her go and quickly grabbed his shorts from around his ankle. Hurriedly putting them on, he straightened up, and crossed his arms over his chest to glare at the woman in front of him.

"Talk."

"Bella is safe. I give you my word on that. The sloth is all too afraid of you to risk harming your mate." Nita sank heavily onto the mossy ground, gesturing for Jacob to follow suit. He shook his head mutinously.

"This isn't a fuckin' coffee break," he snapped. "Keep talking."

"I don't know where to start—or what you already know." Nita thought for a moment. "Have you heard of the theory that there can be only one shifting tribe?"

"No. Tell me if it's relevant to Bella."

"We have a series of prophesies in our tribe," Nita explained. "We take them very seriously. One of them states that only one shifting tribe will ever endure. If another tribe begins to shift, one will ultimately perish. Obviously, my people would prefer it if that wasn't us."

"That's stupid," Jake said rudely. "Why can't bears live up in Neah Bay and wolves stay down here in La Push?"

"One of my ancestors claimed to have the power to see key events in our future. He swore that one of _his _ancestors came to him in dreams, and showed him things that hadn't yet happened." She pulled a face, apparently misinterpreting Jacob's disbelief. "I know, it sounds completely crazy, but honestly, some of what he predicted has been uncannily accurate. He foretold of a rival tribe with a formidable leader whose spirit warriors also possessed the ability to shift into an animal form. This tribe would threaten our existence. We take that prophesy very seriously, Jacob. The Quileutes are the only other tribe we know of with the shifting gene, so the sloth has been watching your people for generations."

"Generations?" Jake interrupted, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes," Nita confirmed. "I know it sounds crazy, but Nanuk has been accurate many times in the past."

"So you watched my great grandfather's pack?"

"Not me personally," Nita answered wryly. "But yes, we kept a close eye on them. The leader, though—Ephraim—was not considered to be a threat."

"Why not?"

"He made a pact with his natural enemy. Those were not the actions of a man my ancestors thought they needed to fear. They thought he was ridiculous, actually," she admitted.

"Might not be the only ones to think that," Jake commented. "Alright, so Ephraim was let off the hook. What's happening now?"

"We're afraid of you," Nita stated bluntly. "You fit the description for the leader that Nanuk prophesied. That means we want to defend ourselves against you. Hence the surveillance work."

"I'll come back to that. So you thought kidnapping Bella would be a good way to _defend yourselves _against me?"

"No!" Nita denied vehemently. "That was never supposed to happen, Jacob. The plan was mine, and it was a _good _one. We would threaten Bella, tell you that she would come to no harm so long as we remained on friendly terms. Any attempt from you to invade or attack our people, and Bella's life would be under threat. I've felt how much you love her. You would never run the risk to her, and we could all peacefully co-exist."

"And why _exactly _would you think that I planned on invading or attacking your people?" Jake demanded. "Your people weren't even on my radar until your dad summoned mine to Neah Bay on some trumped up retribution claim."

"Because of the prophesy!" Nita insisted. "I know it sounds absurd, but Nanuk has been right many times before!"

"Uh-huh. And did Nanuk say anything about your own idiocy sparking my desire to invade and attack? Did it ever occur to you that threatening Bella was the _one _thing that would make me angry enough to come after your people?" Jake watched the blood drain from Nita's face as his words sank in. "Now...tell me how to find her."

"You need to give me time."

"No."

"Jacob...I know one of the sloth took her, and I know he probably wasn't working alone. What I _don't _know is exactly who it was. I need to find that out before I can guess at where she is."

"Explain that to me, Nita, cos I ain't getting it. If one of my pack were ever to abduct somebody, I would be able to smell which one it was, and believe me they couldn't hide it from me when we phased together. Why can't you just sniff around, figure out which one of your brothers has Bella, and order him to tell you where she is?!" Jake's fists were clenched again as he attempted to bite back his impatience.

"We don't work the same way your pack does," Nita protested. "You work cooperatively together. We don't. That's why I was supposed to come here today, remember? To try and get some ideas from you about how to improve the way the sloth work together."

"You don't work well together, I get it—but why can't you just track them, Nita? And for that matter, why can't _I _fuckin' track them, and how come you can all march onto _my _territory undetected?" The Alpha's temper rose a little further with every word. Nita rose to her feet, wary of his anger.

"We have defences," she told him evenly.

"What kind of defences?" he fired back.

"We're all different, but some of the sloth can camouflage themselves—everything, their scent, their bodies. It's not a complete camouflage for any of them, but evidently enough to confound you and your wolves."

"Show me," Jacob demanded, clearly disturbed by this news.

"I can't. I don't have the ability."

"Convenient," he sneered, but despite his tendency not to believe such a trait was possible in shape shifters, Jake acknowledged that it made sense. Bears had been on his territory undetected—a fact that made him mad as hell. He also had to admit that the attack on Quil and Bella had taken him completely by surprise, and nine wolves had failed to find a trail to follow. "So whichever one of your sloth took Bella has the ability to camouflage themselves. How many does that narrow it down to?"

Nita hesitated for the first time. Jake understood—he was asking her to reveal tribal secrets, and if the roles were reversed, he would refuse to answer. Unfortunately for Nita, Quil was quite possibly dying, or permanently maimed, and Bella was missing. Jacob Black was in no mood to play games. Stepping closer to Nita, he unexpectedly wound one huge hand around her neck and applied just enough pressure to restrict her air supply. He saw her eyes widen as she, presumably, read his emotions...which were dark enough to kill.

"Jacob!" she choked.

"How. Many. Suspects?"

"Four, excluding Hannah."

Jake released her immediately, shaking his hand out as though uncertain whether it belonged to him. There would be time to process what he had just done later. For now, the clock was still ticking.

"I want names, and I wanna know how to find them."

"What are you going to do?" Nita's voice sounded a little raspy.

"What do you think I'm going to do? I'm gonna get Bella back!"

"Jacob, please listen to me for a minute! I know you want her back, and believe me that's what I want, too. But you can't go storming into Neah Bay throwing your muscle and your Alpha status about! You'll do more harm than good. Let me handle this!"

Jake observed Nita for a moment, his brow furrowed while he thought. As much as his instincts were telling him to charge in like the cavalry and rescue his Bells, he couldn't risk inflaming the situation further by being bull-headed.

"You're the Chief's daughter, right? That must make you Alpha, or whatever a bear leader is. So you can order whoever has Bella to hand her over."

"You need to stop thinking of us in terms of your pack. The only thing we have in common is that we can change our shapes. The sloth does not work the same way that your pack does, Jacob! Bears are solitary animals. We're unsociable, and we don't work well together as a team. You just need to look at what's happened here today to see that!" Nita leaned back against the nearest tree's trunk, and sighed. "Today was _not _supposed to go down like this. It wouldn't have gone down like this, if we worked in synchrony, like your pack." Nita thumped her hand against the tree bark in frustration. "I'm not the leader. Technically, we don't _have _a leader..."

"Technically?" Jake's voice was harsh. He was getting fed up with not being given anything concrete to work with. Worry for Quil mingled with his fear for Bella, both gnawing in the pit of his stomach and increasing his impatience.

"We don't have an absolute leader that we rely on for guidance. For the most part, we operate as loners. Antony has been phasing the longest, and the younger bears rely on him as a kind of mentor. Isi is probably the closest we have to an unofficial leader though."

"Can they help us out here? Do you think either of them were the ones to take Bella?" Jake asked. He shifted his weight impatiently, desperate for _something _to work with. Nita hesitated again; Jake met her gaze—more uncertain than he had ever seen before—with a steely one of his own. He flexed his hand, a reminder of what he could do to her.

"They can both camouflage themselves," she said finally.

"Most likely to do it?" he persisted.

"Either," she acknowledged with a whisper. Jake took a step backwards, nodding in satisfaction. "Please leave it to me, Jacob," Nita pleaded. "I can speak to them both, see what answers I can get from them. They'll talk to me without any aggression. If you go in, they'll shut down and get defensive."

Jake turned away from her, running a hand through his hair as he tried to think it through clearly. Waiting around for a girl he didn't trust to help him find Bella went against the grain. On the other hand, he would be needed in La Push over the next few days. Quil's family and Claire would look to him for support; the pack was in shock and needed his leadership; he needed his father's advice on how to handle the council and the tribe in the aftermath of the day's events.

Turning back to Nita, his gaze steely, he asked the most important question. "Bella is definitely safe from harm?"

"I guarantee it, Jacob. If I'm wrong, you can take my life. There is no way any of the bears will risk your wrath by harming her."

"Why take her in the first place then?"

Nita hesitated again, but only briefly. She knew Jacob would be answered, one way or another. "When we came up with the plan to threaten Bella to ensure your cooperation, some of the sloth talked about abducting her to make you see that we _could_. They thought it would work better at intimidating you enough to guarantee you wouldn't attack us. I thought I'd talked them out of it. I told them it would anger you too much. Obviously, they didn't listen as well as I thought they had."

"And during this talk, there was no mention of hurting her? Roughing her up a bit?" Jake's voice was rough and his eyes blazed with anger.

"None," Nita said firmly. "Taking Bella for a few hours and returning her unharmed is one thing—it proves that we have the ability to whisk her away from under your nose. Actually _harming _her would provoke you. I've already said it—we're too afraid of you to do that."

"I'm going to trust you," Jacob said finally. His tone, his face, the slightly defeated slump of his shoulders, all clearly stated that he would rather cut off his own arm. "Only because I'm needed here now. I want you to get back to Neah Bay and find Bella. Three of my wolves will be shadowing you and yes, they will cross into your territory. They won't stray too close to the reservation, but they will be keeping an eye on you. If they get a scent of Bella, or something to track, they will go immediately after her and you'd better tell whatever bear has her to get the fuck outta there before they reach her. You stay in constant contact with me yourself, and I'll be in constant contact with my brothers, too. And if one hair on Bella's head is harmed, I _will _take your life, Nita...and not only yours, but that of every member of your sloth until only one shifting tribe _does _prevail. Do you understand that?"

"Perfectly."

"Go."

Jake took a few steps away from Nita, but she had something else to tell him first.

"She loves you, you know. Absolutely adores you, actually."

Jacob turned slowly back to look at her. "And you would know that, how?"

"I met her today." Jacob opened his mouth to question her, but she held one hand up to silence him. "I'd felt the strength of _your _love for Bella, but I wanted to know the strength of hers for you. Just so as we know what we're dealing with." Her tone was almost apologetic. "She's confused, and I think she's in some kind of denial, but she's wavering on that. She was so mad and upset when she thought you might be involved with me." Nita grinned, unabashed by the furrow on Jake's brow. "Don't doubt how she feels for you. She _will _be yours."

With that, Nita turned and raced through the trees, stripping and phasing as she went. She heard Jake's murmur behind her.

"I know."

Charlie Swan hadn't allowed himself the luxury of shock, or anger, or anything else. There would be time for recriminations and accusations, disbelief and fear another day. For now, his daughter was missing, and his human cop powers were going to fall far short in helping to get her back.

He sat forward in his chair, his hands dangling between his knees and one foot tapping impatiently while Billy waited for his call to be answered. It was the first thing Charlie had demanded when the tribal Chief finished his incredible tale of cold ones and shape shifters, wolves and bears. Billy wondered why he hadn't thought of it already, but then again, it was Charlie who was the cop.

Chief Don was busy in his garden when the phone rang. He hurried to wipe his hands on an old rag, and rushed indoors to answer the phone on its ninth ring. He later wished he hadn't bothered.

Billy's mood was foul. His day had started well enough, but in the past four hours, the love of his son's life—who also happened to be his best friend's daughter—had been abducted; one of the tribal boys had been mauled by a bear; he'd had to deal with Quil's family's grief; and he'd been forced to admit to the friend he treasured above all others, that he'd lied to him for years, watched his daughter rush headlong into danger, and kept deadly secrets from him.

This was not a good day.

Barking down the phone in a manner that would have made the wolves proud, he informed Chief Don that his daughter's sloth was responsible for the abduction of the Alpha wolf's chosen mate, and if steps were not taken to return Bella immediately, Billy would be unable to control the consequences.

Chief Don's voice trembled when he responded. Nita would have no part in any such plan, he assured Chief Billy, nor had he any knowledge of it himself. For the first time, Billy was made aware that things were very different in the Makah tribe. The bears, it seemed, ruled Neah Bay. They answered to no one but their individual selves. Chief Don had no authority, nor had the Elders or the council. If one of the bears had abducted Bella, he or she had probably acted alone. Ferreting out which bear was responsible, and returning the girl to her home, would be a matter which Chief Don would take extremely seriously...

...But no guarantees could be given.

As night fell, the wolves' baleful howls never seemed to let up. The tribal folk frequently peered out their windows, wondering why the familiar sounds of the surrounding forest were different that night. They were used to the howling and barking of wolves at regular intervals throughout the day and night. It was a sound the tribes people had grown accustomed to hearing over the past couple of years.

That night, though, something was different. The howls had a distinct sadness to them; the yips sounded distressed. Even the oblivious humans understood that it was a terrible night for the local wolf pack.

Quil's situation had deteriorated. His heart was beating erratically and he continued to lose blood. Sue had been forced to take samples of all the wolves' blood in an attempt to find a match for him. Seth brought her to Forks Hospital, where they would try to analyse the samples undetected. They didn't know whether a normal blood transfusion would help a young man with shifting genes, or whether his supernatural system was incompatible with human blood.

Jared, Paul and Sam were in Neah Bay, closer to the reservation than any of them were comfortable with. They couldn't tell how close the bears were, camouflaged as some of the sloth were. Still, they sensed the tension in the atmosphere around them. Paul's hackles were permanently raised, a low growl emitted through bared teeth on an almost continual basis.

There was no sign of Bella. Nita had arrived on the Makah reservation two hours earlier, and was making her way around the homes of all the bears. So far, she had learned nothing.

Jacob alternated between searing, white-hot rage, and despairing futility. His love was alone, frightened, and threatened by an entity he did not understand. His best friend lay dying, and there was nothing he could do to help.

Around midnight, the Alpha wolf was lying in the clearing, on the spot he now thought of as his own. He was phased to stay connected with his wolves on Makah territory. Sam thought he caught a trace of Bella's scent, which sent all the wolves' blood coursing faster through their veins. Jake rose to his mighty paws, whiskers quivering eagerly as Sam took off with Paul and Jared on his tail.

The scent was lost again, almost as soon as it had been detected. On Quileute land, the russet wolf sat back on his haunches and raised his muzzle to the sky. Then, he bellowed a howl that was filled with agony and desolation.

Several of the Quileute people were awakened from their slumber by that howl. It haunted their dreams for the rest of the night.

**A/N: Happy New Year to you all!**


	18. Chapter 17 Existing

**A/N: Okay, it's been far too long between posting the last chapter and this update. I'm going to ask everyone to bear with me for a while. My children's school is under threat of closure and I'm fighting to save it...although it all looks pretty grim at the moment. This chapter was actually written a while ago but I've only just had the time to sit down and edit it. The next one is also written, but I'm needing to tweak it a lot. D-day for the first phase of the fight to save the school is Friday, so this week is probably out! I'll get onto it as soon as I can. Meantime, I hope you enjoy this one!**

I lay on the mattress my captor had brought, staring into the darkness. There was nothing else to do. I had been brought a decent meal along with the mattress, but then I'd been left alone again. When the beam from the flashlight began to waver, I switched it off immediately, preserving battery life for when I really might need it.

Hours passed. I had no idea how many. It may have been the dead of night, or the middle of the day. With no concept of how long I'd been unconscious for, there was no way to guess at the hour, or even the day of the week. All I could do was think. My captor had promised not to hurt me—a comforting thought, but not one that I found myself able to trust. My heightened state of fear subsided eventually, unsustainable for hours at a time when there was no fresh catalyst to fuel it. I was cut off from all stimuli—visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory...There was nothing surrounding me but the darkness.

Somehow, everything seemed reduced, in this state. My mind somehow tunnelled in on itself, seeing clearly the things that were important to me. Without distractions, and aided by the fear of not knowing if I would ever again see those people I loved, I began to understand _just how much _I loved them. Charlie, Renée, Phil, Billy...and Jacob. My Jacob.

_Not my Jacob anymore._

More time passed; Jacob consumed my mind. Cut off from the outside world and unable to do anything but simply _exist_, I gradually reached an understanding of what I should have already known. I wondered if he would ever know. Would I ever have the chance to tell him? _You were right all along. I belong with you. _Even if I was too late, I wanted him to know anyway.

"I love you, Jacob."

I said it aloud, to try the words out, to see how they sounded when spoken. They had an almost tangible presence in my room of captivity. There was an honesty, a sincere truth to them; a truth which was profound despite its simplicity. I rolled onto my side on the mattress, allowing the regrets to wash over me.

What of Edward and his family? I loved them still...but somehow, here in the darkness, where nothing else mattered but simply existing, I finally understood that my love for them was different. The all-consuming nature of it was...not right. My obsessive musings before learning Edward's secret, my dependency on him and the rest of the Cullens, my depression after they left, my eagerness to welcome them all back in my life again...The more I mused, the plainer the truth became. It was a supernatural pull, not a human love.

"_I am the world's best predator. Everything about me invites you in."_

There were no feverish cravings for Jacob; no crippling physical agony without him. Instead, there was a quiet love, honest and pure, but burning no less brightly.

I groaned as the truth of my feelings unfolded, in that dark, confined space. The notion came to me again, that nothing else mattered here but _existing. _My thoughts spun off once more. I'd once believed I needed Edward to exist, when all along it was Jacob I needed to exist.

I sat up slowly on the mattress. _That wasn't right. _I missed Jacob; missed him terribly when I wasn't with him. It upset me when he wasn't happy with me. I felt better, whole, complete, when I was with him. But I didn't need him for my own existence.

I needed...me.

A small laugh escaped my lips at that epiphany. I'd spent so long looking for emotional props that I hadn't realised I didn't need a crutch to enable me to stand on my own two feet. I could do that all by myself.

I was me. I was Bella Swan, a whole and complete person in my own right. I loved Jacob, loved him with all my heart, but I could survive without him. I could even let him go, if it was the best thing for him...if he was happy with somebody else.

And right there, in that little dark room that may or may not be the last place I ever lay down to sleep, I finally found myself.

* * *

"You need to sleep, son."

Billy looked in deep concern at Jacob's haggard face. The boy wiped a slightly shaking hand over his eyes, which were pitted into his features and surrounded by dark, exhausted bruises.

"I can't rest, dad. Not when Bella's still missing and Quil..." His voice trailed off to a strangled choke, and he swallowed the lump that seemed permanently lodged in his throat.

Quil, who had inexplicably phased back to human form several hours after losing consciousness, was now in Forks Hospital. There had been no other option. A story was concocted involving a bear attack and a tree—it was close enough to the truth—and the Chief of Police himself had corroborated it. If any of Quil's extensive medical tests had shown up a genetic anomaly, the hospital staff gave no indication of it. Instead, they admitted him to intensive care, X-rayed his spine, and began pushing blood into his depleted veins.

Claire never left his side; nor did his mother. There was a constant pack presence in and around the hospital, and every last syllable uttered by a doctor, nurse or orderly in relation to Quil, was relayed at supernatural speed back to La Push. So far, nothing other than the grave severity of his injuries had been heard. Jake had spoken to Nita by phone several times during the course of the night, and on two separate occasions had stopped himself on the brink of asking why the wolves didn't heal against bear injuries. If the sloth were unaware of that fact, it wasn't going to be the Alpha who enlightened them.

The mark on Jacob's shoulder which Nita had left was healing, but at a very human pace. Assuming Quil healed at the same rate, his recovery was going to be a long, slow haul. Echoing through the pack mind was always the same thought.

_If he recovers._

The entire pack was subdued and needed reassurance. Jake dealt with their fears as best he could; but in addition to the situation with Quil, thoughts of _Bella _were a constant presence in his mind.

She had been missing now for almost an entire day. Nita seemed to be drawing blank after blank as she attempted to glean information from the bears. Jake would have doubted her integrity, but Paul was mad as hell over Quil, and he was making it his business to worry the rival shifters by straying ever closer to their reservation. Camouflaged or not, it seemed that the taciturn bears preferred to live on the outskirts of the small town, meaning that Paul could actually overhear some of Nita's conversations. She was pleading with the bears to tell her what they knew. They all refused to admit to knowing anything.

At least one of them must be lying.

More hours passed. Quil's blood supply was replenished with no apparent adverse effects. He was deemed stable, and surgery was performed on the deep wound in his shoulder. The wolves were slightly heartened by this news, but with an X-ray showing fractures to his spine, their anxiety could not entirely dissipate. The doctor was non-committal as to the prognosis or precise effects of these fractures.

While monitoring the information coming out of the hospital about Quil, Jake tried not to imagine the different ways a bear shifter could harm Bella. Unbidden, images kept popping into his mind. He knew his feverish exhaustion was at least partly to blame, but how could he rest when Quil and Bella might need him at any moment?

He wasn't the only one not resting. Charlie had gone into the station, declared his daughter missing, and set a task force to work. He even contacted the local police department at Neah Bay, fabricating a reason to believe Bella may be there. As she was over eighteen, it was only professional favours and respect that gained him any amount of help. He knew it was probably a fruitless exercise—a waste of police resources, even—but he couldn't sit back and wait for others to find his daughter. If a Police Chief couldn't pull rank to help his own offspring, when could he?

Still more hours passed. Jacob, phased and in the clearing once more, finally succumbed to exhaustion and curled up to sleep for the first time in almost forty eight hours. Nita also gave up, returning to her father's home for a square meal and a good night's sleep.

Day broke over the second morning since Bella's abduction.

* * *

I was sleeping deeply when the door clanged open, startling me awake. I had been dreaming of a forest and a boy with beautiful copper coloured skin whose smile warmed my soul. I felt peaceful when my captor came unceremoniously into the room, carrying a tray of breakfast items. This was the second breakfast he had brought me. I guessed that meant it was Thursday morning. Having some indication of the time made me feel absurdly a little more in control.

The swarthy bear of a man observed me from under slightly hooded lids. I sat cross-legged on the mattress and waited calmly. He seemed undecided about something, but when he did eventually speak, his voice was confident enough.

"When you've finished eating that, bang on the door. I'll bring you upstairs and you can use the shower. I have another problem to deal with and you might be able to help."

With that, he turned and abruptly exited the room, slamming the door behind him and leaving me feeling quite bewildered. I had no idea how I could conceivably help a bear shifter, but at the same time, it was obviously a good idea to simply do as I was bid. I finished breakfast, collected clean clothing from the dresser, thumped on the door as instructed, and waited for it to open.

I didn't have to wait long. My captor let the door swing open, jerked his head for me to follow him, and took the stairs three at a time while I slowly ascended behind him. My legs had not been exercised for two days, other than short walks around the room; it felt a little strange to be climbing, and my eyes squinted against the daylight as it grew brighter with each passing step.

My captor stopped at the top of the stairs, and turned towards me. I paused where I was, nervous of this huge man. He looked apologetic; even a little bashful.

"I'll need to stay right outside the bathroom while you shower," he informed me. He glanced towards a window, muttering something that sounded like _damn wolves. _My heart lurched, turning his attention back to me again. "Go and shower," he barked. "Don't take too long. We'll talk afterwards." He looked me up and down, wrinkling his nose slightly as he did so. I guessed I smelled too offensive for him to talk with at present.

I sidled past him to the door he pointed out to me, and found myself in a large, airy bathroom. I gratefully switched on the enormous shower, set the water to hot, and began to undress...trying to ignore the fact that a man with supernatural senses was right outside the door, but focussing instead on the fact that I was about to have my first shower in three days. Under normal circumstances, luxuriating under the hot stream of water would have been my biggest priority; instead, I rushed to clean myself with the limited range of male products available to me, and got dried and dressed as quickly as possible.

Towel drying my hair, I sat on the edge of the bath, reluctant suddenly to leave the room. What did my captor want with me? Could I learn anything about him, here in his bathroom? The thought of rummaging through his cupboards occurred to me, but was instantly disregarded—he was a shifter, with supernatural hearing. Settling for looking around, I found nothing of any significance. This was a perfectly ordinary bathroom. There were no windows, either...not that climbing out of one and making a run for it was remotely an option.

Finally, with no other choices available, I emerged from the sanctuary of the restroom. My captor was leaning against the opposite wall. He cleared his throat when I appeared, and jerked his head to his left.

"We'll talk in there."

Following his gaze, I saw a large, spacious sunroom. If I'd had any hopes of seeing daylight, they were dashed by the curtains that were drawn across every huge window. Nervously making my way to an armchair, my attention was drawn by the _ticking _I'd noticed before when the basement door was open. It sounded as though it was coming from outside the house. Sounding a lot like a huge clock, the ticks were nonetheless erratic; some were less than a second apart while others seemed to skip a beat.

My captor took a seat on the massive couch opposite the chair I'd settled in, and surveyed me sombrely from behind steepled fingers.

"Things have not gone according to plan," he announced at length. I simply waited for him to elaborate, far too afraid of this man to risk angering or displeasing him by saying the wrong thing. I thought back to my calming dream, and tried to relax while I waited. He laid one hand on the arm of the couch and began to drum his fingers against the leather upholstery. "The wolf I swiped at has sustained life-threatening injuries..."

"Quil's still alive?" I gasped out, leaning automatically forward in my chair, my fingers tightly clenching the front of the seat.

"Yes, he is. He's in hospital. He lost a lot of blood, and his spine has been damaged."

"But that's okay, right? I mean, his wolf healing will make him alright again." I froze when I saw the slightly puzzled look on my captor's face. _He was a shape shifter too; surely he would know about the healing abilities?_

"He's in the hospital in Forks," my captor said slowly, while watching me intently. "He's turned a corner, but his body has been badly damaged."

"Oh." My mind raced as I tried to work out how to react to this news. Quil's wolf healing wasn't helping him recover, and it seemed as though my captor wasn't aware that it should.

"What did you mean by _wolf healing_?" he asked me outright.

Improvising quickly, I prayed my months of covering for Edward's true nature had improved my ability to lie. "I—I saw Jake cut his paw once while we were out in the forest. When he shifted back to human, the cut didn't look as bad as I thought it should. I kind of assumed that meant any injuries his wolf had, wouldn't affect him as much in his human form."

My abductor looked at me doubtfully, but finally shrugged as though dismissing me as an idiotic girl. "That would be useful," he smirked—the first glimmer of humour I'd seen. "But unfortunately, not very likely. As I was saying, the wolf I swiped is more severely injured than I intended. This has aggravated the Alpha of the pack." My heart lurched at this unexpected mention of Jake, causing my captor to look at me closely. "Obviously, he's furious over your disappearance too. This means that my own situation has become dangerous. With everyone looking for you and angry over the injured wolf, I cannot reveal myself. I can't just let you walk out of here and go home, as I'd planned to do."

I frowned, uncertain about his train of thought. Wouldn't it be better to let me go? Jake would be devastated about Quil, of course, but now that he was with Nita and we were no longer such close friends, I wasn't convinced about his fury over my disappearance. I was inclined to think that my absence might be an irritation to Jacob, who would feel obliged to look for me while wanting to be with _her_.

"If you're worried about Jake's reaction, don't be," I pleaded earnestly. My captor looked at me cynically, and I swallowed hard before mumbling in the general direction of my hands. "He doesn't love me anymore. He's with another woman now."

I didn't expect his reaction. A raucous laugh, which began from his mouth and reached the depths of his belly, boomed through the room. Slightly offended, I looked up at him sharply.

"Okay sweetheart," he managed finally, "I don't know what kind of lover's tiff you two had that led to you driving out of La Push like hell's hounds were behind you, but listen up. The Alpha of the Quileute wolf pack has always been a one-girl-only man. If he was in love with you when he became Alpha, he always will be. End of."

Despite myself, despite the situation I was in, despite my fear and desolation, my curiosity was piqued.

"What?" I blurted out. "What do you mean?"

My captor studied me for a moment, then ran a hand over his eyes and sighed. "I guess it wouldn't do any harm, if it helps you get through this. I really am sorry about all this, you know." He looked at me with a pained expression on his face, and I found myself almost believing him. "The Quileute Alpha chooses his mate, usually before becoming Alpha. His love for her is absolute, and has never been known to waver. So whatever happened before I took you the other day, don't worry about it."

As he spoke, I felt hope stirring in my heart. Jacob's love for me had always seemed to be absolute and unwavering. It was only since that dreadful day of the newborn fight that his attitude towards me had altered. My captor was still speaking though, and I knew it was important to pay attention. I would have ample time to think through it all later, when I was alone again in my dark prison.

"You're a very typical Alpha's mate," he was saying. "You're quiet, but I'm not fooled. I know I need to watch you. You're stronger than steel, and you're fiercely loyal to your pack. Don't think you can make me trust you by being co-operative."

Under different circumstances, I would have snorted my mirth. _Quiet _was the only description he'd got right. The idea that I was strong and somehow able to fool him was ludicrous. I mulled momentarily over the notion that I was fiercely loyal to the pack—_my_ pack, he'd said; but I dismissed it and filed it away for further thought later, in my dungeon.

"What can I help you with?" I asked politely. "You said you had a problem I might be able to assist with."

My captor cleared his throat, glancing towards the window. "We've got company," he began to explain. "Your Alpha's sent three of his wolves to look for you."

I frowned, confused. "If he did, they would have found me by now," I stated confidently. "They're _good_." I couldn't keep the pride from my voice at the thought of the brave, noble wolves.

"They can't, we've confounded them," I was told bluntly. "I camouflaged your scent on the way in. They won't find you unless I want them to. They're annoyingly persistent, though."

A voice echoed in my mind, distracting me and making me lose my concentration. _As long as you like me the best. And you think I'm good looking—sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent._

Of course I liked him the best. And dear Lord, good looking didn't even begin to cover it. As for his persistence...without it, I would have become lost inside myself, possibly irreversibly. Looking at my captor, I tilted my chin as I responded to him.

"They will be annoyingly persistent until they find me. Jake will _never _stop searching." I didn't pause to analyse my sudden conviction—again, it would be something to mull over later.

"That's what I need your help with," he told me immediately. "I want to set a false trail for them, to lead them away from here. Then, when they're a safe distance away, I can let you go. I'll need something you've worn to lay your scent."

"And then you'll let me go?" I checked.

"As soon as the wolves are far enough away," he confirmed.

"I'll do it."

"Good. Give me the clothes you were wearing before your shower. All going well, I should be able to let you go tonight."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, I was back in my dungeon, sitting very still on the mattress as I attempted to process everything I had just learned. If my captor could successfully lay a false trail to lead the wolves away from our vicinity, I could be home within twenty four hours. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about getting back to Forks. As soon as one of the pack realised where I really was, Jake would order them to bring me home.

_Jake._

He loved me. His love for me was absolute and unwavering. I wasn't sure how trustworthy my captor was, but he had seemed sincere when he was talking about the Alpha's love. More than that though, it just rang true.

I loved Jacob. He loved me.

A trail would be set, leading the wolves away from this place, and I would be reunited with my Jake.

_No._

The thought came from nowhere. It just popped into my mind with a conviction that shocked me.

Of course I wanted to go home. Of course I wanted to see Jacob, to tell him I loved him, dear Lord to _kiss _him and feel his arms around me again. My own arms wound around my chest, not to hold myself together, but in a poor imitation of Jake's embrace.

_I would not sit idly by while an enemy tricked the wolves. _

How did I even know that it wasn't a double bluff anyway? Was my captor planning to lure the pack somewhere, into an ambush? Or was he hoping to lead them so far away that Jake himself would come and get me, allowing him to attack the rival pack's Alpha?

I leaped to my feet, striding in the darkness across the room to the door. Raising my fist, I began to hammer on it long and hard—something I hadn't done in the two forsaken days I'd spent there. My heart began to race at the thought that I was too late. Would he have left already? I began yelling at the top of my lungs.

"Hey! It won't work! You need to let me talk to you before you go! _It won't work!"_

I was prepared to keep up my pounding and screaming until my hand and throat ached. I didn't have to. The door flew open, making me jump backwards in shock, and my captor strode through it looking the angriest I had seen him.

"I told you _not _to scream," he reminded me darkly.

I was too relieved he hadn't gone to care that he was mad at me. "I had to," I replied glibly. "It won't work. They're not my clothes. I've been wearing them, but they're not _mine_. The scent on them won't be enough. You need something else, something that will convince them it's me they're following."

He stared at me, long and hard. My heart raced and I knew my poker face wasn't good...but for Jacob, for his pack, I needed to pull this off. I maintained eye contact until he spoke again.

"What do you suggest?"

I was ready for the question. My mind flew to my trip up the mountain before the newborn fight, when Jacob carried me to supposed safety. In typical Jake style, he had chattered freely the entire time.

"_The blood trick's a good one. Leave a false trail for the leeches to follow, but be somewhere else. Mind you, they'd have to be stupid to fall for it."_

"_How's that?" I had asked, content in his arms with his husky voice soothing my nerves._

_He snorted. "Seriously, Bells? It's only one step away from putting an arrow up saying, Bella's this way. And obviously you wouldn't be the way the arrow was pointing. So it's clearly a decoy. But then, wolves are smart and bloodsuckers aren't, so I guess we should be okay."_

I met my captor's eyes and responded firmly.

"You need to leave a trail with my blood."


	19. Chapter 18 Squander No More

The three Quileute wolves had been almost forty eight hours on bear territory. Their nerves were shot, their hackles constantly raised, and their tempers stripped. Not one of them questioned their Alpha's premonitions. Bella Swan was their leader's intended mate—apparently, imprint regardless—and she was being held captive by one or more of the Makah bears. It was their duty and their honour to hunt for her and return her home, where she belonged. Past folly and hurts were no longer important. Taha Aki himself had confirmed what Jacob Black already knew, and not one of the wolf pack doubted.

For that reason, Paul, Sam and Jared patrolled the perimeter of Neah Bay over and over again, seeking a trail or a clue to follow. Jared joked they were like Sherlock Holmes; Sam argued they were more like police dogs. Under all their attempts to remain in good spirits, was the nagging worry that their brother would not recover from his wounds, and the increasing likelihood that they would need to return to La Push...without their Alpha's mate.

Paul refused to accept either scenario. The way he saw it, they had all lost too much already. Quil was the only pack member who genuinely enjoyed every aspect of being a wolf, and it was unacceptable to Paul that he would no longer run freely through their lands, pitting his speed against that of his brothers. By the same token, Jacob had lost his mother and, to all intents and purposes, his sisters. He had lost Bella more than once before. It would not now happen again. If sheer will could keep Quil alive and find Bella, Paul was surpassed only by Jacob himself.

As the hours passed, Jacob's need to run to Neah Bay was increasing. Sitting around waiting wasn't what he was cut out for, and his mood deteriorated as each tick of the clock brought no fresh news from either the Makah reservation, or Forks Hospital. Only duty to his family, his pack and his tribe was keeping him from ordering his three wolves home and taking over the hunt for Bella himself.

He remained phased as much as possible, so that he could see and hear every nuance through their minds, though. And so it was that when the sea breeze strengthened, whistled through the trees to the south of Neah Bay, and brought _Bella _to the nostrils of the three waiting wolves, Jacob detected her at the same instant they did. In the smallest fraction of a second, they were running as fast as the wind itself.

**Paul – **_She's bleeding!_

Jacob's snarl resounded through the surrounding forest, so ferociously that Jared wondered whether he really had heard it through the pack mind, or whether it had been loud enough to reach them all the way in Neah Bay. Spurred on, they reached the source in no time, a dot of red on the forest floor. Scarcely pausing to look at it, the wolves charged excitedly after the trail they now knew they were following. The coppery scent of Bella's red plasma was thick in the air; eagerly, the three huge wolves chased it down.

Not one of them expected the sudden fettering command that buckled their knees and forced them to halt.

_**STOP!**_

Whining, Paul struggled back onto his forepaws, his knees literally having given way. Jared lay down and rolled onto his side in protest. Never had an Alpha command been so shockingly absolute, and none of the wolves appreciated having their own lack of volition so forcefully pushed upon them.

**Jacob – **_Sorry. I didn't mean that to be so harsh. That's a false trail. It's leading you __**away **__from Bella._

He replayed the conversation between himself and Bella, the day he'd brought her up the mountain.

"_The blood trick's a good one. Leave a false trail for the leeches to follow, but be somewhere else. Mind you, they'd have to be stupid to fall for it."_

"_How's that?" she had asked, snuggling closer into his chest and making his wolf bow down._

_He snorted. "Seriously, Bells? It's only one step away from putting an arrow up saying, Bella's this way. And obviously you wouldn't be the way the arrow was pointing. So it's clearly a decoy."_

When he gave his final statement, it was laced with pride and triumph.

_She's sending me a message._

**Sam – **_Are you absolutely certain, Jake? I mean, if you're wrong, we're wasting time here._

Jake thought for a moment.

_I'm nearly certain. You're right, though. Okay, split up. Jared and Sam, follow the trail. Paul, keep close to the reservation. I'm on my way to back you up._

The black and brown wolves took off again; the silver returned to his previous position. He watched admiringly as over sixty miles away, his russet leader exploded into action.

He would be there in no time.

I rubbed the mark on my wrist, wondering how long it would take for my captor to leave. In the hour or so since he had cut into my arm with a knife and taken more blood than I considered strictly necessary, my mind had been in feverish overdrive.

Assuming Jacob understood my message—_don't follow the trail, try and find the source_—I needed to somehow find a way to leave a clue for whichever wolf he sent after me. I re-explored every inch of the room I was in, trying to find...I knew not what. Of course, there was nothing to find and no way out. I wondered suddenly how the room received its air; I had been well over two days there, and the air was still fresh enough.

Realising that there must be a vent somewhere, I switched on the flashlight and for the first time, directed it upwards. There, at the top of the wall to the right of the sink, was a grille.

"Nobody will hear me if I yell?" I murmured to myself. My captor had certainly been annoyed when I screamed for him earlier, but he hadn't seemed unduly concerned that I might have been overheard. "He can camouflage my scent, and nobody can hear." I began to pace around the room as I thought. I tilted the light upwards again, but one further look at the vent confirmed that even if I could somehow scale the wall and remove the grille, I wouldn't fit through it.

"C'mon Bella, _think!_"

"_Think, Jacob! Think like the leader you are!"_

Billy's words from three days earlier echoed round and round the Alpha's mind as he raced headlong towards his enemy's territory.

_Where are you, Bella? I know you're not leaving that blood trail. Give me something to work with, honey, and I __**will **__find you._

As I paced frantically around the room, helplessness washed over me. I could think of no way to make my presence here known. The thought struck me, not for the first time: would I _ever _get out of here?

Would Charlie ever know how much I loved and appreciated him? Would Jacob ever hear me say the words I knew he longed for? Would I ever find out if Quil was alright?

Quil...he had been injured Protecting me. I didn't deserve the sacrifice he had made on my behalf. I had hurt Jacob, let the pack down when I ran back to the Cullens on their return from Volterra, and then insisted on bringing the stench of leech onto the reservation whenever I selfishly wanted to see my sun. Yet brave, loyal Quil had risked his life to protect me—because of how Jacob felt about me.

_Squandered._

It was a fitting word, I thought, to describe how I had treated Jake's friendship and love. I thought of Quil's imprint, Claire, and the way they looked at one another. I felt my breathing become ragged at the thought that the worst may actually happen, and Claire would never see that adoration from him again. _All because of me. _

Helplessness made my knees grow weak and I automatically headed towards the mattress on the floor. I wished I had my headphones, so that I could play some loud music and make all the awfulness go away, if only for a short time. I was almost there, about to drop onto the mattress, when a new and surprising emotion jolted through me.

_Anger._

Instead of falling piteously onto the mattress, I kicked uselessly at it, yelling aloud in frustration.

_No more._

I would not sit around waiting, while outside people were hurting and things were falling apart as a result of my follies. I would get myself out of here, and I would fix what I could; anything I could not, I would spend the rest of my life making amends for.

My determination renewed, I resumed my search for a way to alert the pack to my presence.

It was remembering the ticking sound that gave me the idea, in the end. The room was eerily quiet constantly, and I had frequently longed during the last two days for any kind of noise at all...even the odd, irregular ticking that I could only hear when the door was open.

Pacing frantically around the room, desperately trying to think of any way at all to alert the wolves as to my whereabouts, I stumbled over my own feet. The resulting falter in my footsteps brought the arrhythmic beats to mind, and inspiration struck.

I knew I was taking a risk. If my captor hadn't yet left, or if other bears—and I had no idea how many, or how friendly, they were—happened to be in the vicinity, I could be putting myself in real danger. On the other hand, if I continued to sit on the mattress and wait for others to decide my fate...then I would be slipping back into my old ways.

No, the new Bella Swan, Jake's Bells if he would still have me, was going to fight for her freedom. My hands trembled only slightly as I searched the drawers for some suitably hard objects. Finding none, I hauled the top drawer free from the dresser and unceremoniously dumped its contents on the stone ground. Then, using my hands, feet, and a physical force I doubted I had ever exercised before, I proceeded to smash the drawer into sizeable chunks.

My missiles finally prepared, I took aim at the grille on the wall. If it brought fresh air in to the room, it must be able to carry sound back out. My captor had seemed confident that my screams would not be heard; but if a wolf was searching for me, he may stray closer than expected.

I could only hope.

Sam and Jared were more than twenty miles east of Neah Bay and running hard. They were fairly sure they were following a wild goose trail. It kept disappearing, doubling back, then branching off before disappearing once more. Jake, crossing the border between Quileute and Makah territory, ordered them back to La Push approximately ten seconds before Paul heard the first, dull _thud_.

_What d'you think, Jake?_

_You've not heard anything like that before?_

**Paul – **_Not in the two days we've been here._

_See if you can locate the source._

It was clear in Jacob's mind for all his wolves to see—he fully anticipated Bella giving them some help. She wasn't the Alpha's chosen mate for no reason. As incredible as his brothers may find it, Jake was confident that timid, insecure Bella Swan was going to pull through and assist them in her rescue.

Sam hoped to the Spirits that his leader was right. Jacob ignored him, focussing only on the miles that pounded by.

Another _thud, _dull and heavily muted, seemed to come from far away and underground. Paul swerved slightly, minutely correcting the direction in which he was running. Jake's enormous heart raced under his russet fur.

_I should be with you in three minutes._

A third _thud_, and Paul increased his speed. A movement to his right caught his attention, causing him to whirl aggressively and prepare to attack whichever bear had tried to sneak up on him. Seeing nothing, he returned to the search with his senses on full alert.

**Jared – **_We're not gonna be long after Jake getting to you, man. Keep it steady._

**Jake – **_If one of those damn bears appears, do __**not **__take it on by yourself, Paul. That's an order! Stall it till we get there. Dance a fuckin' waltz with it if you have to, but don't fight it alone._

Paul acknowledged the order just as a fourth _thud _reached his ears.

_It sounds like it's somewhere around the water, Jake._

_I'm nearly with you._

Paul found the access vent easily enough. It was embedded in the muddy, craggy slope that rose above the river bank shortly before the estuary reached the sea. A water-driven mill of sorts turned noisily to the left of the vent, and from his position on the other side of the river Paul could see the roof of a house over the top of the opposite slope.

Jake appeared at his side, his approach quieter than his massive stature would suggest. They flanked one another, russet wolf and silver, silently observing the small vent. The fifth _thud _sounded too loud, as though extra force had been applied by the source.

The Alpha wolf soared in a great arc through the air. The splash generated when his massive frame hit the water sent droplets flying in Paul's face, making him blink and shake his head.

Jake was through the water and using his claws to scramble up the steep opposite bank in no time at all. Paul watched as his leader disappeared from sight over the slope. He saw through the pack mind when the house nestled behind the hill came into full view; he saw through his other brothers' minds when a bear came stealthily over the hill to his own right.

Sam and Jared joined Paul in a defensive line by the river bank as a second bear emerged behind the first. They would protect their Alpha as he searched for his chosen mate...with their lives, if necessary.

**A/N: Okay I know this update has taken forever, and it's shorter than usual. I'm aiming to get the next chapter up this week; most of it is written, but I need to make it gel better with the following two chapters. Bear with me while I tweak, and I promise to pick up the posting pace soon!**

**By the way, a massive thank you to everyone who supported my efforts to save our school! We now need to wait until mid-April for the final decision to be announced. The decision is ultimately made by elected Members of Parliament so I'm lobbying them now, but their general opinion seems to be that the school will shut. It feels like far too long to wait for a decision, but I'm sure it will arrive quickly enough!**


	20. Chapter 19 Vengeance

**A/N: Okay, first of all, I am so very sorry about the time it has taken to update. Secondly, I know the ending of this chapter will upset some readers—I've already had to justify it to my pre-readers. They're thankfully trusting my explanation that it's part of a bigger picture, and I hope you will too. For anybody whose brain works like mine, the clues are in some vocabulary choices :) Finally, there's a long note at the end. I don't expect anyone to read it, seriously—but for those of you who have been interested in the school protest, it's at the end of the chapter!**

**Thank you all so very, very much for your patience, your messages over the past month (has it really been that long?), and of course, your very valued reviews.**

**Here we go...**

Jake's incredible heart pounded wildly as he approached the house behind the hill. Despite the blood that thundered and the adrenaline that flowed at breakneck speed through his veins, though, deep within his soul the Alpha felt a peace that was almost serene.

He knew Bella was in that house. Just like his keen eyes could detect the knots in the wood of the house he stalked, and his ears could hear the water rushing through the estuary towards the freedom of the ocean, a hitherto unknown sense just _felt _her closeness.

Jacob had no time to wonder why, or how, this was happening now—after all the time he had known and loved Bella, it didn't make sense that he should suddenly develop a kind of sixth sense about her. He would think about it later, though. First, he had to get her the hell out of that house, rip apart the bear that had captured her, and then issue a warning to the rest of the sloth that they would never forget.

It didn't take long to reach the house. Padding down towards the front door, Jacob was uncertain whether he could rely on his usually impeccable physical senses. The bears could camouflage themselves and confound him; he was painfully aware of—not to mention frustrated by—that fact. Equally, though, that was definitely Bella's heartbeat he was just about able to pick out as he prepared to shift back to his human form. It sounded as though she was quite far underground, a theory which was borne out by the location of the vent Paul had found.

A smile lifted the corner of Jacob's lips. He had found her, and he would bring her home. Raising one mud-splattered foot, he kicked down the front door.

I refused to cry as I picked up the chunk of wood that had most recently clattered back to the ground. With no idea whether I was embarking on an entirely fruitless exercise, or even placing myself in danger, I methodically aimed at the grille and threw the large lump at it with all my strength. There was nothing else I could do, and sitting aimlessly around was no longer an option.

As I picked up another large piece, I felt a fury rise within me. It was directed at my captor, for having taken me; it was directed at the Cullens, for having allowed me into their world; but most of all, it was directed at myself—for the sheer, utter folly of the decisions I had made and the actions I had taken. My next throw was accompanied by a frustrated yell that sounded almost feral, and I grabbed furiously at another nearby lump of wood.

Taking aim once again, a muted crash upstairs stopped me momentarily in my tracks. I thought I must be hearing things—in all the time I'd spent in this basement, no noises had ever reached me. Yet as I stood stock still, listening, another minor explosion of sound echoed from the floor above. I had the slightly unsettling sense that I wasn't _hearing _it exactly; rather, I was detecting it through some other sense. I had no time to dwell on that, though. I reached a hasty decision. If whoever was upstairs was a threat, then I had only a little time to try and attract attention. I redoubled my efforts, scrambling around the room to find fallen wooden missiles, which I hurled as hard and fast as I could towards the metal grille.

The first blow to the solid basement door didn't quite knock it off its steel hinges. Clutching a piece of wood tightly in my hand, I turned to face my fate. I may not be able to harm a bear with a piece of broken drawer, but I was damn well not doing nothing. I waited, my breathing laboured and my heart stuttering erratically, for whoever was outside that door to appear. My matted hair was partially covering my face, blowing outwards as I exhaled and then falling back to obscure my vision slightly. I disregarded it completely, keeping my focus on the door, and who—or what—was about to come through it.

The second kick blew the door clean out of its frame. I lobbed my weapon hard towards the head of the hulking male form that appeared in the doorway. He ducked swiftly out of the way and my missile flew harmlessly past. Enraged, but unsurprised, I whirled to locate another object to throw.

"Bella!"

I froze, my entire body stilled in response to that voice I knew so well; the beloved, husky voice that sounded slightly constricted as it travelled through the molecules of air between us.

"Jake?"

My own voice came out as a shocked whisper at first, before reality kicked in.

"Jake!"

I almost screamed it the second time. He had come for me himself, he was here, really, really here, and I was safe. Hurtling across the room, I threw myself the last few feet through the air, knowing he would catch me...like so, so many times before.

Warm, strong arms encircled my body, pulling me into his naked chest with a fierce protectiveness that made tears prick behind my eyes.

Jacob was here. I was safe. The rest of my life was just beginning. I needed him to know that, immediately and urgently.

"I love you!" I just blurted it fervently out, with my arms wound tightly around his neck and my face buried in his shoulder.

He responded with a slight chuckle, before answering into my hair with a voice choked with emotion. "Love you too, Bells honey."

The three wolves on the other side of the river watched in awe as their leader _felt _the presence of Bella on his approach to the enemy's house. They all saw clearly the palpable sixth sense he had just discovered. Adding to vision, scent, hearing, touch and taste, their majestic Alpha now had a new faculty. He could feel whenever his chosen mate was close by; not in the sense of her physical touch, but rather he could detect her in an abstract, though no less real, manner.

Jacob phased out, and the wolves concentrated solely on the two encroaching bears, which had taken up positions quite some distance away. A staring match ensued.

**Paul – **_I reckon Jake'd want us just to take a piece outta them._

**Sam – **_No. Think about Quil. We don't know how to fight them properly._

**Jared – **_Yeah, man, we're vampire slayers, not bear hunters._

Paul growled his disapproval, but held his position. Images of Quil, lying bleeding on the forest floor, played through his mind. Jared shifted restlessly, deep concern for his pack brother coming to the forefront of his consciousness.

**Sam – **_Focus, both of you! We know these bears can fool us. Don't think just because they're not attacking us that they're not dangerous. Seth hasn't filled us in on Quil's progress for a while; that must be good news._

Paul wasn't so sure Seth's silence was a good omen, but he forced his attention back to the bears facing them. The larger of the two beasts was staring directly at him; he responded by baring his pointed teeth in a silent snarl. The bear rose immediately onto his great hind legs, drawing himself up to his full, and undoubtedly impressive, height.

**Jared – **_Gotta give it to them, these guys are massive._

**Paul – **_The jugular's still the jugular, though. _

Jared huffed out a laugh, pulling the bear's attention onto himself. A low growl came from its direction, which was answered by a bark from the accompanying bear. The larger bear looked, apparently irritated, at its female companion, and dropped onto all four paws again.

**Sam – **_What was that about?_

**Jared – **_I think Papa Bear didn't like being laughed at and got a scolding from Mama Bear._

Paul ignored his brothers, watching the bears intently instead. One—the female—jerked her head to the side, but the larger tossed his own head, angrily and dismissively.

**Paul – **_Hey guys, those fuckers don't share a mindlink._

**Sam – **_What?_

**Paul – **_I'm serious. Watch 'em. They're having a frikkin' argument with their heads and paws._

As the three wolves observed, the giant beasts played out a non-verbal charade that looked for all the world like an argument over whether to stay or leave. Seconds ticked by, and no resolution occurred. Intrigued and more than a little amused, the pack brothers followed each jerk of the head, each gesture of the paw, and each bark or growl emitted.

**Jared – **_Do you think they know we can communicate like this?_

**Sam – **_Jake's never mentioned their lack of a mind link. My guess is that he's never discussed it with Nita. That would mean no, they probably don't know. This is good news, guys!_

**Paul – **_Ouch!_

The male had just raised his massive front paw, claws extended, and lashed viciously at his sloth sister. She managed to dodge the worst of the attack, but the three wolves recoiled as one as the sound of ripping flesh reached their ears, closely followed by the stench of blood that was, like their own, neither human nor beast. The wolves were well used to sparring and arguing within their own pack, but the deep bonds that ran between them prevented any of the internal fights becoming too aggressive. The male bear's strike, however, felt like an attack on an enemy.

The wounded animal yelped, turned, and fled to a short distance away. When she stopped, blood dripped from her neck onto the earth underfoot. The wolves' eyes all trained on the laceration, waiting for the accelerated healing to kick in.

**Jared – **_Uh...it's not happening, is it?_

**Paul – **_Nope. So they can't talk in bear form, and they don't heal fast. Jake's gonna want to know this!_

**Sam – **_It definitely looks like we have a couple of advantages. Don't forget though that __**we **__don't heal quickly from injuries inflicted by them, either, so we still need to be cautious around them._

Fascinated, the three wolves continued to watch as the larger bear impatiently barked at the female. She stood her ground, despite the blood which was now congealing in the fur around the damaged part of her neck. Her growl sounded more menacing now, as though her own anger was surfacing. Unbelievably, it seemed as though the bears were on the brink of disregarding their enemies, and fighting between themselves instead. Paul gleefully began an inner mantra of _fight! fight!_ just as a loud, enraged roar bellowed from their right hand side.

**Paul – **_Fuck me! Where'd __**he **__come from?_

**Sam – **_Shit! I hate it that they can sneak up on us like that!_

The third bear materialised as though from nowhere. Everything about the way he moved indicated that he was one furious animal. Jared shifted nervously and even Paul fleetingly wondered how long Jake was going to take rescuing his distressed damsel.

The bear began his advance.

Jake and I clung silently to one another for a minute longer, before he pulled away. Dungeon regardless, I would have stayed just where we were, but Jacob was all business suddenly.

"Are you hurt? Can you travel back to La Push with me?"

"No, and _yes_," I responded instantly. I realised as I looked at him that he hadn't understood my declaration of love, taking it as relief and friendship instead; I also realised that I needed to let him take charge, here. There would be time for _us_ later.

"They made you bleed." His voice was low and dangerous.

"That was my idea," I pointed out.

Jake swallowed, then nodded and jerked his head towards the door. "C'mon Bells, we gotta get out of here. Sam, Jared and Paul are here. They're keeping two bears at bay till we're safely out. We'll talk later, but for now let's just get you home. Sure you're okay?"

"Sure," I told him firmly. "Um, Jake, you're completely naked."

He snorted. "I've been kinda wolf for the best part of two days. I lost my pants at some point. You wanna walk behind me up the stairs?" He cocked an eyebrow at me suggestively.

"You're joking _now_? Aren't you supposed to be being the big hero, rescuing me?"

"I just did!" I shook my head, grinning happily at him as he chuckled back at me. I could scarcely believe he was there before me. "Bells, seriously, we need to get out of here. Let's go." He tugged at my arm, pushing me in front of him and towards the stairs; apparently, some vestiges of modesty kept him behind me as I climbed the steps. Near the top of the flight, however, he changed his mind.

"They can hide from us," he informed me. "Stay behind me."

My gulp was audible.

The third bear stalked menacingly towards the assembled group of beasts. His teeth were bared and, as he came near to the female bear, he rose onto his hind legs, bellowing in her direction. She backed up two paces on all fours, creating plenty of space for him to pass.

**Jared – **_I guess he's the leader._

**Sam – **_Jacob said there was no official leader, but a couple of the sloth are given more respect by the bears. This must be one of them._

The wolves watched through narrowed eyes, growls rumbling in each of their chests, as the beast moved in their direction. His eyes roamed over each wolf before settling behind them, onto the roof of the house that would just be visible to him on the other side of the river. A great bark came from his mouth, but he came to a stop, pawing nervously at the ground.

**Paul – **_Is that his house?_

**Jared – **_He'd better run if it is. Here comes Jake._

Jared turned his head to watch as his leader came into view over the crest of the slope above the opposite river bank. Sam and Paul kept their eyes trained on the bears, but watched their Alpha through Jared's eyes as he stepped onto the ridge that rose above the flowing water. He was in his wolf form, his russet coat gleaming in the sunlight and his imperial head raised high. He walked with great care and deliberation, for on his back sat the woman he had chosen for his mate.

Even without his enhanced vision, Jared would have known something was different about Bella Swan. No longer were her shoulders hunched forwards, or her face hidden behind a curtain of hair; no longer did her arms protectively encircle her chest, or her gaze dart awkwardly around. Instead, her chin was tilted high and her shoulders squared. One hand rested lightly on her leg, while the fingers of her other hand were entwined in fur. Through the pack mind, Jared felt the little jolts of energy that ran under Jacob's skin whenever she played with the silken strands between her fingers.

Paul briefly turned his own head to see for himself, before focussing on the enemies once again.

_I guess that's what an Alpha's mate kinda looks like, then._

**Sam – **_She looks different, Jake._

_She seems different. I can't put my finger on it yet. What's been going on with those bears?_

Sam replayed the highlights. None of Jake's brothers were surprised when his attention zeroed in on the third bear, who was now raised on his hind legs and attempting to stare the rival Alpha down. As bear glared at wolf, and wolf returned the stare with equal menace, the bear absent-mindedly shifted his weight onto his other rear paw.

Bella leaned forward, whispering something in Jacob's ear that his brothers heard as though through a phone line.

"That's him. That's the one who was keeping me locked in the basement. He had a habit of shifting his weight about like that, as though he couldn't stand still for more than a few seconds at a time."

The rumble that quivered through Jake's chest told every listening beast what his intentions were.

_I gotta get Bella to a safe distance, but that fucker is going down today. Paul and Jared, stay where you are as long as it's safe. Sam, come with me to guard Bella._

Jacob made his way carefully along the riverbank, watching his enemies closely and monitoring his wolves' reactions. Nothing happened to alarm him. The three bears were watching his retreat, nothing more. A large part of him wanted to race snarling across the river and show them the colossal mistake they had made in taking the mate he had chosen away from him, but there would be time for that once she was at a safe distance.

He was hyper aware of the precious cargo on his back. Bella was where she should always have been...under his protection.

"_I love you, Jake!"_

Fuck, it had sounded like she really meant it. Of course she was exhausted, and frightened, and seeing a friend under those circumstances would probably make anybody delirious. Jake felt the great crevice in his chest strain; he pushed the pain away immediately. Bella was safe, that was all that mattered. He hadn't lost her, hadn't failed so utterly in his duty as Alpha. They would rebuild their former friendship, and maybe one day she would open her eyes and see what she was capable of, and what she—no, _they_—could become.

First, though, he had a fucking bear to destroy.

Nita stood on her hind legs, watching the scene to the south east with dread in her heart.

Antony had screwed up by taking Bella in the first place. Keeping her captive for over two days was foolish in the extreme. The Alpha was entitled to take revenge for what his mate had endured, and Nita was absolutely certain that he was about to do just that. She knew what would happen next, and it was the reason for the dread that squeezed her chest and made her open her mouth to gulp in a large breath of air.

Nita had studied her tribe's prophesies. She hoped against hope that the new Quileute leader would not discover his full potential until after the inevitable ensuing battle was over.

It was her tribe's only chance to escape annihilation.

I slid from Jake's back when he stopped suddenly in the forest and bowed down on his knees. I didn't know why he had stopped; I thought we were going straight home. Assuming he had something that needed to be said, I waited for him to phase back to human. When he didn't, I frowned at him.

"Jake?"

He shook his massive head in response, but kept his eyes trained over my shoulder. Turning, I saw Sam's huge black wolf approach. Before I could ask any further questions, Jacob took off at a run.

"Sam?"

The black wolf reached my side, nuzzled my hand gently with his wet nose, and then stood like a sentry next to me.

"What's going on?" I asked. "I thought Jake was taking me home?"

Sam's great head nodded, and he made a gesture with his paw that seemed to say, _later. _I stared at the black wolf for a few moments, trying to work things out. Obviously, something was going on that I knew nothing about. Sam was standing guard, but why had I been brought here in the first place? Why would Jacob have Sam follow us here, only to return himself mere minutes after leaving?

_Of course._

"I've been brought to a safe distance, haven't I?"

Sam nodded again.

"And Jake's going to destroy the bear that took me, isn't he?"

Another nod.

I sank to my knees in the grass. _All my fault. Jake could be hurt. Even if he didn't get hurt, he was about to __**kill**__. My Jacob was about to kill...and not a vampire._ A sob left me as the enormity of that thought hit me.

A sharp, disapproving bark sounded right next to my ear. I looked up to see Sam towering over me, his eyes filled with a disappointed reprimand. I understood immediately. Jacob could see me. This wasn't the new me anyway, I reminded myself sternly. If I was going to earn the respect of the pack, I could start right now.

Somewhat shakily, I stood back on my feet and tilted my chin once more. With my fists clenched so tightly that my nails dug into the flesh of my palms, I willed the tears to abate. When I was in full control of myself, I met Sam's slightly surprised eyes with my own determined gaze.

"Do what you have to do, and hurry back to me, Jake."

Two bears and two wolves watched in amazed horror as the russet wolf flew in a graceful arc through the air and latched his teeth into the flesh of the surprised bear's throat. Using his hind paws as leverage, the wolf managed to topple the massive beast before its sharp claws could rake into his own skin. A twist of his head, teeth still firmly attached to his enemy's neck, and a sickening _crack _was accompanied by a harrowing whimper from the bear.

Jake seemed to have come from nowhere. Paul and Jared had watched incredulously as their Alpha covered the distance back to them at a speed that shouldn't be possible. The bears didn't seem to have detected his return at all. The third bear, the one Jacob was focussed on to the exclusion of almost all else, turned to face the attack at the same second the wolf made his mighty spring that would end with deadly teeth attached to his throat.

For all his size, his strength, his supernatural ability to camouflage himself and the respect he commanded from a sloth that rarely respected any man or beast, the bear never stood a chance. Struggling on his back on the ground, the bear felt something vital sever, and knew he would never again see the light of day. His adversary pulled back a bloody muzzle to look at him momentarily. Antony saw the rage and the satisfaction that vengeance was his in the eyes of the alpha wolf.

The last thing his bear ever saw, was jagged teeth lunging towards his throat once more.

**A/N: Yeah...like I said...the wording of some of that was very, very carefully chosen!**

**So...my children's school. As some of you know, the wolfgirls came out in force to give my local council a piece of their mind. You, and a whole lot of local support, resulted in 1300 written objections and several hundred emailed objections. Given the size of the school (a few dozen pupils), that is way out of proportion, and as a result of that some legal issue came into play. Our local council can't make the decision to close the school given the extent of the opposition, and so now it rests with a Cabinet made up of elected members of parliament and a few other interested parties.**

**To cut a very long, very stressful and very time-consuming story short, I have become a sort of spokesperson for our cause. I've been catapulted way out of all my comfort zones and into public speaking (seriously, this kills me, I hate it). I've had to sit around massive oak tables with council officers and members of parliament, pressing a button to activate a microphone when I need to speak. I've quite literally cried in frustration and anger in front of very important people, shouted at the chief council officer in charge of the school closure proposal, and thrown down large quantities of alcohol to cope with the pressure.**

**The result so far is that the decision has been taken to postpone the closure, but it's just a few months' reprieve while the Council take legal advice. The MPs who need to vote don't know which way to go, because they don't really understand where all the support came from and they don't want to lose voters' support. I haven't mentioned La Push;) (Although seriously, we also have tremendous support from surrounding villages!)**

**So the battle is ongoing, it's aging me massively, and taking up pretty much all of my time. I literally have 300 pages of legal cr*p to read through this evening. Instead, I'm updating fanfiction lol. That's the reason for the lengthy delays between chapters at the moment, and as much as I would love to throw in the towel and get back to my comfy sofa and laptop...this is too important.**

**I'll update just as soon as I can, and please don't judge our Jacob over the end of this chapter. He knows more than we do at this point ;)**

**Thank you all again for reading, and for your immense patience. It means so much to me.**

**Juso**


	21. Chapter 20 Reactions

**A/N: I knoooooow, long time since update. I'm so sorry. All the usual excuses apply! Please read the note at the end though, because I have taken a little time away from this fic to write something else for a very good cause...**

By the time the Quileute wolves approached the boundary of their own lands, news had spread throughout the rest of their pack.

_Jacob had killed in revenge for Bella's kidnap._

The Alpha's chosen mate had been rescued, and she was being escorted on her passage to safety by no fewer than four Protectors, but this was no triumphant return home. Jared had given up attempting to hide his shock at Jacob's actions. There had been no negotiating, no discussions, no opportunity for Antony to defend himself. Jake had simply gone in for the kill...for Bella.

Sam, for reasons Jared couldn't fathom, was more understanding. He knew Jake felt it necessary to kill the bear who had threatened his mate. He had seen the intention in his heart and, while not necessarily approving, couldn't fully condemn it either. Somewhat uncharacteristically, Sam appeared to be sanctioning the new Alpha's decision.

Paul was divided. On the one hand, Quil still lay critically wounded on a hospital bed. He had been shown no mercy by Antony; why should Jacob do any differently now? On the other hand, Paul had also seen the depths of his Alpha's heart during those awful moments when his teeth had cut through sinew and tissue to sever the same jugular Paul had joked about less than an hour earlier.

There hadn't been a shadow of self-doubt. The need to _destroy _was not tempered by any of Jacob's usual warmth or naturally loving nature. The natural wolf's instinct to harm nothing but leeches—definitely not to kill another human—had been swept aside in one moment of utter vengeance. Frankly, the depths of the Alpha's heart was scaring the hell out of all his wolves.

This was a Jacob they hadn't seen before. They had seen the hurt and the pain inflicted by Bella after the newborn fight. They had watched with respect as he struggled to carry on and become the leader he was born to be, despite his heartbreak. They had received occasional glimpses into the abyss of pain he kept covered up.

Today, it appeared he had opened that abyss and allowed all the festering anger, pain, regret and worry to boil over. Had he lost sense of everything other than the need to avenge his mate?

_Not your mate._

It was, surprisingly, Embry who brought it to the forefront of all their thoughts. The rest of the pack had pushed it down, although they knew Jake would get the flavour of it; but Embry's inner voice rang out loud and clear through the pack mind.

Predictably, anger flashed from Jacob and ran through their joined cognizance. Sam turned his head to let all the wolves in La Push see the girl in question. Bella Swan sat tall and straight on the russet wolf's back. She seemed to feel his tension as he moved beneath her, and the hand that wasn't holding on to his fur was stroking his flank soothingly. She hadn't stopped that administration since leaving Neah Bay in the bloody aftermath of Antony's death.

After the kill, Jacob had shifted to human and, shaking with rage and the effort to remain human, told the two watching bears that if any other member of their sloth ever again set foot on Quileute territory, they would meet the same fate. Then, he had gone to Bella, commanding Paul and Jared to follow him. As they ran towards the clearing where Sam waited with an anxious, but resolute, Bella, bears began to appear from between the trees and up on the hillsides. Clearly, the sloth had some means of communication after all—or perhaps it was just that they had all heard the final agonised moan of their dying brother.

Initial concern that they were under attack from the entire sloth gave way to a kind of respect as it became clear that they, the wolves, were simply being escorted from bear territory. _An eye for an eye _was apparently the bears' way of doing things. Antony had wounded a wolf and kidnapped a mate; he deserved the vengeance meted out on him.

Jacob's own mind was in turmoil. Truthfully, he wanted out of the pack mind. He needed to be alone in his own head for a while; preferably, with Bella by his side. The pack saw what it was costing him to keep them out of his thoughts. They also saw that he did not regret his actions. There was not so much as a shadow of doubt that he may have gone too far.

_He had killed a man._

It worried some of his wolves that he didn't consider it wrong; it was revenge, pure and simple. Equally, the hatred and darkness that had roared to the surface frightened them. Not so very long ago, Jacob Black would never have been considered capable of such malice.

_Who was Jacob, really?_

Bella's hand stroked firmly down his flank once more, and the effect on him was beyond soothing. It seemed to be gluing him together somehow, as they made their slow passage towards La Push.

_Is my dad home?_

**Leah – **_Yeah. He went to see Old Quil earlier, but he's back now._

_I'll see him first, then go to Quil._

**Embry – **_Quil's been asking for you, Jake._

The harshness of Embry's tone rang through the pack mind, and Jacob felt the sting of it as his old friend had surely intended he would.

_I've just destroyed a shapeshifter from another tribe, Embry. Dad needs to know about that. Quil will understand._

Embry said no more, but did nothing to mask his rising disgust.

None of the wolves in La Push had believed it, at first. Seth had finally left Forks Hospital with the news that Quil was conscious and coherent. Rushing to the nearest tree line, he had phased joyfully to let his beloved Alpha know the good news...only to skid to a howling halt when he saw the blood-smeared, snarling, killing beast in Paul and Jared's line of sight.

Seth's howls and whimpers had caught Leah's attention. Phasing in, she urgently summoned the rest of the pack. Their reactions were mixed. Collin felt pride in his older cousin; Brady tentatively followed Collin's lead. Seth and Embry were horrified at Jacob's actions. Leah gave her Alpha a respect that was grudging because she understood the lack of morality in his actions, and acknowledged it was their inner animals that were justifying such brutality. She mourned her own loss of humanity while respecting her leader's decision to take the ultimate revenge.

Jacob's wolf began to tremble under the pressure of keeping his mind closed off. Bella _hushed _him, and redoubled her attempts to soothe him with her hand. Sam, in an obvious move to divert the pack's attention away from Jacob, asked Seth to show them Quil.

Grateful for the diversion, Seth brought his memories to the surface. He had been leaning against the wall of the small ward where Quil lay, wired up and broken-looking. Clare sat by her wolf's side, stroking his cheek and murmuring words of endearment that made Seth feel like a voyeur. It was Clare who had asked him to stay, though; she insisted that Quil could sense when one of his brothers was there.

Dr Friel came in to check Quil's vital signs. His face was set habitually in a puzzled frown each time he read the charts. This native patient just wasn't following medical books and guidelines at all. There was no way to explain why the young man was still alive after the injuries he had sustained; nor was there any plausible reason for the speed at which his physical frame appeared to be healing. While the boy's family and friends hovered anxiously, apparently concerned that he had not already woken up, the doctor attempted over and over to reassure them that Quil was lucky to still be alive. He had the feeling that his words were falling on deaf ears.

That morning, though, when Dr Friel pulled back Quil's eyelid and shone his torch on the dilated pupil, the young man groaned and jerked his head to the side. Seth and Clare instantly took up position on the other side of the bed, calling his name and fluttering their hands over his prone form.

"Take it easy," Dr Friel advised them. "This is a good sign, but we can't expect much more progress today."

As before, the visiting friends ignored him completely. The doctor shook his head in mild frustration, and jotted his notes onto the charts before turning to leave the room. A mumble behind him made him turn back again.

Quil was looking at the girl as though she was clear, cool water and he had been wandering in the desert for days. His lips were moving, and when a hot tear splashed from her cheek onto his, he raised one shaky hand to wipe her tears away.

"Unbelievable!" Dr Friel murmured—he thought he had said it under his breath, but both Quil and Seth turned to look at him. Moving back to Quil's bedside, the doctor began a more thorough examination of his peculiar patient. The young man gave him a vague grin.

"Day's still young, doc. Got plenty of time to make more progress today."

Dr Friel could only shake his head.

Seth stayed for over an hour, harassing the doctor for tests and prognoses, while Clare sat with Quil, alternately weeping and laughing. Seth called Quil's parents and Old Quil with the news that he was conscious and still very Quil-like. Then, he phased to show his pack brothers the morning's events. Before he left, however, Quil had asked him to carry a message to Jacob for him.

_I can't feel my wolf. Come and see me as soon as you can._

Their brother was recovering but his wolf was in some kind of difficulty; and their leader had just killed a man. This was a dark day for the wolf pack.

Stepping over the invisible line which marked the beginning of the reservation, the four travelling wolves relaxed infinitesimally. The rest of the pack were waiting for them, forming a semi-circle around them as they came in. Unusually, all were standing to attention. None felt like resting or sitting.

_Later._

Jacob's command was clear. It rang with the authority of his position, and as one all the wolves except Sam bristled. This was a serious matter. They were leech killers, supposed to protect human life. Bears may be shifters, but they were as human as the members of the wolf pack were. Taking one of their lives was not something they wanted to deal with _later_. They wanted their Alpha to open up to them, tell them his reasons and reassure them that he had not simply lost his head to anger, that he was more than just a cold-blooded killer.

It looked as though Jacob was going to ignore them. He passed straight through the semi-circle, carrying Bella further into the sanctuary of his own territory. Emotions flashed at him from all sides—anger, confusion, fear, some pride and comradeship, but mostly resentment. He walked out of the arc his wolves had created with his head held imperially high; then, he came to a sudden halt. Turning to look over his shoulder, he threw one final message at his distressed pack before continuing on his path.

_Trust me._

His eyes found those of Embry. The two old friends locked gazes, each one searching the other's with penetrating supernatural perspicacity. Embry probed as far as he could into Jacob's mind before he was blocked.

_Reasons._

_Not what it seems._

_Taha Aki._

_Trust me._

That was all Embry could find. The other wolves waited, some subtle shift in pack dynamics suggesting that they would take their cue from the one present wolf who had known Jake his entire life. Embry broke eye contact and dipped his head. He couldn't condone what Jacob had done. Quil lay, in trouble and needing his friend and leader, and was being given second priority because a man's life had been taken.

Raising his head again, Embry saw something in the Alpha's eyes that was being shielded from his thoughts. _Pleading._

_Trust me, Em._

The dark grey wolf sighed, a lifetime of comradeship and shared experiences winning over. Nodding his great head, he allowed the pack to see his acceptance.

_But go to Quil quickly, man. _

_I will. You know I will._

Nobody missed the doubt that flashed through Embry's mind, but Jacob did not react. Instead, he turned around to face his pack head-on.

_I know how you're going to feel about this, but I think we need to assume that the bears will not heed my warning to stay away from us. Patrols need to be stepped up, starting now. We've been slacking for the past couple of days because of Quil and Bella. Let's get back in full gear, and yes, I'll be doing my fair share. I'm going to see dad, then Quil, then get Bella safely home. Did one of you call Charlie to let him know she's okay?_

**Leah – **_Yeah, don't worry. He's going to ground her till she's fifty._

Not even a flicker of humour surfaced as Jacob turned away again. He walked almost the whole way home before suddenly dropping to his knees and nuzzling Bella to tell her to climb off his back.

* * *

I complied immediately. I didn't know what was going on with the wolves. Watching their silent exchanges had been worrying. Whatever had passed between Embry and Jacob seemed to be highly significant, but I had no idea how to interpret it. In a way, it didn't matter. I waited expectantly for Jacob to appear before me, human and naked. I was confident that he would tell me what the problem was.

Of course, I knew he had killed my captor. I remembered all too clearly the conversation I'd had with him when I first figured out his secret.

_We don't kill humans, Bella._

I wasn't sure that the rules could be broken just because the human was a shape shifter, even one from a rival pack. I guessed the wolves weren't entirely in agreement with what he had done, and I couldn't blame them, either.

But something had happened during my captivity. It wasn't just a case of me making up my mind to try and be a better person. I had fully embraced my fate, which—it seemed—was to support Jacob Black in his Alpha role. If he thought it was necessary to kill a man, I was not going to side against him. I pushed down the part of me that was a cop's daughter, and reached my hand out towards the russet wolf that still hadn't shifted back to his human form.

"Tell me, Jake," I urged him quietly. "Phase and tell me."

I was surprised when he shook his wolf's head, real regret in his eyes but a stubborn resolve, too. Stepping back a little, he shimmered and stood upright on human legs, russet skin gleaming over the muscle and sinew of his thighs. I averted my eyes, but Jake was unabashed. Reaching out his hand, he cupped my chin in his large palm and tilted my head back round until I met his gaze.

"I'm going in to see dad—it's important he knows what I did. Then I gotta go see Quil. He woke up and needs to see me. I want you to stay either with me, or with dad, until I'm done at the hospital. Then I'll bring you home to see Charlie. He knows you're safe."

There would be no discussion; no negotiation or argument. This was the way it was going to be. I nodded mutely, offering no resistance when Jacob took my hand to lead me towards the red cabin. I knew he would tell me everything that had happened when he had time. When that time came, I would pour out my own heart to him and our love would be sealed.

For now, though, we walked hand in hand to tell Billy that his son had killed a member of another tribe in cold blood. Jake waited only until he had located and donned a pair of shorts before he simply blurted out the truth to his aghast looking father.

Then, the tribal Chief steepled his fingers under his chin and said one word that I did not understand.

"_Altajajeh._"

**A/N: So over on JBNP, the very lovely goldengirl2707 has organised a fandom event for autism. A lot of wolfgirls' lives have been affected by autism in one way or another, and the support from artists and writers has been amazing. Over the past few weeks, a whole lot of fabulous writers have submitted one shots to the cause, and here's what's going to happen. Anybody who would like to support the international charity Autism Speaks, should head on over to JBNP (I'll post a link on my profile here to the relevant page). The request is that people make a minimum donation of $5 directly to Autism Speaks (**_**nobody else **_**has access to the donated money), then email the receipt to JBNP. In return, on 10****th**** May, you would receive by email all the stories that have been donated to the cause.**

**My own story is called **_**Ssshhh**_**. It is 8,000 words long and is probably the one shot I'm most proud of. Some of it is written from the POV of Jake and Bella's profoundly autistic daughter, Kelly...that in itself is the biggest writing challenge I've ever set myself. I'm just keeping everything crossed that I managed to pull it off!**

**Here's a teaser for my donation to JBNP 4 Autism. If you would like to read the story in full, and all the other amazing entries that have been submitted, then please do head over and donate.**

_**This story is not available anywhere else. The only way to read it is to donate a minimum of $5 to Autism Speaks, then email your receipt to JBNP, before 10**__**th**__** May 2013.**_

**Extract from _Ssshhh_**

_Beautiful mind._

_Intricate mazes of patterns, numbers, colours and lights._

_Patterns everywhere: in dappled sunlight; in the stars; in the new gravel laid in the front yard just last week; in the flecks of Bella's hair._

_Numbers: fascination; adept at counting and calculating._

_Colours of every description catalogued according to the frequency of their emergence._

_**Kelly.**_

Like all of nature's Alphas, Jacob Black was fearless in the face of adversity. His inner strength was well known to his family and pack brothers. He had faced leeches, carried responsibilities most men never have to face, and never once faltered. But when his five year old daughter, the child who had never uttered a single meaningful syllable and never shown any recognition of him as her father, turned her attention to his presence in her mind, the russet wolf's knees buckled under him.

There was nothing verbal about it. No, her mind worked in visual flashes and intricate connections...the same way the pack's did. It was more of a _knowledge_ that she showed him, but the flavour was unmistakable.

_Daddy._


End file.
